I'm really sorry. Your family sounds very messed up. Do you have any money / time for talking with a therapist? That could be really helpful in developing better coping mechanisms so you can get your emotions under control and do what you want to do.
My thanks for the condolences. My family isn't that bad - single mom, never met my biological father, stepfather mom met when I was about 7 just so happened to be the least compatible person with me I've ever met. Buncha emotional abuse mainly because he was raised that way, as I understand it. Self-perpetuating abuse cycle and all that. They've split up and probably wouldn't see each other anymore if not for having to share custody of my brother. Technically half-brother I suppose, but that's a thin distinction.
I've been to a few therapists but due to a combination of me being really fucking bad at expressing my emotions (guess who's fault that is) and the therapists in question not being the best pick/me kinda misleading them, it never really went anywhere. It's hard for me to really explain what's going on with me sometimes because for example all the ramble posts and such I write here tend to be when I'm feeling really low and need to vent. That's such a radically different state of mind from how I usually am that it's difficult to comprehend my thought processes then.
Though the last therapist I went to was pretty good. Haven't rescheduled an appointment yet because I was feeling pretty good after a few months of going to her and didn't foresee any issues coming my way, which in hindsight and my cynical predictions back then was stupid.
Also - your friend does not sound like she's withdrawing. She's just living her life without any idea what's going on in your head. Hanging out with friends is a normal thing for her to do and not related to you at all. Even if you were in a relationship, she would still hang out with her friends without you around.
Yep. Easy for me to grasp now when I'm relatively distracted from my internal turmoil, but that feeling of jealousy and neediness and all that's getting worse as time goes on and it's nigh impossible to think rationally when under its effects. Unpleasant.
Seeing her at work is obviously not enough if you want a relationship - your instincts on that point are good. The problem comes because you don't know if she wants a relationship with you. Nothing is settled.
If you really want to try for a relationship, I don't think waiting is a good idea. Women do eventually notice guys who are becoming increasingly stalky and you sound at risk for escalating without realizing it. Don't wait for a 'perfect moment' or whatever. Just tell her and ask her out to something casual, easy, and low-commitment. The goal is to make spending time with you fun and easy for her, not to pressure her into anything. Prepare yourself - she could well say no, and you need to be ready for that and able to not get upset at her (getting upset in private later, fine and healthy, but absolutely do not pressure her if she says no).
This point has some good advice in it, but circumstances that you don't know about render it null and void. To summarize, she's been in a stable relationship for about 3.75 years now and I didn't say anything when I noticed my feelings developing due to my chronic undervaluing of my own wellbeing and not wanting to complicate the situation/lose the only friend I had/have. By now obviously the emotional front has gotten significantly more fucked up on my side and I've finally figured out that confessing would let me at least start to move on. Also I'm not even sure if I would want to date her or if it's just me latching onto the first non-familial person to show me a measure of affection in a while and cranking the attachment dial up to 12/10. If I could think rationally about it I could answer that, but I haven't been able to for quite a while now.
much going on in your life dealing with your crappy family and job. A lot of women would look at things and go 'This guy has a lot going on and I want to be with someone who can put our relationship first'. Putting romance on the backburner to focus on your own emotional health and getting away from your dysfunctional family might be the most important thing you can do to be more romantically attractive.
Mostly same as above. The job's honestly not a bad one, I'm just getting really bored with it and I'm starting to associate the emotional pain and all that with the place since I see her there most often. And while I don't deny that my family was dysfunctional as fuck for at least 9 years, the thing I was ranting about last night had pretty much nothing to do with that - I just seem to have developed this complex or something where I get irrationally angry at my mom when I see her drunk. It's actually kinda concerning since I don't know what caused it to pop up and whether it's been going on for a whole or just started. Point being, I'm mainly the one with the issues, my family's (well my mom and my brother, I don't really include the stepdad in my familial image) pretty much okay. She just went over to a friend's and got caught up having fun talking with them.
s a cheap stand-in until you have the resources. It's a book about identifying bad mental habits and getting out of them. Other self-help books about self-esteem, communicating assertively but not aggressively, how to understand your instincts, etc would also be good first steps. Do you have a local pastor or teacher who would be on your side and keep your interests in mind that you could talk to?
No pastor/teacher I could talk to; never really connected with any figure of authority growing up, partially due to moving all the damn time (probably didn't help with the trouble making friends) and the consistent trouble with expressing my feelings that's plagued me since I was around 7 or 8. Actually looking back I can see the patterns in my behaviour that indicated it was starting. Damn. Though after this morning I think I'll make another appointment with the therapist I was seeing earlier.
I do appreciate the advice though, especially since you're under no obligation to give it.
Author
Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9792014 times)