It all works out in the end, though. I mean, it only recently clicked with me that I've been fruitlessly spinning my metaphorical wheels for over a year because I was afraid of going forward. This alleviates some of the ... muddled feelings I've been getting in the last few months. Still hurts, because even despite all my romantical bullshit I've been bottling up I also haven't been able to hang out with my only friend for ... fuck, nearly a month and a half. And I don't have a social life outside of my interactions with her, which isn't a good thing. This concealment business has benefited no one.
It's ... okay this post is basically just a big bundle of rambling. I'll try to make my point - focusing too much of your energies on getting involved with romantical bullshit doesn't lead to results. Try instead to find ... fulfillment? Basically pursue whatever interests you have and try not to worry too much about romantical bullshit or your lack thereof because it tends to happen when you're happy from engaging in pursuits that you enjoy. Stressing about it's counterproductive but hard to not do.
All that said, fuck Valentine's Day. Not because of all the subliminal loneliness and all that that the near-omnipresent advertising inspires, that's easy to deal with. I'm more irritated with it because I've realized I'll have to delay my confession for probably next month or so given how infrequent my opportunities to hang out with her have been. That's not something to say anywhere but in person, work where I see her most often (good god that's an awful realization to have) doesn't deserve those words uttered there, and she's so busy with school I likely won't be able to meet up with her for a get-together until a month from now at best.
Now I probably could tell her when we meet up for coffee or whatever this week, but here my annoyance with Valentine's Day comes in - the romantic connotations that day has would just make the already going-to-be awkward process even worse and depending on how much its subconsciously on her mind may result in a worse outcome for me.
Of course this is just a way for my scared ass to weasel out of confronting my issues for a little while longer, but it carries a relatively valid point with it as well.
Damn holiday. Romantical shit's primarily in the small gestures from what I understand anyway, so it's counterproductive for its assumed purpose.
Annoyances and delays.