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[Xantalos]

E:
i'm scared of messaging her partially because of the whole try to act like a friend thing and in that context it just seems a bit weird i guess

Being in love with someone and being their friend at the same time is perfectly possible. I've been doing that and keeping my feelings secret from said person for a little under a year and a half now. Been getting worse and worse at the keeping it secret part, and it hurts like a goddamn bitch from time to time from all the repression you have to do, but it's possible.

Being in love with someone while simultaneously being their friend is how you get a good relationship. Would you guys fucking talk about your feelings with these girls, please? The whole lot of you, just talk to him/her/it for fuck's sake. Repeat after me: "Look, I wanted to bring this to your attention before it became a whole drama thing. I find myself developing feelings for you, and wanted to know if it was mutual." The worst that can happen is you get a no, and things are a little awkward for a bit, and you find someone who does share your feelings.

Oh, I would've if pppppffff nah I'm kidding myself on that one. Heh.

I have a higher likelihood of actually confessing than the last time this happened (I really hope it doesn't get worse each time the cycle repeats itself), but with the other person already being committed I've kinda backed myself into a corner where I'm perpetually waiting for the good moment to say it when I know perfectly well that there is no such thing. I could say that I'm afraid of losing the friendship I do have currently, but that's also empirical bullshit because she's friends with a guy in basically the exact same situation as me but he confessed and nothing came of it. So it's basically all on me and I've known that for a long time now.

I seem to run myself into a lot of these self-perpetuating ruts in my life recently. Should probably work on that.

Well, that's what the therapy's for, presumably.

[MaximumZero]

E:
i'm scared of messaging her partially because of the whole try to act like a friend thing and in that context it just seems a bit weird i guess

Being in love with someone and being their friend at the same time is perfectly possible. I've been doing that and keeping my feelings secret from said person for a little under a year and a half now. Been getting worse and worse at the keeping it secret part, and it hurts like a goddamn bitch from time to time from all the repression you have to do, but it's possible.

Being in love with someone while simultaneously being their friend is how you get a good relationship. Would you guys fucking talk about your feelings with these girls, please? The whole lot of you, just talk to him/her/it for fuck's sake. Repeat after me: "Look, I wanted to bring this to your attention before it became a whole drama thing. I find myself developing feelings for you, and wanted to know if it was mutual." The worst that can happen is you get a no, and things are a little awkward for a bit, and you find someone who does share your feelings.

Oh, I would've if pppppffff nah I'm kidding myself on that one. Heh.

I have a higher likelihood of actually confessing than the last time this happened (I really hope it doesn't get worse each time the cycle repeats itself), but with the other person already being committed I've kinda backed myself into a corner where I'm perpetually waiting for the good moment to say it when I know perfectly well that there is no such thing. I could say that I'm afraid of losing the friendship I do have currently, but that's also empirical bullshit because she's friends with a guy in basically the exact same situation as me but he confessed and nothing came of it. So it's basically all on me and I've known that for a long time now.

I seem to run myself into a lot of these self-perpetuating ruts in my life recently. Should probably work on that.

Well, that's what the therapy's for, presumably.

If they're already committed, you need to let go and move on. Nothing good comes from that. Take it from a guy who's been there and been burned by that. The very best thing you can do if you need to relate those feelings are to do so as a PSA: "Hey. I want you to know that I'm starting to do the feelings thing for you, but I know you're in a relationship and I respect that. I felt that you have the right to know, since hiding things from your friends is wrong. So, I'm telling you, and I hope we can remain good friends now that I've gotten that off my chest, and I apologize if I made things weird."

[Xantalos]

Entirely the right advice, which is why I've been doing the exact opposite. I think a big reason it's been so difficult for me to even acknowledge that I need to let go of it is the fact that she was the first social connection I made after I purged all my old peer relationships out of a mixture of anxiety and depression - and that's a whole bucket of worms I'm not touching for now. Since then I haven't really become friends with anyone else, probably partially because I had to take some time to get reaccustomed to actually interacting with people, partially because I've kept myself confined to the same few locations due to my bad habit of staying too far in my comfort zone. Home, work, karate. Karate' too far away to do more than idly chat with people there, home is just family and ingrained acceptance of my facing inward, and work I can't really seem to ever get together with anyone outside of it. I'll talk with people there sure, I'd call them friends while I'm there, but once I leave that context not really. Because I never talk with them outside of that there's never anything to talk about.

In conclusion, I've boxed myself in too much and am getting increasingly bored and restless with my current situation. Fortunately I'm improving in that I'm actually doing something about it eventually instead of just accepting it.
Just a matter of time. Once I make some changes and start meeting more people I'll better be able to tell her. Or so I tell myself. Seems to be my best bet for making any meaningful progress, any other way I'm effectively stuck and probably driving myself crazy with excessive thinking.

Like this post. Look how easily I ramble.

Also right now. I should be doing something instead of letting myself slip into a familiar circle of thought. Gotta unlearn that shit. In fact, I'll do that now.

[Trapezohedron]

People are concerned about me being weird. I don't conform to their image. Normally, if I was any single bit normal, I would try to change and perhaps already know how to do it by default. But I'm not. My hobbies do not conform to theirs. While people dawdle over cars, women and their boobs, sports, and socialization, I don't really have any inclinations for such things.

To be perfectly honest, I don't even know what I want at all. I watch things because they're nice. Why are they nice? Dunno. But I digress, the point being that, I am weird because I do not conform to their norms of Justin-Bieber, Tiesto, Adele, high-fashion nightclubbing desires. Being weird, because I do not conform to social norms, should I even try to adapt? I do not feign enjoyment well enough out of dancing in the middle of a nightclub; it feels weird to be thinking about things such as THESE when I'm at the middle of the dancing area. Hell, I feign a lot of things when I drunk and stop just before I become horribly drunk; thus pretending to be easily affected by spirits, just to think I'm having fun when I'm not.

It mystifies me why people enjoy a bout of drinking to be perfectly honest, despite being its proponent for contributing to social conversations. Why buy a drink when you can enjoy a hearty conversation all the same without it?

Back on point, should I try being normal for once - the normalcy Philippine youth and people demand from me? The hedonistic enjoyment of pleasures that I don't really find any particular enjoyment? I am already weird.

[scrdest]

You know, I'm not normally an alcohol advocate (or even a regular drinker), but I've found out that for the kind of person I am, and presumably a decent contingent of the people around here are as well, a bunch of EtOH floating in your bloodstream is, in fact, what you need to break the mental block that shuts you the hell up and makes you stew in what you want to say.

Important note: some. As in, not can't-think-straight amount.

[Amperzand]

Entirely the right advice, which is why I've been doing the exact opposite. I think a big reason it's been so difficult for me to even acknowledge that I need to let go of it is the fact that she was the first social connection I made after I purged all my old peer relationships out of a mixture of anxiety and depression - and that's a whole bucket of worms I'm not touching for now. Since then I haven't really become friends with anyone else, probably partially because I had to take some time to get reaccustomed to actually interacting with people, partially because I've kept myself confined to the same few locations due to my bad habit of staying too far in my comfort zone. Home, work, karate. Karate' too far away to do more than idly chat with people there, home is just family and ingrained acceptance of my facing inward, and work I can't really seem to ever get together with anyone outside of it. I'll talk with people there sure, I'd call them friends while I'm there, but once I leave that context not really. Because I never talk with them outside of that there's never anything to talk about.

In conclusion, I've boxed myself in too much and am getting increasingly bored and restless with my current situation. Fortunately I'm improving in that I'm actually doing something about it eventually instead of just accepting it.
Just a matter of time. Once I make some changes and start meeting more people I'll better be able to tell her. Or so I tell myself. Seems to be my best bet for making any meaningful progress, any other way I'm effectively stuck and probably driving myself crazy with excessive thinking.

Like this post. Look how easily I ramble.

Also right now. I should be doing something instead of letting myself slip into a familiar circle of thought. Gotta unlearn that shit. In fact, I'll do that now.

Look, it's a slightly older version of me. Hi slightly-older-me. I'll try to do different things.

[Xantalos]

Oh believe me, if you're a slightly younger version of me I pity you because you're in a much worse place than I am. I may be kinda trapped in my situation at the moment, but it's one I can and am going to get out of more soon, and I do get semi-regular social interaction. A year ago I had no social life, my school grades were falling into shambles, I didn't leave the house and barely left my bedroom because my parents were fighting all the time, and I hardly talked to anyone aside from Bay12 and ... that's about it, actually.


So basically don't just limit yourself to friending one person and you'll be fine.

[Amperzand]

Ah, points of difference. While I'm not taking many classes, my grades are good, and my parents have a stable, healthy relationship.

[miauw62]

E:
i'm scared of messaging her partially because of the whole try to act like a friend thing and in that context it just seems a bit weird i guess

Being in love with someone and being their friend at the same time is perfectly possible. I've been doing that and keeping my feelings secret from said person for a little under a year and a half now. Been getting worse and worse at the keeping it secret part, and it hurts like a goddamn bitch from time to time from all the repression you have to do, but it's possible.

Being in love with someone while simultaneously being their friend is how you get a good relationship.

well yes thats what i ment. it just seems a bit weird in the context of trying to be friends with her >.>

Would you guys fucking talk about your feelings with these girls, please? The whole lot of you, just talk to him/her/it for fuck's sake. Repeat after me: "Look, I wanted to bring this to your attention before it became a whole drama thing. I find myself developing feelings for you, and wanted to know if it was mutual." The worst that can happen is you get a no, and things are a little awkward for a bit, and you find someone who does share your feelings.

just randomly telling people i dont really know that i have a crush on them doesnt seem like a good idea

[scrdest]

If you don't know her, why are you crushing?

I don't mean to say that you shouldn't or whatever; it'd be helpful to figure the situation out. There's usually something that catches the crush-... crusher? crushmaker? crushifier?'s attention in the first place, be it personality, appearance or common interests.

[TheDarkStar]

And if you don't know her, find some way to get to know her. A few years ago, there was a girl I had a crush on but I ignored it because I didn't really ever have a chance to talk to her. Then, a year and a half later, I actually got a chance to regularly talk to her and it was great. Sadly it fell apart for... other reasons (mostly moving about 1500 miles away), but at I did what I could.

[IronTomato]

E:
i'm scared of messaging her partially because of the whole try to act like a friend thing and in that context it just seems a bit weird i guess

Being in love with someone and being their friend at the same time is perfectly possible. I've been doing that and keeping my feelings secret from said person for a little under a year and a half now. Been getting worse and worse at the keeping it secret part, and it hurts like a goddamn bitch from time to time from all the repression you have to do, but it's possible.

Being in love with someone while simultaneously being their friend is how you get a good relationship.

well yes thats what i ment. it just seems a bit weird in the context of trying to be friends with her >.>

Would you guys fucking talk about your feelings with these girls, please? The whole lot of you, just talk to him/her/it for fuck's sake. Repeat after me: "Look, I wanted to bring this to your attention before it became a whole drama thing. I find myself developing feelings for you, and wanted to know if it was mutual." The worst that can happen is you get a no, and things are a little awkward for a bit, and you find someone who does share your feelings.

just randomly telling people i dont really know that i have a crush on them doesnt seem like a good idea

Yeah so I just wanted to remind you that I waited too long to talk to the girl I was crushing on and I essentially lost my chance forever, or at least for the forseeable future. I was mainly refraining from doing it because I didn't want to involve her with my life and because I knew my family would inevitably torment me about my relationship if I was ever in one, but still. There is absolutely nothing that you can do that would be worse than not even trying.

[Il Palazzo]

I spent some time on a 'date' with my ex today. It has made me realise how much really I've been uncomfortable with my solitude these past few years.
Man, what's this shit I'm feeling? It's like, emotions, dude.

[Kot]

It's amazing how you can think of yourself as a strong, independed woman someone who doesn't give a lot of shit about love and emotions and whatnot, but when it hits... it hits hard.

[miauw62]

E:
i'm scared of messaging her partially because of the whole try to act like a friend thing and in that context it just seems a bit weird i guess

Being in love with someone and being their friend at the same time is perfectly possible. I've been doing that and keeping my feelings secret from said person for a little under a year and a half now. Been getting worse and worse at the keeping it secret part, and it hurts like a goddamn bitch from time to time from all the repression you have to do, but it's possible.

Being in love with someone while simultaneously being their friend is how you get a good relationship.

well yes thats what i ment. it just seems a bit weird in the context of trying to be friends with her >.>

Would you guys fucking talk about your feelings with these girls, please? The whole lot of you, just talk to him/her/it for fuck's sake. Repeat after me: "Look, I wanted to bring this to your attention before it became a whole drama thing. I find myself developing feelings for you, and wanted to know if it was mutual." The worst that can happen is you get a no, and things are a little awkward for a bit, and you find someone who does share your feelings.

just randomly telling people i dont really know that i have a crush on them doesnt seem like a good idea

Yeah so I just wanted to remind you that I waited too long to talk to the girl I was crushing on and I essentially lost my chance forever, or at least for the forseeable future. I was mainly refraining from doing it because I didn't want to involve her with my life and because I knew my family would inevitably torment me about my relationship if I was ever in one, but still. There is absolutely nothing that you can do that would be worse than not even trying.

I do plan on asking her out next time* but :x
it's just not that easy nor that inconsequential.

* next time might be the last time or it might not be the last time. it depends on if she chooses the same thing as me, in which case im in a class with her for the rest of the year, and i'm not sure how i feel about that :v