I am smiling.
I am smiling and this shouldn't be right.
For when I was with my brother riding away towards Home, I had been scolded and reminded a lot of times how shitty I am. I just remain silent. The fucking traffic enforcer redirects traffic. I ask my brother where he saw Php15.00 Wasabi, and tells me to stop bugging him with problems that don't relate to him.
oh fuck it's just a locational question where da fuk you find it nigger
But no, sarcasm ensued. So I rebound with one of my own. DO NOT CHALLENGE ME YOU LITTLE INSIGNIFICANT TWIT WHO CONTRIBUTED -0.10% to the FAMILY BUSINESS. I EARN YOUR MONEY I CAN TAKE IT AWAY IF I WISH. blah blah blah blah more insults.
I get miffed. Because I feel shitty being pointed out my mistakes. Problem is, I do something to please the asshat, it's also wrong. Fucking Alejandro, pls.
We were on his car. Insults become more personal. And personal. And he keeps telling me. What are you going to do? Stay silent? You're just like your whore of a mother. More insults. Then he insults my Thesis for being all wrong (GOD DAMMIT DID I EVEN HAVE A CHOICE WHAT TOPIC TO TACKLE THE TOPIC WAS FOR GODS SAKES BASED UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT EVERYTHING MUST RELATE TO THE GODS FORSAKEN ASEAN INTEGRATION GO FUCKING RESEARCH THAT IF YOU DON'T KNOW IT AND I HAVE NOT FOUND A COMPANY WILLING TO BACK MY SHIT UP). I snap. I punch him in the car. He retaliates. Threatens me to get out. I do just that. SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR SHIT.
FURTHER THREATENING.
COAXES ME TO BE BACK IN CAR. MORE SHITHEAD STATEMENTS I ARE RITE U ARE RONG
cmon do i look like i want to fail that much? the only reason i'm even failing because i'm no longer confident i can do things right because everything i do is always wrong. and i am depressed over that shit.
and they keep rubbing my failures all over me like some stupid hentai where i am supposed to swallow a fucking dick shoved down my throat. obediently. i just want to die
knowing bay12 you'll just tell me not to die but do i really want to live a failure
funny how i gave the same familiar advice the world will be better but i can't even see it in me. i'm too short sighted, they say. i'm too much of an idiot. i can't comprehend. everything i do is inefficient or a failure. i discovered a lot of my things alone, and kept to it because its how i know i can do it
but it's inefficient they say
it probably is
i am shit
shit
maybe just feed me to the soil