Story time. Last year, I was on a school trip to some town. It was just my class and two others in the same "direction". We were there for three days or something. My friends were there, etc, good times ahead. I also had an ear infection since the day before we left, and only seemingly ineffective painkillers (the doctor understandably didn't want to prescribe antibiotics if it could be viral) to deal with this. I still really wanted to go, though, and no ragrets. (On the whole, I mean. This IS about ragrets, but not really.)
But anyway, the night before we left there was some party thing organized by the dudes in the classes and stuff, and I was slowly dying (the Dutch word "creperen" catches my meaning quite well, but I don't know of an English equivalent) in my bunk bed. Not everybody in my room was at the party, for various reasons. I wasn't because I don't like parties and listening to loud music with a very painful ear infection seemed like an unpleasant experience.
So I'm on my room and bad music is being listened to anyway, just at a manageable volume.
So the topic is girls, as it is from time to time, and some of the dudes on my room start betting for me to go get one of the less popular girls. The reward I would have received for this would have been five to ten euros, in a time when the euro was a stronger currency than it is now. Anyway, it wasn't really about the money.
In the end I obviously did not do this and didn't really leave my bed for most of the evening. Even without head-splitting pain I probably wouldn't have done it.
The point of the story is that here I am, almost a year later, wondering if I should have done that. If it would have even been possible for me to do that. What it might have changed.
Eugh, this post isn't very coherent. I think the realisation that I don't really have a chance has finally settled in, so I'm just feeling pretty damn lonely. Desperate for affection /might/ be a way to put it? Nobody seems to be answering me, either, not even the flemish anonymous adolescent email help thingy.