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[Shadowlord]

Another thing about this is that I'm really good at my job - not a big accomplishment, I go multi-hour stretches without actually thinking - and the management in my department, who all like me quite a bit due to my work ethic, are starting efforts to cajole/pressure me into increasing my hours so I'm there more - currently I work almost but not quite full time and they want me to up that so they can promote me. I don't have the heart to tell them that I'm miserable at this job and am beginning to despise it with all of my internal organs. I mean, usually I'm an easygoing person and I haven't gotten angry in years but that place brings me as close as I've been for a while. I look at the customers I serve with actual disdain and resentment now. Why? I don't know them, they could be okay people. But because they bring me work I feel disgruntled towards them for no good reason. I dislike the person it's molding me into.
Can't wait to get out of here or dramatically reduce my hours and go to school - which will bring me around as much angst about my fucking love interest that I didn't even voluntarily choose because she goes to the institution I've applied to, which in hindsight was a factor in my decision making.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this bullshit teenage angst I thought after 3 fucking years of the stuff I'd be over it but noooo it just has to gradually transition into adult angst

They want to promote you to what? Maybe you won't have to deal with customers as much. :3

Oh, and some employers will pay for you to get a college degree (which with some schools you can do online, apparently), presumably thinking that it would make you more useful to them.

[Xantalos]

I should elucidate - I work in a grocery store, or more specifically some weird restaurant/fast food thing with the same brand as the grocery store inside the store itself, not like a McDonald's inside a Walmart, and I'd basically be promoted to assistant supervisor/cook of the department, which'd likely only happen after a year or so. An extra dollar or two an hour and slightly increased responsibilities would be my reward - I've done most of what they do several times when no cook was scheduled for shift. The only things I haven't done that they do are stressing myself out about ordering all the boxes and containers and food we need and sometimes have trouble with suppliers. No challenge there, nor satisfaction having achieved it. It'd just be more stressful meh at best in a position that'd likely require I work full time there. Not doing that.

[Spehss _]

I want to play Dwarf Fortress.

Up until the point where I load up DF, generate a world, and find an embark site and prepare an embark site and embark. Then I lose interest. Because I don't like the terrain of the site, or don't like how I initially planned the fortress but can't go back and undo it because it's been dug, or I just get bored while starting the fort and go do something else.

I want to play Dwarf Fortress but I don't like playing Dwarf Fortress. Catch 22.

[JoshuaFH]

I lost my temper today and punched my bedroom door off it's hinges and threw it into my kitchen. My hand is all skinned and scratched up.

It was a really stupid reason too, my mom has a stupid habit of yelling my dogs name in a really obnoxious way name over and over, and I hate her and just hearing her voice makes me intensely angry. I just lost it for a stupid reason like that.

Just fuck my life.

[MaximumZero]

Come train with me. Martial arts went a long way toward helping me control my temper a little bit.

[Orange Wizard]

You can take consolation in the fact that punching a door off its hinges is pretty badass.

...

In all seriousness, though, anger problems suck. Was more of an issue for me when I was younger, but getting intensely pissed off over dumb things is something I still do.
The way through it for me was to notice when I was starting to get angry, and immediately GTFO to do something distracting. Fireballing civilians in Oblivion was pretty cathartic back in the day.

[highmax28]

So my crush just told me in the time around where we started to talk again, she "kinda" slept with someone. From what she told me, it sounded more like they tried and it didn't work, and first time was he couldn't get it up, second time was she was sick... So I don't even know... I'm heartbroken a bit, but since I wasn't there, I can't say I blame her for doing it. I'm also glad she told me now rather than later, because it would have hurt more later.

This was also before I kissed her and we really started to open up to each other (for those who missed it on the sad thread, we cuddled all night monday and really got connected with each other and tuesday and wednesday I kissed her). I'm also glad that it wasn't after we started to get closer, because then that would've been a bigger heartbreaker...

I found that out this night because she randomly was apologizing to me about things that she doesn't even know what about, I don't even know what caused her to do that and she won't tell me. It also doesn't help that when she said it (the apology for something that, as she tells me, "doesn't have the right words for yet") I thought it involved the first paragraph (sleeping with someone), or it involved her cutting herself, or, as I sort of said on the happy thread before I removed it, she got news and was going to give up on living (she has health problems, and if the news about her current state is terminal, she told me she's giving up and just going to die...). It came up in our conversation when I told her the two things that she could tell me that would hurt me was she didn't want to talk to me anymore or hated me, and she had feelings with someone else and/or slept with someone else. I'm fucking jealous of course, but considering I'm a virgin, I fucked off for a bit, I'm emotionally unstable, and I'm not confident, I'm pretty sure that any sort of sexual encounter with my crush isn't going to happen anytime soon, if at all.

She says she doesn't know what to feel towards me, but she says its nothing negative, she shows signs that she likes me and yet doesn't, and its all mind boggling to me... I know I shouldn't try to understand women, but goddamnit, of all people I had to fall for... And the worst part is, because of how she feels right now with a lot of things, that maybe I shouldn't expect anything, despite the fact she said she truly doesn't know if anything will go anywhere. She even said to me that maybe if it all does work out with her, that maybe she won't want to be with anyone... And unfortunatley, she's the only one, out of at least 8 women, that I had the potential to ask out and date who all had many redeeming qualities.. But to me, she's greater than all of them because she knows her flaws, accepts them, and tries to change them. She doesn't know HOW to change them, but she's trying (I do know how she can get help, but I don't want to tell her to take 3 months off and go to Brentwood... I know for MANY people, it will help, and I want her to do well, but if I suggested it, I'm scared she'd get offended or upset)

I don't regret falling for her, and I don't regret anything we did, and I don't regret I told her I love her today. She responded saying she loved me back, be it romantically or platonically. I know she has no idea how to feel about me and she doesn't have the words to describe it, and in truth, neither do I. She thinks shes leading me on, and my sponsor thinks she is too. 

One of the other things she said to me is what if I'm fighting to win her over, only to have my heart broken. Essentially, charging headlong into the fray and overtaking obstacles only to reach a cliff and be pushed off it. My response essentially, was at least I got to enjoy the moments we did share together, and when it comes down to it, isn't that what relationships are all about? She may not be the one I will spend the rest of my life with, she might not be the one before that, or the one before that, and she might not even be the woman who takes my virginity, but it was damn fun and enjoyable spending the times I could with her.


In other news, I'm convinced my ex is losing the idea of what is reality and what is fantasy... And there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

[Xantalos]

One of the other things she said to me is what if I'm fighting to win her over, only to have my heart broken. Essentially, charging headlong into the fray and overtaking obstacles only to reach a cliff and be pushed off it. My response essentially, was at least I got to enjoy the moments we did share together, and when it comes down to it, isn't that what relationships are all about? She may not be the one I will spend the rest of my life with, she might not be the one before that, or the one before that, and she might not even be the woman who takes my virginity, but it was damn fun and enjoyable spending the times I could with her.

This is a good thing that you have this attitude, if it's any consolation. Probably. I know it's one of the few things that've kept me relatively sane through the span of my attraction. I tuck what I can into well-hidden drawers in my mind - various things that indicate that she'd probably date me if not for already being in a loving relationship - including one time she outright said that - things we've done together, mainly comprising of going to local food places and walking about our neighborhood talking about random shit, etc. Stuff that makes all the rest of it kinda bearable.

Blergh. I either need to talk to somebody about this or hijack my hormonal system to be attracted to someone else (or no one, preferably) because it's only a matter of time before I end up saying something that'll give me away and I don't know that I could really withstand this particular metaphorical boil bursting.
I mean goddamn I'm tired as shit but I'm delaying going to sleep because there'd be a period before I fully fell asleep where I'd have no internet article or forum game or book or music to distract my mind from going through thought trains about her, no way that's healthy

[JoshuaFH]

You can take consolation in the fact that punching a door off its hinges is pretty badass.

It's actually a rickety, weak door that couldn't keep anything in or out. Not to overstate my actual punching abilty, it wasn't a feat.

Come train with me. Martial arts went a long way toward helping me control my temper a little bit.

I'd like to do something manly with my life, my life feels squandered as it is. I've been thinking about becoming a volunteer firefighter, but my life's a mess and I'm terribly out of shape.

[Insanegame27]

Couple of things. Well, I just forgot one of them, so that makes three things.
1: Still feeling the sting of rejection from... June, I think. Anyone know any ways to get over it?
2: I had one here but...
3: I forgot #2

[Tawa]

Jeez, do you have dialup or something?

Satellite internet, which forces a datacap on us. Same reason I haven't played multiplayer games over the internet in months.

Ewwww. No-one should have to live with data caps (or at least horribly small ones). That's too cruel.

+42

Finally got the installation done. I figured that it wouldn't hurt to get started by downloading TF2 today, then pick up the three ten-dollar games I have in mind after I get some spare change from Christmas gift, right?

Except TF2 is around 2 gigabytes with an estimated download time of about four hours, approximately half an hour before free-internet time rolls around.

*le sigh*

[hops]

I don't think TF2 is the best thing to play with datacap.

[Tawa]

It oughta be fine in the mornings, when their traffic is minimal and the datacap is ignored.

Better than our old ISP, anyway. They used to include absolutely everything under the cap, including images and basic webpages, which meant that I had to block imgur to stop images hosted there from loading and taking up massive amounts of bandwidth.

[TheBiggerFish]

@Caroline:
...I don't even know what to say besides that is not how to train a dog and that I really wish I could just... Make your parents make sense.  But I can't.

 

[Yoink]

Diarrhoea is not fun.
Especially not when you were supposed to be at work an hour ago. >.>