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[Bauglir]

I probably sound like a shit, but whatever, goodnight everyone.

nah

irrational, impulsive thoughts like that are things that happen to you, not things you do

[highmax28]

Tomorrow I see my group leader about everything I've been bitching about the past week and I'm scared.

I don't know what to expect. And I talked to a few people about it, and they all told me to tell this girl how I feel about her. I'm scared that if I do (and my group leader doesn't say "don't talk to her ever again") it will change everything. I got asked twice if it would be better to live knowing that I let her go and not told her how I feel (one of them is on bay12 here, so shout outs to you (won't say their name)) and I asked myself it and I can honestly say I would rather live with the certainty that she doesn't like me the way I like her than dealing with the pain of "what if" for the rest of my life.

I gushed out to two classmates about how she makes me feel, and they ran into a massive paragraph each time of how she makes me feel. I'll spare the details, but essentially, I realized that I also never really told her how much she means to me. She does so much for me without even trying. She makes me smile just by talking to me, she makes all my woes and pains leave when she strokes my hair to the point I want to cry because I'm so at peace, and she has managed to give me more confidence in myself that she broke me out of my writer's block that I had since I got out of Brentwood (aka rehab/recovery). When she recited poems to me, she even told me that I could write poems if I really tried. AND I SUCK AT THEM. I'm no good at rhymes and my skills are honed more towards stories.

And I also realized I have no actual word to describe the feeling she makes me feel when I'm with her. I don't think I possess the words to actually say what I feel about her, and with the words I DO know, I can't do her justice. If this is love, then yes, I love her. If this is something else, again, I don't know what to call it.

And tomorrow, I'm scared that a single verdict could spell something terrible, something completely unexpected, possibly the end of my sobriety, something absurdly good or a combination of them all. Though with how I've been dealing with things, I'm expecting to get my ass chewed out for holding this in for a month. Seriously, bash me all you want for having such strong feelings in this time span, but I told her everything about me (because being 21 years old and a shut in, I don't have much to tell) and she has told me quite a bit (she's 18 turning 19 and she's lived the life of someone who should be at least twice her age if averages at Brentwood is any sort of comparison. And the best part is she's gotten past it when there are men who are 50+ in age who can't even admit ONE of the things done to her was done to them).

If I come back tomorrow at about this time with a rant about how shitty things are, you'll know he gave me a verdict I don't agree with

[TheBiggerFish]

Highmax: Just TELL HER, for goodness sake!
Then again, if I was in the same situation I would probably be agonizing as much as you are so who am I to talk?  But seriously, you should just tell her how you feel.

[Spehss _]

I probably sound like a shit, but whatever, goodnight everyone.

nah

irrational, impulsive thoughts like that are things that happen to you, not things you do

This was basically what I wanted to respond to Josh's post with earlier, but I wasn't sure how to word it aside from "ignore the intrusive thought" which doesn't sound like very helpful advice.

[IcyTea31]

If you feel a negative answer could cause you to relapse, you might want to talk about that too with your group.

However it will go, good luck.

[Yoink]

Ugh, life sux.
I almost feel like writing dreary poetry about how awful everything is, but that seems like it would be too cliché.
Maybe I'll just go finish that bottle of Johnny Walker instead... 

[TD1]

The difference between me and Yoink
I pick the poetry, he picks the potcheen/poteen

[Yoink]

* Yoink looks confused and heads to Google.

Poitín; or poteen /ˈpʊtʃiːn/ is a traditional Irish distilled beverage. Poitín was traditionally distilled in a small pot still and the term is a diminutive of the Irish word pota, meaning "pot". The Irish for a hangover is póit.

Huh, cool. Stop making me learn things Dwarfy jeez.

[Tack]

Learning is fun!
I'm learning money management. As are you!
Let us take our journey into first-world poverty!

[MaximumZero]

I really hate this time of year. Stupid holidays.

[Rolan7]

I really hate this time of year. Stupid holidays.

[Yoink]

Fortunately I've managed to avoid most of the usual 'in-your-face' Christmas advertising.
The only thing I've noticed is the slow, creeping dread of not having gifts for people when they decide to give them to me... argh.

[BurnedToast]

Fortunately I've managed to avoid most of the usual 'in-your-face' Christmas advertising.
The only thing I've noticed is the slow, creeping dread of not having gifts for people when they decide to give them to me... argh.

Don't ever feel bad for that.

If they are just giving you a gift, then all they need in return is a thank you. They wanted to buy something to make you happier or whatever, so accept it in the spirit it was given.

if people are giving you a gift only so that they get something in return, they aren't giving a gift at all - they are trying to guilt you into some unwanted commercial transaction. Maybe next year they will just buy something for themselves instead and leave you out of it.

Sometimes I feel like the monstrosity christmas has become has destroyed people's understanding of what a gift is.

[TD1]

Don't care what every one else says - I love Christmas. That may be because I get more out of it than I give

[sprinkled chariot]

Forgot about french fries, they got fried so hard, that they nearly turned into cinders. Fucking inaudible cinders.