@miauw
In that case you need to come to the realisation that you don't actually like the person but some of their qualities. It's much easier imho to keep yourself from unconciously falling for someone when you keep this in mind.
Tho nothing stops you from getting to know them better and realising that they are in fact crush-worthy material, but what you do then is completely up to you.
@Rolan
Never too late to learn anything
But your view isn't all that messed up honestly, if anything, I'd say it makes you a better partner if you're willing to accept the bad stuff with the good. But if the other does care for you enough I'm willing to bet they'd try and work on the bad stuff with you. Same goes for you really.
(and ninjad by TempAcc because I take five hours to write a post)
@Tack
Kinda same here, I think, most of the girls, heck, most of the people I hang out with have been trough some horrible stuff, some more some less. Which makes me feel kinda crappy that I haven't and seem to be much worse at dealing with stuff as a result. I guess surving shitty things gives you perspective which makes dealing with everyday shit easier, now, you can develp perspective on your own but it seems to be hella difficult to do.
And my personal sads, or more anxiusness is suprise suprise directly related to all of the above.
Basically, I think I'm over it all, or almost there, but in any case, I need to make this step to either confirm that or force myself to get over it properly after all this time. And I want to re-establish proper contact with her and be friends again but I'm scared shitless that it'll happen again. That I'll let her close and get hurt again, beucase she may say she's changed but I can't really know that unless I let her close again and risk it. And I really want to, to take risks and grow as a person, to have somebody as exceptional as her in my life, but the more I consider it the more hesitant and apprehensive I get.
Because for all the good it might do, and all the great things that might happen if I go trough with it, the flipside is that I risk losing several months getting close to someone only to get burned and pushed back into depression again, which is not something I can afford because I'l have to go and find a job and become a functioning adult come next year.
Sometimes I honestly wish I could order a lobotomy and just become a housplant, less fucking hassle that way.
Another ninja, yes JoshuaFH, you can do it bro!