Ninjaedit:
All the best MZero. I'm sure WEyez is going to be fine, so I expect you to give is the happy news when it all goes swimmingly.
It's late at night and I'm musing, dwelling, thinking.
My old enemy.
Was going to post this on Facebook, but I don't need meatspace people knowing I think. It could ruin my reputation.
In any case, my musings seem to be on track with the thread for once, albeit loosely.
The heart, in my opinion (metaphorical heart, not anatomical), is a little child.
It serves to do little more than scream and scream if it doesn't get what it wants, and giggle and coo if it does.
But only for a little while.
If the clichés are to be believed, the only way to bring this squalling, rapacious bundle of feelings under control is to smack it. Steel your heart; Temper your heart.
Failing to give it those object lessons in it's infancy has much the same affect as the apt metaphor. It grows spoilt, self-entitled and, worst of all, hyperactive. Nothing but screaming for the thing you can't have, the thing you missed, the toy which the other child is playing with, even though you have your own and it has bells on.
Grown adults acting with heavily layered veneers of civility and honor crafted and honed throughout a lifetime have it all discarded when the squalling bundle of feelings rears its ugly head.
But that's only one side of the coin. Too strict, too hard and harsh, and the heart becomes dutifully quiet, docile, dull, indecisive and, of course, cautious. Which can be just as bad. Relationships don't last any longer as the spoilt heart's I want everything is replaced by the cold heart's "Are you Absolutely Sure you want This One?". The heart is obediently piloted by the brain and the imagination is never as active as when it's conjuring fresh doubts.
The reason I've been gnawing on this little metaphor is because over the last few years, I fear I've become the latter, although I have chilling memories of when I was the former, and consequently far less of a gentleman, and far less of a friend.
But the stony silence of a dead heart is unbearable in it's own way. My last relationship ended amicably and independent of the cessation of carnal gratification, because one can still appreciate talent. In fact, that state of affairs only actually ended when I realized that my not-so-significant other was still allowing feelings to interact with sex, which was clearly akin to a personal betrayal. Yet for some reason I yearn for the times when the right person could allow my heart to take the rest of my body hostage, force me into kissing who shouldn't be kissed, or losing interest in the toy I have, for any toy I do not.
Which is to say, I'm looking at the grass on the other side, and it's greener. Even though when I was just there, it was dry, yellow and wholly unsatisfying.
But I want it. So I guess the brain is just a heart with more cunning.
tl;dr: Screw that, this is the one time I'm not willing to summarise my train of thought.
If you can't be fucked reading it, I'll probably regret writing it less.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9767018 times)