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[Descan]

Oh dear. The midnight horses been visiting you?

I believe she meant "This is a nightmare!" re: dysfunctional parent relationship she was dealing with. :v

[Truean]

there's no way I'm getting you frozen boozecream over the Atlantic without it thawing.

It's that god damn Ocean, again.

[Tawa]

I haven't heard from my girlfriend in a few weeks.

I hope she's OK.

I'm becoming increasingly worried about this. It's coming up on 3 weeks since I last heard from her, and she seemed... pretty depressed last time we conversed.

I'm probably overthinking it, and she's probably fine; she's taken significantly longer breaks from the internet before. But I really miss her, and I can't help but worry over whether she's OK or not.

[NullForceOmega]

Call her?

[Tawa]

Don't have her number. Which would be kind of awkward anyway for various reasons I'll keep to myself.

[Yoink]

Oh how I hate this existence.
I don't want to die, but I don't want to live, either. Why is there no third option?!

What would a third option even be? You're either alive and conscious or dead and not alive/conscious. To be any kind of conscious or aware is to be alive, ie, not being dead.

Even assuming afterlife is a thing, you'd be "alive" by being conscious/aware of being in the afterlife, you just wouldn't be alive in the sense of your current physical existence.

I guess the closest we come is escapism... books, stories, films, art, and music that allow us to imagine something better.
Hopefully someday soon my mind is in a place where I can (learn to?) create such things for use by myself and others.

Oh how I hate this existence.
I don't want to die, but I don't want to live, either. Why is there no third option?!

The third option is to change your existence, I think. Alcohol is one mechanism you've embraced for altering your mind, but perhaps there are non-chemical strategies that might help? I dunno what, specifically, just trying to be helpful (possibly failing, in which case feel free to call me out on it).

Yeah... well, as I said above, immersing oneself in an enjoyable work of fiction certainly helps.
The problem is you can't stay there forever, and then you have a comedown the same as a drug. Maybe I just need to start reading more again.

That said, booze and psychedelics are pretty damn awesome, I won't argue with that.

[miauw62]

If you need a chance than make one yourself. Waiting like that usuallly never works out, and the longer you wait the harder and weirder it gets, trust me, I know from loads of expirience :V
If you don't want to do it online, and you talk to her occassionally, why not just ask her to hang out, could be anything, heck let her bring friends, you bring yours too, make it less awkward for everybody when there's a bunch of people. Then after a couple of hangouts you tell her how you feel (if you still feel that way then), it will be much easier because you'd have probably gotten a bit closer at that point. Just don't wait too long to do it tho, lest you slide into the 'friendzone'

I would, and I've been doubting whether to asking her out, just tell her, or both. I just don't really have any idea of what to do, though. I just can't really think offer anything.

[Xantalos]

I've been noticing myself taking more and more subtle steps toward intimacy with a girl I know. This is bad because as I've said before in other late night rants about this, she's otherwise engaged and happy in that relationship.
I've been struggling with repressing my feelings enough in order to maintain my friendship with her for around 9 months now, and looking back at some things I did before that time - for instance pretty much the first thing I did after my 4-hour long black belt karate grading was go see her at our work under the guise of getting food from there, even though I could barely think at the time, much less stand up or walk - the feels were probably also developing before then, but I didn't quite consciously realize it yet. Which given that I didn't want to realize it makes sense that it could stew for that long before coming to the surface of my mind.

And now my birthday is coming up in but a few days and alcohol's going to be involved because she's wanted to get me drunk ever since she found out how old I was and a small condensed corner of my mind is terrified that a confession will leak out. I cannot have that happen. I will not fuck up the best thing I currently have in my life in order to reach for that which I should not reach for and will never attain.

I honestly never thought all that emotional abuse I suffered earlier in my childhood that taught me how to repress my feelings so they don't show or affect me too much would be useful, but it's worked so far. Figures this situation would come about just as I'm unlearning a lot of those restrictions.

I suppose I'll just need to really focus on keeping it to myself - I've given myself little reminders and such to look at over the course of the evening - because this has the potential to explode into a fucked-up situation if my feelings end up slipping beyond me, which brings me back to the beginning of this disjointed rant - I can feel in my gut that I'm getting closer and closer to confessing, and I can't stop myself from going down that path.

Fucking emotions, man.

TL;DR I'm becoming too smooth for myself to stop myself making hints of insinuations of possibilities of advances towards someone I really shouldn't

[Tack]

Fucking emotions indeed.

Because iron-will and self-control are the pinnacles of humanity until feelings shit all over them.

Good luck. Maybe pretend to drink more?

[Rubidium]

The wiki that hosted most of the images in my avatar is GONE.
REPLACED WITH THIS.
Now I have to use elements...AGAIN!

[TempAcc]

Why not just take the images you want and then host them in an actual image hosting website so you can actualy have some control over them? :v

[Sirus]

Why not just take the images you want and then host them in an actual image hosting website so you can actualy have some control over them? :v

This.

[Rolan7]

Fucking emotions indeed.

Because iron-will and self-control are the pinnacles of humanity until feelings shit all over them.

Good luck. Maybe pretend to drink more?

This sounds like good advice.
And if you're going to be in a situation where your inhibitions will be weaker, plan ahead.  Maybe think of some dumb things you can do, harmless dumb stuff you won't deeply regret later. 

I've narrowly avoided many an embarrassing drunk confession by laughing my ass off to dumb Youtube videos.  Or even like, getting super into some music and "dancing".  Embarrassing, since I'm normally really reserved, but not stuff I actually regret.  Feels great too.

But also yeah moderation in drinking is obviously a good strategy.

[Eric Blank]

Kittens chewed the wire off my nice head phones. Damn fuzzbeasts again ;-;

[Xantalos]

Fucking emotions indeed.

Because iron-will and self-control are the pinnacles of humanity until feelings shit all over them.

Good luck. Maybe pretend to drink more?

Fucking emotions indeed.

Because iron-will and self-control are the pinnacles of humanity until feelings shit all over them.

Good luck. Maybe pretend to drink more?

This sounds like good advice.
And if you're going to be in a situation where your inhibitions will be weaker, plan ahead.  Maybe think of some dumb things you can do, harmless dumb stuff you won't deeply regret later. 

I've narrowly avoided many an embarrassing drunk confession by laughing my ass off to dumb Youtube videos.  Or even like, getting super into some music and "dancing".  Embarrassing, since I'm normally really reserved, but not stuff I actually regret.  Feels great too.

But also yeah moderation in drinking is obviously a good strategy.

Hmm. That'll actually work; I can plan stuff based on the quirks I've established that I have to my social group and act out in ways borne out by those without drawing attention to my real issues!
It'll probably need some mental preperation beforehand to fully function, but I do have the day before booked off so I'll have time to gird myself as it were.
Thank you both!