I give up.
I'm done, I'm done trying to help better my mom, I'm done helping people, I'm done being nice, all I've ever truly wanted was for everyone to understand eachother but I see now that everyone wants to be stuck in their bubble, they don't want help bettering themselves, they don't want to better themselves entirely, they don't give a shit about understanding, they want what's most convienient for them, they don't want a debate, they want an enemy, they don't want shades, they want sides, so I guess I'm the outlier.
Yet that isn't true, is it? I'm just as bad, just with a veneer of disillusionment, I don't want a better sleep schedule, I don't want to end my panic attacks, I don't want to end my self satisfied little depression spirals and I don't want to get thin because I like my self loathing and I like my little autistic like habits because it gives me enemies and enemies are what I can focus all my hatred onto, because once you have no enemies, where does all that fury go?
In a deep dark pit inside my soul, I guess, like some sort of goddamn time bomb to start ticking whenever I want to scream and yell and hate, whenever someone doesn't line up precisly with what I want, I don't want to stop saying sorry as a force of habit, because I like being told I'm a good little boy.
I look into the future and I see horrible, horrible things, I'm a teenager, and all I see for my adult life is more shit, more Donald Trumps, more Tony Abbots, sneaky little cocks that they are, global warming, worldwide economic problems, privacy invasions, pollution, war, endless war, killing, crimes, overpopulation, my parents titter as they read the news of the government passing a new law saying that the high court can't put those little criminals in jail for bribing the boats to turn back to a country that will kill them yet I'm the one who's going to live his adult life existing in that time that everyone says is going to go to shit, and yet as a child I can't do a thing, all I can do is quietly sob, stay locked in my security blanket of a room, playing videogames and going to school, every night, dreading going to sleep, knowing my panic attacks will creep up on me and dreading waking up, so what do I do?
Wait, and be just another little ant in this world I guess, because that's how it works.