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[miauw62]

My habit of sitting cross-legged seems to have killed one for my pants: it now has a hole on one side, just above the knee.

[penguinofhonor]

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[Dutchling]

 -

[Shook]

@Shook

Well, what helps me is thinking about what I want. Not so much figuring out a goal, per se, but first figuring out what kinds of goals are worth figuring out. When you're searching blind for a goal for the sake of having a goal, it's hard to find something worthwhile. It's easy to settle on things you already like - but you might not be that kind of person. For me, I wound up focusing on who I wanted to be and what I wanted to accomplish. Maybe you'd be better suited to searching for what you want to have, or what you want to experience, or what you want to do, or something like that.

Thing is, the meaning of life is hard to find when you're searching for the meaning of life. The universe is somewhat infuriatingly zen about these things. Fulfillment is one of those goals you'll usually only find in retrospect, while doing something else entirely. So basically, what you tend to need is a goal you could appreciate even if you didn't want a goal. Something not picked in order to fill the void. Once you have that, you can set about figuring out how to get from A to B by a more straightforward plan, and enjoy the sense of rightness that flows out as a byproduct.

In my experience, that sort of thing flows a lot more easily once I have a direction to start looking in. How you figure out the direction might be unique to you, but some good places to start are - what do you think of as Good? What are the qualities you admire in your role models? What are their flaws? What sort of person are you now? What sorts of things can you change about yourself? If you imagine yourself dying for a cause, do you know what the cause is?

First of all, thanks for responding. c:
Upon further thought, my problem is not so much that *I* want a goal, but rather that i'm expected and practically required to have one. I'm personally perfectly happy with goofing around all day, living for the laughs, adventures and probably arts. The problem? NOBODY ELSE seems to be ok with me doing that. I sound unreasonable to all you working folks out there, i'm sure, but that's how my brain seems to work. Dreamers and idealists like myself are looked down upon for being lazy and unrealistic, but frankly, is it really so weird to be dissatisfied with reality when it seems like i have to strip out what makes me tick inside and replace it with robotics? Because that's the impression i'm getting. I don't feel like i'm being treated as a person as much as an undefined resource that needs to shut up and get shaped in order to make money. This particular song/animation comes to mind, although i'm not being chased quite as relentlessly.

As for the guiding questions, i'll give them some thought, since i can't fully answer them at the moment.

[Caz]

I'm a terrible human being and failed to realise it until now. Welp.

[Jopax]

Isn't that a life goal though? To make people laugh and be happy and whatnot.

See, the way I see it, a goal doesn't have to a job or a career or anything like that. It can be the silliest or the most mundane thing you can imagine and it doesn't need to take up your entire existance. It can be the thing you do to unwind after work, or a side project you tinker with on weekends, but it's almost always the thing that gets you trough the tough spots because you know it'll be there waiting for you afterwards.

So go become good at something, anything really, get a living wage, it doesn't need to be immedate or high paying, but enough to put food on the table. With that out of the way you'll have (hopefully) enough free time to pursue your other wants and needs. Sure you'll need to do stuff you don't want to and it won't be easy but honestly, providing for yourself is a basic thing almost everybody needs to be able to do. You might not like that about the world but it's the way things are, and pretty much always have been. And I think the sooner you come to terms with that the happier (or atleast, less unhappy) you'll be.

Your job doesn't define you, you define yourself, your job is just a means to an end, and the most basic end is having a roof over your head and not starving.

Sorry if that seemed a bit harsh or something, just something I've realised myself since I've been struggling with mostly the same stuff you are now, heck  I still am to a point but I'm not letting that stuff get me down anymore.

And now for unrelated, personal sads. Completely unproductive day, tinkered a bit with a piece from yesterday, doodled for a bit, studied for a bit, cleaned up the room a bit but nothing substantial, and most of the day is gone. I'm left looking back and realising I've just wasted most of the day doing fuck all and feeling mostly terrible for it :V

Ninja Edit:
No you're not Caz!
You might've been doing something bad without realising it, but that doesn't make horrible. Now that you've realised your error you can work and remedy it. Not doing that will make you a horrible person tho. Everybody has a choice of being good or bad I think, as long as you're aware of what your choices are you choose what kind of person you are, nobody else.

[Bauglir]

Ah, don't worry about it, Shook. I tend to admire people who know what they want, and you want something that sounds pretty reasonable to me. Life is about experiences, after all - wanting to enjoy it is pretty cool. The hard thing, then, is to figure out how to do that with what you've got for resources. What experiences you don't want are worth having in order to have the experiences you do? There's a lot that aren't - the soul-crushing menial labor job society expects dreamers and other "lazy" people (God but I hate that stereotype) to get tends to run pretty counter to that, so you're likely in a position where you have to find an answer the world doesn't feel like giving to you.

[Arx]

I'm a terrible human being and failed to realise it until now. Welp.

I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: if you think you're a terrible person, you're clearly not, because a terrible person wouldn't know or care. Besides, you've certainly never posted anything that made you seem terrible.

[Descan]

Ear infection.

Someone please murder me.

[GiglameshDespair]

Just amputate your head.

[Helgoland]

Someone please murder me.

Spoiler: Here you go (click to show/hide)

[Caz]

Ninja Edit:
No you're not Caz!
You might've been doing something bad without realising it, but that doesn't make horrible. Now that you've realised your error you can work and remedy it. Not doing that will make you a horrible person tho. Everybody has a choice of being good or bad I think, as long as you're aware of what your choices are you choose what kind of person you are, nobody else.

I realised it and didn't care because I thought the bad would be cancelled out by the bad that other people were doing. Probably doesn't make sense without context, but if a bad person is acting bad and you're trying to help someone (and help yourself, I guess) while that's happening, well, I knew it was bad but thought it was 'measured' and balanced out somehow. I dunno. Maybe I was deluding myself for what I wanted in the first place.

I don't want to be bad, but it seems like there's only bad choices, and even when I try to make the 'good' choices they turn out to be bad.

I said 'bad' like 643634 times in this post. Derp.

Just things have been going really horrible the last month. Probably depression is warping my brain. Dunno if it's that my actions are making my head go cray cray or me being nuts is making my world go stupid. Probably both.

I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: if you think you're a terrible person, you're clearly not, because a terrible person wouldn't know or care. Besides, you've certainly never posted anything that made you seem terrible.

I thought that before, but maybe if I didn't realise it until now I was just a horrible person all that time? Even saying these things is horribly self-indulgent because it's like inviting people to say 'ohh no you're ok caz don't think you're horrible' like you're some self-pitying lunatic. I just feel like I'm at my limit. The things that have happened in the last couple of months I wouldn't have even dreamed of, but they happened anyway. I just don't know where I'm going anymore.

At least Bay12 lets me rant, though. And your good words do provide some sort of buffer to how crap I feel right now. So, thanks. Thanks.

[Shook]

Jopax and Bauglir, you make some good points. My overarching goal in this life is to make the world at least a tiny bit better than it was before, and making people happy and laugh-y counts for that purpose. Unfortunately for me, i am a horridly emotional guy, and if my mood/emotions aren't cooperating, that tends to make everything several orders of magnitude more difficult. I'm not really concerned with getting a super-high salary job; i'd be content with a low-mid salary (which, mind you, is still reasonably good in Denmark) if the job feels like an ok thing to be doing a lot. Even more so if it's actually nice. The problem with that is that i DON'T KNOW what such a job would actually be. :I

Another thing that plagues me is that i'm not averse to contributing to society. Quite the opposite, in fact; i'm very concerned about contributing with what i'm best at, instead of some half-hearted attempt at something that i'm extremely mediocre at. It's like, if you have a bricklayer and a gardener for your village, you COULD have the bricklayer weeding out gardens and the gardener trying to build walls around the village, but it would be much better for everyone involved if you let them do what they do best. This is also why it's so incredibly difficult for me to find the study that feels right for me, because there WILL be classes that i'm not good at. My metaphorical buttcheeks are just getting sore from all the clenching.

Of course, there are things such as Patreon that could maybe ease the burden a little. Problem is, i VERY STRONGLY doubt that enough people would be willing to pay for my stuff for it to be a viable source of income. 'Course, i haven't actually tried yet. :I

[MaximumZero]

It'sonlyonemoreweekonlyonemoreweekonlyonemoreweekonlyonemoreweekonlyonemoreweekonlyonemoreweek...

[Yoink]

Are you turning into an alcoholic?

Hey now, I was at a bar in a social situation! That's hardly an alcoholic thing.
Also if I hadn't been so foolish as to buy one of their overpriced pints, I could have afforded four cans of cheap beer, or two big cans of PBR. Stupid self...