It's a bit of a story tbh. But to keep it hopefully short, I don't belive she's a bad person, she did do some shitty things in the past, but again, taking all things into consideration I honestly don't see her as a bad person because of it. And she did do some shitty things to me, but again, I hold myself partially to blame there and don't hold that against her because of that. It's just that something like this is not what I'd expect from someone of her intelligence and character. This isn't something that happened and can be forgiven or explained, this is something that needs to be changed but I'm not sure if she's willing to. Because that's the thing that I think I've figured out about her. She's messed up and as such tends to mess up people that get close to her, but instead of trying to change or get better she keeps hiding behind that damned "I'm bad" excuse.
And that's the thing I think, she's not a bad person she's just scarred and scared and it's the reason why she thinks she's a bad person. And I have no idea how to help her exactly, partially because I'm kinda messed up myself and need to fix myself first and partially because I'm afraid I'll just end up pushing her away because I'm certain she'll resist any attempt I make.
I do plan on talking to her about this, and other things, but that talk isn't happening for another month, mostly because I realised that any attempt I made to fix whatever it is that we have right now was just making everything worse, so I promised I wouldn't do anything for several weeks and hold off any important talks I might want to have with her.