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[Tack]

Ooh! Because of Children in a failed marriage?

Also polygamy, open relationships, etc etc.
Many reasons how it could be '"'ok'"', but this is was not one of those.

I personally suffer a lot from the 'what if' factor during relationships, but that just leads me to end it, or avoid all of their friends until some awkward questions come up.

[Baffler]

Cheating is one of the few things someone can do to make me think they're a genuinely horrible or at least extremely cowardly person. Other things on the list include murdering people for no reason at all.

It's....not always so black and white as that. 

I think it might be. I certainly can't think of any reasonable mitigating factors for adultery outside of things that could get the person you're cheating with charged with sexual assault.

[Bauglir]

I think it might be. I certainly can't think of any reasonable mitigating factors for adultery outside of things that could get the person you're cheating with charged with sexual assault.

I can, depending on what you mean by "mitigating". For example, if your partner has consistently demonstrated a lack of respect for that same bond of trust in some way, or is emotionally abusive in a way that makes it too easy to latch onto somebody else who demonstrates legitimate care because "Holy shit, maybe love doesn't have to hurt!" Wouldn't exactly excuse the act entirely, but it sure as hell would change what it says about the person who committed it.

EDIT: From my last post, you might be able to tell that I have some pretty strong reasons not to like cheating on folks. I just think reality has too much nuance for that to be the end of the story.

[RedKing]

I think it might be. I certainly can't think of any reasonable mitigating factors for adultery outside of things that could get the person you're cheating with charged with sexual assault.

I can, depending on what you mean by "mitigating". For example, if your partner has consistently demonstrated a lack of respect for that same bond of trust in some way, or is emotionally abusive in a way that makes it too easy to latch onto somebody else who demonstrates legitimate care because "Holy shit, maybe love doesn't have to hurt!" Wouldn't exactly excuse the act entirely, but it sure as hell would change what it says about the person who committed it.

^^^^
This.

But yeah, I'll accept that I may be a genuinely horrible person.

[itisnotlogical]

Deactivated my Facebook because very few of the people on my friends list there were actually friends in any meaningful sense, and those few all have my phone number anyway. When you deactivate your Facebook, the site brings up a list of random people from your friends list to say "Look, these people will miss you!"

It picked the exact people that I expected would not notice, many of whom had not been in contact with me for over a year. Plan kinda backfired there, Facebook.

[Eric Blank]

I didn't know you COULD deactivate your facebook. I just haven't logged in for two years or something... Nobody misses me anyway, of course. They could always contact me through my sister-in-law, but no. Nobody cares. ;-;

Now I'm actually sad, damnit.

[Graknorke]

I am pretty sure that I am starting to blame other people for problems entirely of my own creation. It's not even like I think that it's their fault, but now whenever I think about it there's the doubt that they could have.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

I haven't touched my face book in at least five years, I just hate all the family drama on it and only used it for games that eventually got boring

[Descan]

Ooh! Because of Children in a failed marriage?

Also polygamy, open relationships, etc etc.
Many reasons how it could be '"'ok'"', but this is was not one of those.

Of course, by calling polyamourous and open relationships 'cheating, just okay cheating,' you're basically saying consensual sex with someone is 'rape, just okay rape.'

:Y

They're both *defined* by the fact that they're not consensual, so by them being consensual, it's no longer cheating/rape. :I

[Bohandas]

Ooh! Because of Children in a failed marriage?

Also polygamy, open relationships, etc etc.
Many reasons how it could be '"'ok'"', but this is was not one of those.

Of course, by calling that 'cheating, just okay cheating,' you're basically saying consensual sex with someone is 'rape, just okay rape.'

:Y

They're both *defined* by the fact that they're not consensual, so by them being consensual, it's no longer cheating/rape. :I

Now that doesn't make a lick of sense.

[Bauglir]

But yeah, I'll accept that I may be a genuinely horrible person.

Nah, I don't think so. You did a bad thing, but based on what you highlighted, for reasons that don't speak to the sort of glaring character faults that merit "genuinely horrible person" status. Moreover, the fact that you can acknowledge it speaks a lot more strongly to the possibility that you're actually a pretty cool dude. I've always valued honesty about mistakes over never making them; and everything you've said suggests that you understand exactly what was wrong about it, and just as importantly what was right (the part where you got out of a bad relationship and into a good one).

Now that doesn't make a lick of sense.

Possibly only because it seems strange to be putting spare change in your mouth. Seriously, though, the issue at hand with cheating isn't the sex part, it's the "I violated my partner's trust in a deep way" part. Which is why it seems to me that an open relationship or whatever isn't cheating, because there was no promise (implicit or otherwise) broken.

[Descan]

Bauglir's got it.

[hops]

I am pretty sure that I am starting to blame other people for problems entirely of my own creation. It's not even like I think that it's their fault, but now whenever I think about it there's the doubt that they could have.

To be fair, most of the time one's misfortune has other people as a contributing factor. The only problem with that mindset is that you can't expect other people to prevent your suffering.

[Bohandas]

They're both *defined* by the fact that they're not consensual, so by them being consensual, it's no longer cheating/rape. :I

How is cheating defined in such a way?

[Descan]

it's the "I violated my partner's trust in a deep way" part.

If your partner consents to you having sex with people other than them, then it's not cheating. If they do not consent and you do it anyway, it is cheating.