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Author Topic: Things that made you sad today thread.  (Read 9774406 times)

Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92415 on: April 26, 2015, 11:51:50 am »

Maybe she just doesn't want to go to prom...?
That's what I was thinking.
.... The point in trying to say is if she doesn't want me going with SOMEONE ELSE and it's that important to her then she should go if not she shouldn't get mad at me for it because I'm not going alone and it's not something I'm missing out on
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wobbly

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92416 on: April 26, 2015, 11:55:41 am »

@caroline - good luck with everything
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Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92417 on: April 26, 2015, 12:49:01 pm »

-snip-
« Last Edit: March 25, 2017, 02:52:27 pm by Vector »
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92418 on: April 26, 2015, 01:16:06 pm »

Yes I have asked her and she uses the same thing she always does for not wanting to go to events like this and a few other excuses.
She doesn't like crowds (though she was entirly fine going to the military ball the other day and dancing with friends in a large group so I call BS on that) and she doesn't think it's that important. But I think it's important and I'm not missing out on it just because she doesn't want to go, she never really wants to do anything with me outside of hanging out every once in a while and I'm getting bored of that, I invite her to a bunch of things and she is never interested in going no matter what they are. It's not that I'm being inconsiderate for her feelings, is it wrong to want to have her with me at these things? But I don't want to go to prom by myself since literaly not a single one of my really close friends is going, I know one friend who is going but they will be with a group of friends and if I went with them is be the only guy and I only know that one friend out of all of them.

It's not like I make her my door mat, especialy since everyone says she wears the pants in this relationship, I'm whipped, and I am her bitch so I see nothig wrong with doing one thing by my own accord if I'm always bending over backwards for her.
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Vector

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92419 on: April 26, 2015, 01:22:36 pm »

It's not that I'm being inconsiderate for her feelings, is it wrong to want to have her with me at these things? But I don't want to go to prom by myself since literaly not a single one of my really close friends is going, I know one friend who is going but they will be with a group of friends and if I went with them is be the only guy and I only know that one friend out of all of them.

It's not like I make her my door mat, especialy since everyone says she wears the pants in this relationship, I'm whipped, and I am her bitch so I see nothig wrong with doing one thing by my own accord if I'm always bending over backwards for her.

I totally sympathize with you. It really sucks when you and your partner have conflicting needs. I'm just trying to explain that minimizing her feelings is not going to get your relationship out of this situation in one piece, if that's a goal.
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KingofstarrySkies

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92420 on: April 26, 2015, 01:24:28 pm »

I'm a massive asshole and now people aren't speaking to me. Yaaayyyy.
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NullForceOmega

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92421 on: April 26, 2015, 01:24:35 pm »

It is probably time to have a long heart-to heart talk with her about this, if she will not meet your requirements for the relationship then you may just have to separate, maybe permanently.  If there is no give and take in a relationship, then the relationship is pretty much dead.
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92422 on: April 26, 2015, 01:28:54 pm »

I don't really want to be in a relationship where she doesn't want to do anything with me besides watch tv at my house.

Also we have conflicting plans for the future but I'm not sure if this discussion belongs here or not



It is probably time to have a long heart-to heart talk with her about this, if she will not meet your requirements for the relationship then you may just have to separate, maybe permanently.  If there is no give and take in a relationship, then the relationship is pretty much dead.

.-. Ya, but this really isn't something I want to end, she's a sweet girl and my parents love her (my mom has basicaly adopted her) and I love her and she's already got a shit ton of stress from work and family problems I don't want to be the one to add on to it
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NullForceOmega

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92423 on: April 26, 2015, 01:32:07 pm »

If you don't communicate that this is something you really have a strong desire to do, and if she cannot agree to either going with you or accepting that you are going to go with a friend, then you have a bad relationship (I have been married for six years, so yes I do know what I am talking about, my wife and I get in fairly heated discussions about things like this frequently, but in the end we can usually see eye-to eye on the matter, even if we don't agree.)
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92424 on: April 26, 2015, 01:38:49 pm »

I have communicated that this is something that I really want to do and it's something that's really important to me and that I don't want to go alone at all and she still doesn't want to go so tomorrow I'm buying my ticket and asking her permission to go with someone else, if she says no I'll ask her if she wants to go with me, if she says no then I'll tell her I'm going with someone else then because I am not going to this completely alone and I'm going to enjoy my life as much as i want to and not be hindered because she never wants to do anything.


I feel like this is clogging the thread so I guess continue through PMs if anybody wants to tell me anything else
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Solifuge

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92425 on: April 26, 2015, 01:43:51 pm »

For starters, if it's important to you, I think you should go. You're your own person, and it's important for you to respect your own needs and wishes. By the same token, try to keep her wishes in mind as well; even if they don't make sense to you, she has her reasons for not wanting to go, and it's important to recognize and respect that too. That baseline mutual respect and frankness is muy importante to the health of any kind of relationship.

Here's an idea: lacking a date, something my friends did was get together as a big group and go together, and just have a good time. I think going as a group is pretty plainly platonic, and she probably wouldn't feel as upset as if you were going with a single friend. Still, I'd discuss it with her first. Particularly since this Prom disagreement seems to be a stand-in for a bigger discussion about the relationship?

If you're upset that you never do things together, or that she's constantly blowing hot and cold, turning down dates and things, etc. that's a perfectly valid problem; don't ignore it! And again she's got her reasons, even if they don't make sense or agree with your own feelings. If you're both serious and willing to give each other the time and energy to talk about it and compromise, I hope you can find a good, mutually respectful solution, whether that's compromising on Prom or resolving to go your separate ways, or whatever. Just sitting on this Prom thing, both you and she will probably end up feeling wronged about this. And once that happens, it'll color any resulting discussion, and probably make it tough for you to hear each other, or come to an understanding of one another.

TL;DR It's lame to make this Prom a proxy for working out your relationship issues, when you could actually just talk about it.
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92426 on: April 26, 2015, 01:52:13 pm »

.-. None of my friends are going accept the one and I don't want to hang out with five girls four of which I barely know.

We probably should talk about our relationship but she always noped away from it, gets super freaking pissed and stops wanting to talk about it, or just says nothing much of her side unless I but her to talk about it then she gets super upset and Bleh.
I wish we had more communication .-.
I'll try to work up the courage to talk about it next time she's over.


If one thing she does upsets me any more than something else it's when she says I'm the malt important thing to her or that God meant for us to be together and then almost never really cares to do anything with me besides hang out occasionally and eat dinner together once in a long while. Then get pissed and upset at me for not wording a good night text properly or not saying I love you the right way.
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WillowLuman

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92427 on: April 26, 2015, 01:57:28 pm »

It's possible to still have a ton of fun going stag. Proms are usually more expensive, so if you haven't had fun going alone to previous dances, prom can still be a different experience.
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scrdest

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92428 on: April 26, 2015, 02:02:06 pm »

If one thing she does upsets me any more than something else it's when she says I'm the malt important thing to her or that God meant for us to be together and then almost never really cares to do anything with me besides hang out occasionally and eat dinner together once in a long while. Then get pissed and upset at me for not wording a good night text properly or not saying I love you the right way.
That... sounds really unhealthy. And kinda sorta potentially abusive.
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Cryxis, Prince of Doom

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #92429 on: April 26, 2015, 02:05:08 pm »

It's possible to still have a ton of fun going stag. Proms are usually more expensive, so if you haven't had fun going alone to previous dances, prom can still be a different experience.

Well I havnt gone stag to a dance yet, I usually just don't go because I don't want to go alone and she won't go with me so this'll be a first. I feel like an ass saying this but money really isn't an issue for me. It's more a social awkwardness of sitting by yourself at prom.


If one thing she does upsets me any more than something else it's when she says I'm the malt important thing to her or that God meant for us to be together and then almost never really cares to do anything with me besides hang out occasionally and eat dinner together once in a long while. Then get pissed and upset at me for not wording a good night text properly or not saying I love you the right way.
That... sounds really unhealthy. And kinda sorta potentially abusive.

Does it? I didn't think it was that bad I just thought it was her being her...
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