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[Graknorke]

Just realised that I have no idea what my self-image of myself is. Personality-wise, obviously.
Sad isn't really the right word for it, but I'm not sure there's a closer adjective.

[Shook]

Why is it not "soul-crushing" for everyone else? Why isn't everyone else utterly miserable and hating their lives at college? It sucks and I can see that it sucks but it seems no one else is aware of how much it sucks. I cannot fathom how people can be happy, rather than just unaware or distracted from how they're actually miserable. That's my outlook on life.

*CHIME*

I find the study itself to be fairly soul-crushing, and i would NOT be able to hang on for as long as i have without the cool people around me. It seems damn near impossible to find a study that's both interesting and not a financial dead end; hell, it's hard enough to just find an interesting one in the first place. Among the many lovely qualities i've inherited from my parents, one of them is a distinct "i don't know where to place myself" trait from my mom. I like art, and am ridiculously emotional in comparison to the stereotypical dudebro, but at the same time, i'm also kind of a huge nerd. Not quite as much nerd as many of my peers, it would seem, but definitely a nerd. (mind you, i'm not using "nerd" in a derogatory manner here, my peers are nice people who don't deserve beration)

But what does that mean? It means i can't find my place in this life for the... Life of me. I don't know if it's because my stress levels are up in the clouds or not, but i find myself being a whiny bitch rather annoyed when i'm required to do things that i don't care for and don't really know how to do without extensive guidance. This, again, describes an annoyingly large part of my study, and possibly other studies as well. I'm basically kind of a lazy jack of all trades given to flights of fancy in a world where diligent and hard-working specialists are favoured. :/

So yes tl;dr i am absolutely more happy when i'm distracted from all this, hence why i game as much as i do, and why i generally try to not think too much about reality. I can't say i currently enjoy being me all that much. :I

[Urist McScoopbeard]

Why is it not "soul-crushing" for everyone else? Why isn't everyone else utterly miserable and hating their lives at college? It sucks and I can see that it sucks but it seems no one else is aware of how much it sucks. I cannot fathom how people can be happy, rather than just unaware or distracted from how they're actually miserable. That's my outlook on life.

uh, because college is fucking awesome? My life is better now than it ever was, so I count that as pretty great. Even if it's not what i think it should be it's leagues better than before, which is reason enough to be happy.

[i2amroy]

Indeed. Yes, it took me two years to realize what I wanted to do, and in fact on average your brain isn't really developed enough to know what you want to do until you are about halfway through college (the parts that deal with self introspection don't fully develop in most people until about age 20-21). But that doesn't mean college as a whole is bad. A lot of degrees spend the first half on general education anyways, or people go to community college for the first two years. Now though, I have easily 4-6x as much free time now in college as I did before. I can find other people and other clubs that enjoy the things that I like that I just couldn't find before, and go join them. I'm part of a non-music majors choir where I can just show up and sing with other people, some of which have sung their whole lives and some who are singing for the first time, and instantly feel like I'm part of a big group that all look out for each other. And now that I'm old enough to have actually figured out what I want to do? I'm taking classes that teach me things that are interesting and have assignments that are still slightly challenging, yet are fun to complete. Having my own car amplifies the fact and it's kinda amazing to realize that if I wanted to drive to another city to go to a concert or something there is absolutely nothing stopping me from doing so (other than the cost of gas). You can eat what you want when you want it (though personally I set up a basic "you cook, I clear the table with alternating dishes turns" with my roommate).

Yes, the first two years or so were some of the most difficult parts of my life. Not being sure what I wanted to do while I slowly did worse and worse in the field that I had temporarily chosen? Absolutely horrible. I had a miniature nervous breakdown near the end of my sophomore year. But at this point I'm glad that I stuck it out. If I hadn't I wouldn't be in the place where I am right now, which is awesome. And honestly? Joining clubs, singing in a choir, etc. made it so that the first two years weren't all bad. There's tons of fun people to meet even if you aren't a very social person, and just finding out what clubs are available and showing up to 1-2 of them goes a long way towards making connections. (Spending time between classes in whatever major/minor lounge is nearby can help too).

Edit: One of the best professors I ever had had this as one of his two mottos. "You are always where you want to be, doing what you want to do". If you are someplace you don't want to be, doing something you don't want to do, then go do something else, somewhere else. But once you choose to do stay somewhere doing something, then you should be giving it your all regardless of how horrible it gets, because you chose to be there. I went to college because I wanted to improve my lot in life, and I judged the costs of it worth it in the long run. That was the fact that stuck me out through the tough times of the first few years, and I think you almost need to have something like that if you want to make it through. Now though, even not having finished yet? It was worth it. Every moment of trial or tribulation that took me to this moment was worth it for what I'm doing now.

[Bauglir]

So, what got me out of feeling as if the world was crushing in around me and all that shit was sitting back to think about what I actually wanted. It was very easy for me to see what was wrong with the world when I had no idea what right was.

For me, it turned out to be beauty. Looking around the world and seeing all these things, from gemstones to paintings to flowers to the bark of a tree to patterns in the mud to the growth of crystals in bone. Even death has beauty in the challenges it forces us to endure and overcome, and the new life that springs from the corpse of the old; and that's to say nothing of what came with the life before. More than that, there's beauty in feeling, from the race of my heart around an attractive person to the chill of rain on my skin, and in thinking about everything from arithmetic to "What are thoughts, even?" And don't get me started on all these incredibly gorgeous, unpredictable minds I'm surrounded by on a daily basis. Seriously, you people (and I mean people in general, not just Bay12, although there are some choice minds around these parts) are the hottest things since Sol.

This enormous, complicated, inexplicable world is all the more beautiful because it's all those things, at least to me. My standards of beauty are far from universal. And they shouldn't be universal! That would be to diminish the whole, I think.

So, that's what I figured I really wanted. To experience as much beauty as I could before something offs me, or I get too tired to keep going. Not to understand all of it, though; I'd never fit it all in my head, lowly human as I am, and the trying would just force too many people and things into too few boxes, and again diminish the beauty of it all. Understanding is great, in that it unlocks the way to see new kinds of beauty and appreciate old ones in new ways, it's just not the end-all goal.

And from that perspective, from the idea of what I want to do instead of what I don't, I can't say I have any complaints. At least, none that have to do with my general outlook on life. I've still got tons of problems, of course, and they need dealing with, but I can't say I'm miserable. There's always something new I can experience, however small it might seem.

Mind you, in college I was pretty much set on getting rich off skills I didn't possess and lusting after women who weren't interested in me, and I was miserable as fuck then. So take that for what you will.

[Orange Wizard]

One of which is housing. I've looked at some apartments in the town where my next school is. They start at $600 a month, and that's before even looking for ones close to the school.

Median rent where I live is about $450. Per week.
So, when you say $600 per month, I hear $150 per week, which is dirt cheap in comparison to everything else.

[TD1]

I came home to do work and then didn't. Now I feel guilty and ashamed, and as if today was just a huge waste of time.

[Descan]

What's the median income though, OW? For a college student?

[Tawa]

I swear, if your mom knew how the Internet worked she'd be quoted on FSTDT daily.

[Orange Wizard]

What's the median income though, OW? For a college student?

Student loan/allowance caps out at $170 (ish) per week, I think. Might be slightly lower. A lot of people work part time as well though, so that's (possibly) another ~$100 per week assuming 25-30 hours and minimum wage.

That, and very, very few people actually rent an apartment for themselves. Usually you'd either stay with your parents or flat with several other people.

[AlleeCat]

I got my "New" 3DS in the mail. By "New" they apparently meant an old one in the "New" box. Working out the return now. I wouldn't be that upset if I hadn't paid something like $60 extra for the "New" version.

[Tawa]

Warning: Don't try to buy any American non-XL N3DSes. They don't sell them here.

[AlleeCat]

It is an XL. I got the old XL in the new XL box.

[Dutchling]

So I was browsing dank elephant gifs.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

;_;

[Tack]

T_T