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[highmax28]

Because of how much my emotions are mixed right now, upset is a better term for this, but I'm saddened and frustrated at the same time as heavily disheartened. Why? I have a final project I have to finish for Javascript that's due on april 26th. No problem, right? Well, me being a f***ing idiot, I decided to help a buddy out and assist him with this final project. Well, jokes on me because by helping I mean doing all the coding myself because he has no idea what he's doing and the entirety of the code I told him to do was 2 lines that I thought was going to take longer and he asked the teacher AND another student to get the code and I STILL had to explain it to him.

So here's the big thing; I added a thing to my code, its a card counter, and I added a function that causes the program to take into account the fact if you come across another card that was already named and then goes back into the list and adds the additional amount to it. So note that before I added this, it worked flawlessly. Now, I added this function and now I have successfully managed to crash my web browser, and all I got was there's a problem on a certain line but it doesn't say what kind of error it is. Now, my usual routine for this is post it on here, but since this is the final project, the joke's on me because if anyone copies my code online, not only do they get a big fat 0, so do we. So unless I get permission from my teacher (and give her proof I am Highmax...) I can't get help for this except from her.

Well, that doesn't seem that bad now, does it? But shes known to instead of answering her emails through emails, she's known to answer you IN PERSON. LIKE ON THE DAY ITS DUE. So here I am in a big panic because I have to debug this code, and then work on part 2. And then I get to the second part which is code a specific thing and what happens? It stops working and says a list doesn't exist when it does. I'm literally on the verge of either breaking down and crying or putting my fist through a wall... And I'm not only upset internally as this nags the hell out of me, but I'm getting visibly agitated, as my mom thinks that after an incident with my dad telling us to f*** off that I'm pissed off at him (he said it because he thought we were talking shit about him) when I'm just agitated about my f***ing code.

So why am I sad? Because I have a major project to finish with a guy who I know is having a REALLY REALLY REALLY hard time with this and I can't get help from on our project, our code doesn't work and I can't figure out why its crashing my web browser, let alone the code just stopping. And to top it all off, I can't ask for help except to my teacher who, though adept at debugging, takes forever to answer her emails, if she answers them at all. Its that feeling of helplessness that's really hitting me right now and the worst part is if I don't get this done right, I'm taking this guy with me, so I can't go "f*** it, here's my code, give me as many marks as you seem fit" which, though a liable option for me since I'm still plowing through this class with an 84 at the moment, I HAVE to do good on this for the sake of my buddy who, if he fails this, I'm 90% sure that he's going to be held back because this is a mandatory class to pass.

[Tack]

Uh, I wanna say Vect, that for as long as I've known you I haven't known you to be 'Emotionless' or even 'Cold'.

[Vector]

-snip-

[Orange Wizard]

Uh, I wanna say Vect, that for as long as I've known you I haven't known you to be 'Emotionless' or even 'Cold'.

+1

Although I haven't know you as long, but those are not words that I spring to mind.

E: Ninja'd. Hurp.

[Vector]

-snip-

[Bauglir]

Tears are basically laxatives?

You're definitely not a cold person, Vector. As a matter of fact, I have a tendency to think of you as vaguely warm and friendly.

[Angle]

No, I agree, you're definitely not cold, vector. I'd always interpreted you as being a little shy and uncertain as to how to communicate, much like myself, but not cold.

[SalmonGod]

Most of it was cognitivized, rather than being horrible unending pain experienced in the heart region :< There's a big difference between "thinking anger" and that moment when you actually viscerally feel it.

... This makes a lot of sense, and it makes me wonder just how much I do this same thing.  One of the major disconnects I've always felt from the rest of humanity is the idea of feeling anything without being able to explain the origins of those feelings is completely alien to me.  And I don't seem to get swept away by emotions.  They inform my goals, but I otherwise stew in them silently. 

It actually shocked me when a couple people at work described me as a "jovial" person not too long ago.  They said I always seem to be laughing and smiling and telling jokes.  And I was like 'Yeah.... but... it's all black humor.  I'm always laughing at how stupid and wrong things are.  I'm incredibly angry and negative.  But I'm also very patient and self-disciplined.'  And they didn't know what to say to that...

Don't repress your feelings, people. It is not good for you. Think about it like taking a shit. You need to find some way to clear all that poo out of your heart.

I know I'm guilty of this.  But it's a conundrum.  Because I know there has to be a balance.  And I feel like I'm always surrounded by people who don't repress a damn thing.  Who are always willing to tear everything down and make life completely dysfunctional for everyone with reckless abandon if they don't like something.  And I've always felt like it's fallen on me to be the reasonable go-between who keeps things operating between all these crazy fucking people, or swallows my own baggage down because the other party is not capable of doing and the results will be catastrophic if someone doesn't volunteer to be the mature one.  So I'm always repressing.  And I know I shouldn't.  But it always seems like it's the only option I have to keep life functioning at work and at home.  And I'm to a point where repressing feels more natural to me than expressing or acting on my emotions.  What do?

Anyway, you know I'm always willing to listen, too.  Spring cleaning sucks, but you always feel like you can breath easier afterwards, right?

[Playergamer]

My elderly dog is having trouble eating, and has lost ten pounds very quickly. Took him to the vet, and results should be back soon. Hope he's fine.

[Vector]

-snip-

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

Well, today was my first day of school. And I walked in, went "People are scary" then finished the whole workbook in an hour and curled up in an unused classroom to cry for the next five. Argh.
At least the work is easy...

(I'm in a chem 30 fast track thing, so I go to school all day Saturday.)

[SalmonGod]

Yeah, I do dwell on the big picture too much.  In an emotional sense.  In a day-to-day sense, I'm pretty good at focusing on what's in front of me, and coming up with solutions to small problems.  And then I'm surprised when I get praise for it, because I don't think it was a big deal compared to all the other problems that are on my mind.

As for the part about managing people, that was a pretty good story.  It's how I roll, too.  I absolutely agree that the secret is to demonstrate to people that you're looking out for them, and they'll return the favor.  Almost universally.  I don't think there's anything in the world that more people appreciate than to know that someone else is willing to share their burdens, hide their shortcomings, promote their strengths, keep them out of trouble, and shrug it off when they behave rashly towards you.  I've seen quite clearly in the last couple years, especially, just how powerful this is, because I think it's the reason I'm likely getting a big promotion soon after being with this company for a very short time.  Because it's been so effective for me, that my team does better work because of it.

It just takes a lot of repression to make it work.  Because operating that way, you'll always be in the minority, and taking on extra burdens, emotional and otherwise, to make it work.  Repression when my boss is freaking out and tearing into people undeservedly.  Repression when co-workers spread negative misconceptions about each other through gossiping.  Repression when deflating someone else's mean game with my nice game.  Repression when my own work has me feeling overwhelmed, but I take some off my co-worker's hands anyway because they're cracking under pressure worse than I am.

And it's funny that you say I don't post about how I'm doing very much here, because this is really the only place I go to vent.

That's what I'm hoping for, anyway. After the big shit, only small daily shits. It will be a good time. A time of colon joy.

Also, this would be the most awkward OOC quote ever.

[Tack]

Aw man. I really want to work with kids someday. I've found the same experiences working with them. Everyone seems to want to work with primary kids too, I'm like 'Hell no. High school is where it's at.' It's that wonderful mixture of thinking they're complicated and actually being pretty simple that makes them just so wonderfully manageable.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Was looking at some of my PMs, when I almost accidentally deleted them, because my iPad screen started bugging out, with it constantly pressing down on some delete function I couldn't see while I kept exiting out of that page.
yaaaaay
Why does my screen keep doing that? Seriously, it bugs out so often it's not even funny.

[Spehss _]

I am wasting my liiiiiiife.