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[Spehss _]

Welp. Talked to my parents. Talked about how depressed and hopeless I'm feeling. Talked about it in the past about how I feel like none of this is going anywhere, but this talk probably had more impact. Mostly because there were multiple points this time where I found myself yelling into the phone.

Made plans for me to talk with them in person this coming weekend about establishing options. Alternatives to me continuing going to college like I'm doing for the next 3 years. So instead of me pretending everything's fine, I'm hopefully going to be trying to get my life in better shape, then go back to college stuff. Maybe. I don't know.

Really upset my parents though. I hate that. Hate upsetting people because they care about me.

I feel slightly less hopeless now though. Maybe.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Relationship troubles.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I feel like a jerk writing this, I know if she read it she would probably cry and that's the last thing I want cause her to do.
Sometimes I feel like this relationship is a facade just for our convenience, so we don't have to go and be lonely depressed people again. 
She never really seems to want to spend time with me, sometimes even making it seem like a total hasal, and always has some excuse for why she can't hang out. Now it's fine to have an excuse if it's legit but when, on occasion, I find that her excuse isn't valid and ask again she then just says she doesn't want to. I guess she doesn't want to upset me by saying she doesn't like spending time with me.
We used to hang out once or twice a week now I'm lucky if she'll even want to send a day out of the month with me. She barely seems to have an interest in spending time with me but she says she loves me so much more than she can say. How can you love someone and not want to spend time with them?
Sometimes we make plans to do things and she decides last minute that she doesn't want to and bails.

She's so beautiful and sweet but she gives me so many reasons not to care for her but I do. Why can't I just not care about the things wrong with us? Is it too hard to ask for some affection?
She used to get upset with me if I even tryed to check my phone while we were together now she regularly plays games on her's the whole time we hang out or anytime we are together and barely seems to notice me. Sure if I go cold from lack of attention she'll grab my hand and half hang onto it and her phone but then go back to playing with her phone.

She stopped going to my church too, she used to seem like she liked it and was starting to warm up to the other kids in the youth group but then all of a sudden she no longer enjoys going to youth survives on wednsdays and won't give the Sunday survices a try. She goes to the church her uncle goes to. If I try to ask her to at least go to a few services with me she'll just get hostile and mad and tell me I should be happy that she even goes at all. I get so frustrated with her sometimes. Is it so much to want to share the most important aspect of my life with her?

She doesn't want to leave this place either. We talked about where we want to live when we (if) we get married, I gave my two cents of wanting to live in michigan or Hawaii or Tennessee ((each has it's merits I assure you)) then she said she can't live more than an hour drive from this city because she doesn't want to be too far away if anything were to happen with her family (her whole family lives here; cousins, aunts/uncles, grandparents, etc. my relatives are spread far and thin across the states). I don't want to spend anything past college years in this place, I hate it here and I don't much care for the people living here.

We've been arguing about a bunch of little petty things lately too. It's like we don't get along anymore. I used to feel so close to her now I just feel so little... I used to be so affectionate now it seems like she doesn't even want me to put my arm over her shoulder or kiss her cheek. Sometimes I cry because I feel like she doesn't love me anymore. She says god put us together, that we were destined to be with each other. If that's so why do you barely care to spend a few moments with me? Why do I have to plea for your attention or time? Don't you know it hurts to be brushed off by someone you love so much?

I sometimes feel like we don't need to be dating, we should have just been friends. I have been told by a close friend that this probably isn't a relationship I should be in and not to settle. I don't want to hurt her though, she gets so sad so easily. I couldn't stand it if I were the one who made her depressed. I would hate it if I were the one that caused her to cut or worse because of depression. I cry thinking about what would happen if I broke up with her but I just have difficulty seeing this work out into a healthy marriage.

Anybody got advice?

Sorry for the atrocious grammar
I almost didn't post this because I feel like it's just stupid and I should get over it.

[Solifuge]

-snip-

I think you made the right decision, talking to people about it. It's not easy to make your own well-being a priority, especially when nothing feels like it matters, or you feel bad about yourself, or feel like things won't change, or however it's manifesting itself for you. Making it important enough to talk to other people about it is a move in the right direction.

My experience with depression cycles is that it tends to lighten with time, so it's more about weathering and outlasting the worst of the lows until things can matter again. I just think "things will get better soon, and until they do I have to keep going," and try my best to keep putting a foot in front of the other, take care of day to day needs, and do what I can to go on functioning.

But also, I think my depressions almost always have a trigger of sorts, too. Something that was making me upset that I'd learned to ignore with all the conscious parts of my brain, or something in my life that I needed to change but didn't know, or bad lessons that I'd internalized which were at odds with my personal feelings, so on. If something like that's at work, taking time to identify those things, and trying to plan to change them is a good thing too. Maybe you want to be doing something else with school or in your day to day life, but you put it on the back burner, or don't know how to get there. When you're feeling better, maybe give your inner life a look, and try to see if there's something you can change, or can learn how to change. Find a direction first, and then you can find out how to move toward it.

Good luck. It will get better.

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

Anybody got advice?

Spoiler: Kal's advice (click to show/hide)

Well, I was in a fairly similar situation to you, long story short I felt like my girlfriend stopped caring about me... So we broke up, and I feel better. Not great, but I think it's better to be alone then have someone you love break your heart over and over.

First things first, talk to her about it. Be fully honest with her.
Then if things don't get better, well... She probably isn't the right person for you.
If she really does love you, she won't want to hurt you. If she does care, she will try to fix things.

If she doesn't, then why stay? Hurting her is the last thing you want to do, but if she doesn't care for you enough to even look up from her phone... It's probably time you leave her.

Honestly, staying with someone just to make them happy, even though it's hurting you, it isn't worth it. It really isn't. In the long run, it will be better for both of you if you leave her now rather than continuing to hurt yourself for her.

_{Also, she is your first girlfriend... Do you know anyone who got married to their first partner? I sure don't. Heartbreaks happen.}

Also, I'm sorry. I hope you manage to work things out in a way that makes you happy. Or, if not happy, at least better than the way you feel right now.

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

Forgot to mention/ responding to Kal

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

To the last part: yes I actually know a few people who have. It's not too uncommon out here, it's uncommon but not something that doesn't happen.

I also forget to mention that I havnt had time to talk to her about things face to face, alone, yet (as if I ever get the time to talk to her face to face). She'll ask me if I'm ok when we are infront of friends or while we are texting, usually when I'm expressing coldness towards her which seems to be my natural response when it seems like she doesn't care, and I'll either shrug if we are in front of a bunch of people or if it's over text I'll just say I'm ok or I'm fine. We both know it means I'm not bit I'm not going to have this serious of a conversation over texting and she just never wants to talk on the phone either.

I could extend my list of complains.... I'll just add one more for now

I wish she expressed her "I love you more than anything, I couldn't stand losing you, I can't express how much I love you, You mean everything to me, you're my world" ((quotes from her)) more than smiling at me when she's not looking at her phone, holding my hand, talking to me after class, and riding in the car with me to and from school...

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

We both know it means I'm not but I'm not going to have this serious of a conversation over texting and she just never wants to talk on the phone either.

Well, you could text her saying that things aren't working out and that you want to talk about it in person. That should work...

And if you really mean everything to her, what is she doing on her phone around you? I would say your friend is right and it sounds like a relationship you shouldn't be in...
_{(If you want to talk more over PM, just message me. Or I could just shut up...)}

[Solifuge]

She'll ask me if I'm ok when we are infront of friends or while we are texting, usually when I'm expressing coldness towards her which seems to be my natural response when it seems like she doesn't care, and I'll either shrug if we are in front of a bunch of people or if it's over text I'll just say I'm ok or I'm fine. We both know it means I'm not bit I'm not going to have this serious of a conversation over texting and she just never wants to talk on the phone either.

BREEEEEEP. BREEEEEEP. PASSIVE AGGRESSION ALERT.

The solution: when you feel like she doesn't care, explicitly tell her you feel like she doesn't care and why. Don't assume what she knows or feels, and don't hold her accountable for your assumptions about what she knows or feels either. Otherwise, you'll resent her for not treating you the way you want to be treated, when you haven't told her how that is. Which is totally unfair.

Take a step back, and look at the situation. As I understand it, what you're saying is that you feel like she doesn't care and quietly start seeming upset, maybe make little hints that you're upset without saying. She asks you what's wrong, and you say "Nothing's wrong!" while quietly resenting her for not acting differently. She's initiating a conversation to check in with you and expressing concern right there, but you're lying to her. And blaming her for it too.

Even if you have the kindest, gentlest, and best intentions in not just talking to her about it, it's fundamentally dishonest, and passive-aggressive. It's poor treatment of her to expect things without letting her know your expectations, and it's a poor way to treat yourself to bottle up your misgivings and feelings. Bad all around.

I say this as someone who has unknowingly been a passive aggressive buttmunch in relationships. If there's one thing I've learned through past relationships, it's the importance of honesty and emotional openness. It goes for romantic partners, family, friends, and anyone I want to feel good being around. Getting in touch with what I actually want and how I feel has also been instrumental in finding happiness, and finding things to do with my life, in general.

TL;DR - Stop talking to us about it, and start talking to her. Have a real, respectful conversation with her about the relationship, and try to express what you're feeling. Give her a chance to respond, and hear her out too. If you both want to work on it, that's great. If you want something she doesn't, or vice versa, you can go your separate ways, and that's great too. Being honest may not always be comfortable, and may not even be pleasant... but it always ends for the best, in it's own way. How things really are is the best way they can possibly be, yeah?

EDIT: You don't need to have the conversation then and there, if it's a bad time. But don't put it off indefinitely just because it was a bad time just then. >_o

[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

I don't yell at her that nothing's wrong.
She does the same thing to me as well ((kinda the reason I do it, because she does it too and thinks it a perfectly acceptable way to avoid confrontation about it))
The difference between us is I'll keep asking her what's wrong till she tells me or says it's something extremely personal, where as she asks once, I tell her, and she says "ok" and leaves it alone.

I'm not planning in leaving this alone and not saying anything, I just don't know what to say,"hey I hate where this relationship is going"?
She knows she does things that upset me too, not all of this is assumption, she has openly appologiesed for her anger problems ((still not an excuse to go off on me when she does)) among other things.

Sorry for being a dick I guess.


E: Sorry, I'm upset and tired... I would talk to her about it if she ever have me a chance to.

[Trapezohedron]

The fact that people believe they are in a narrative centering around them, in which they're the protagonist. This is perfectly normal, but the fact people demean people they do not know due to being an "extra" to their story and denying them rights to be the real persons they are, each with their own story to tell.

[Solifuge]

-snip-
Sorry for being a dick I guess.


E: Sorry, I'm upset and tired... I would talk to her about it if she ever have me a chance to.

Eh? You're fine by me. Just speaking to possibly similar situations I've been in, and what's changed to make those better for me. Though I will say, it's bad form to recognize someone else's behavior as bad, and then use that as an excuse for behaving similarly. That's kinda hypocritical. But you're still okay. :I

I can't say what you should say to her about things. Just that you should maybe do a think about what you want in a relationship, and then find a good time to talk with her in an emotionally honest and direct way. Maybe focus on what you want in an ideal relationship, then about ways that isn't happening in your relationship in particular? You can ask her similar questions about what she wants out of a relationship too, and decide if you're both willing to work at it or not.

You're going to be the one who has to approach her about this though; it might be easier, but it's not her job to initiate that conversation for you. Also, you probably shouldn't stay in a situation that she's unwilling to fix, but if you're open and direct about what you want to be different, you're seeing if she's willing to or not, right? It's not an unfair demand you're making or something; you just deserve to get whatever you feel is important out of a relationship, so long as it's respectful and fair to ask of someone else. The whole goal of dating someone is to find someone who can do that for you, while you provide whatever they want in return, yeah?

Good luck with it, and I hope things work out for the best.

[Orange Wizard]

Made an orange cake.

It's overcooked.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Made an orange cake.

It's overcooked.

FILTHY CANNIBAL SCUM

[Orange Wizard]

I only put a couple in there. Plus, oranges taste good.

[BlitzDungeoneer]

Made an orange cake.

It's overcooked.

FILTHY CANNIBAL SCUM

[Tiruin]

She's not that bad, though.

She kinda is.

Kinda her attitude, more like.
That's what we're describing, Caroline :/ The attitude. You seem to be describing burnout there. Probably a good idea to ask others to help you with that.
Burnout isn't nice and has long-term effects, given all that reinforcement and repetition.

-snip worry-
I am in such a massive moral pinch. Things like these generally end up as "not my job" until I can be successfully blamed for them.

Err, I don't think that the event of reporting the incident directly = 'massive blow to staff you like' ._.
Unless that's a 100% chance of...somehow happening if you report it? If its for the person's well-being, and given that you're in a position to do something, in the least inquire advice from one of your superiors present there if in a conundrum, maybe?

Sad: Net = D: (as with many other things at the moment)