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[MaximumZero]

Oh man I can sympathise there Spehss. There's a few people I would very much like to avoid but also to have a srsbsns conversation with, and the reasons have huge overlap.

That sounds like me with my ex wife. I'd love nothing more than to tear her in half, but every time I'm set to confront her, I freeze up. I don't do verbal conflict well, and physical conflict wouldn't help in this situation.

[Tack]

Aww, I missed how the thingy ended.
Methinks poorly.

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

Great... I was asked to meet with a church leader today. (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints)
So I went to his office, and he started talking about how I should believe the church is true because the church is true, and he started making fun of another religion. So I pointed out that his church does almost the same thing, but you know... Religions.
So he yelled at me for doubting that his religion was completely correct.

And then he started telling me I didn't have any problems because... Well, who knows, his reasoning made no sense. I pointed out that his reasons made no sense, and he just kind of told me to give up because everything was hopeless.

Then he started yelling at me for going on a date with my trans friend (even though that happened almost a year ago now), and then told me that it was okay because we only dated as friends? And then I pointed out that we almost had an actual relationship but then I started dating my current girlfriend, and he started ranting about how my moral compass was horribly broken and I should never ever care about anyone but straight girls and I was a terrible person for not being a "normal boy"

Argh, I always thought of him as a nice old man before this...

[Tiruin]

[...]

._.
The rigidity of gender is a horrible and appalling prison to the mind.
Forgive those who may not seem to grasp the holistic ideology of it...as its a lack of understanding others, is what is happening there for them.

Though its not that much to say he's not really and fully a nice person though. In part, he may not be, but in part, he also may be.
...But that bit on 'normal {x}' is skewed in itself (for me, anyway). Normal...is based on commonality, and commonality is perceived on how far you can see {the scope of} things. >_<

[hops]

I think I'm either an unsympathetic douche or I'm experiencing one of these 'Compassion fatigue'.

The worst part is that I'm not actually even sad about it. It's like my ability to feel sorry for someone else and myself just got completely exhausted.

[Xantalos]

Man, I really should've actually been studying for this test instead of fucking around on the internet. I know from extensive experience in the subject that when I do manage to study at least a little that I do a bit better on tests, so I really should. I also know that if/when I do badly on it, I'm gonna feel really shitty for quite a while concerning my academic competence and such, as I've gone through this exact same fucking cycle before. And yet I didn't do anything this time either. I never study or put in any effort to this stuff and it's seriously detrimental not only to my academic record and stuff but also my self-esteem. So why don't I ever do anything about it? Just because the stuff I always end up looking at is more interesting can't be a good answer that'd be accepted by anyone, and yet that's the only reason I can really think of.
Do I even want to do school right now? It'd obviously a waste of money if I keep on paying for courses and then losing interest 3 weeks in like this, but what the hell else can I do with my life?
Ugh. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I'm unmoored, no real investment in anything or anybody (aside from familial connections) aside from my karate, which is honestly the only thing keeping me from just laying in bed all day because it's definitive proof that I have the capacity to do tough shit if I put my mind to it.
I think I need to figure out how to commit to shit before I move on with actually doing life shit. Also how to start conversations with people, and express my emotions in meatspace, and a whole other host of issues I have with communicating and expressing myself.
I'm honestly probably overexagerating some of the above problems and I'll feel marginally better about them in the morning. Or I'll be too busy doing things to remember how sad I should probably be feeling. Funny, I've been asked by my mom if I'm depressed or bipolar or somesuch, but I don't really think I am, it's just that school or other topics related to personal responsibility stress me out and make my mood swing faster than a pregnant lady. I know this for a face because I've lived with multiple pregnant women over the years and they were all calmer than I was when it concerned responsibility and stuff. I don't even know why, I've proved I'm at least mildly competent with all I've done, but the prospect of responsibility being placed on my shoulders fills me with simultaneous trepidation and resignation. Fear of failure, I suppose, probably from being yelled at so much whenever I fucked up in the slightest when I was younger or something.

And now I feel somewhat normal and it took me about two minutes to write this. See what I mean about my mood swinging like the world's fastest metronome?
Also damn that's meandering as balls.

[hops]

Can't you get someone to nag you?

[Xantalos]

It doesn't really do anything but make me feel really guilty and then I distact myself with how guilty I'm feeling and get into a guilt party with myself instead of studying.
The conclusion I've come to is that if I don't want to study something it's nigh impossible to make me do it, even if I really should.

[Tack]

Studying in groups helps for me. Cannot study alone, I'm far too distracting.

[WillowLuman]

So long, sleep cycle.

[Tiruin]

It doesn't really do anything but make me feel really guilty and then I distact myself with how guilty I'm feeling and get into a guilt party with myself instead of studying.
The conclusion I've come to is that if I don't want to study something it's nigh impossible to make me do it, even if I really should.

How's about nagging yourself instead of rationalizing all this out
From where I see it, its a reeaaaaaaally big tad bit of intellectualization there, but that's my opinion based on personal reflection here is all. I've been wondering why intellectualization is a defense mechanism until I grasped the context of why it is listed that way.

And now I feel somewhat normal and it took me about two minutes to write this. See what I mean about my mood swinging like the world's fastest metronome?

Nah, that's normal. It's something happening to me lately these months, so when it happens I just open up a notepad++ and begin worldbuilding.

...And my words are messy. Please excuse jumping tangents of thought here.

[miauw62]

I think I'm getting sick. My ears hurt and my throat feels sore.
There's a class trip this weekend D:

[Iceblaster]

Great... I was asked to meet with a church leader today. (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints)
So I went to his office, and he started talking about how I should believe the church is true because the church is true, and he started making fun of another religion. So I pointed out that his church does almost the same thing, but you know... Religions.
So he yelled at me for doubting that his religion was completely correct.

And then he started telling me I didn't have any problems because... Well, who knows, his reasoning made no sense. I pointed out that his reasons made no sense, and he just kind of told me to give up because everything was hopeless.

Then he started yelling at me for going on a date with my trans friend (even though that happened almost a year ago now), and then told me that it was okay because we only dated as friends? And then I pointed out that we almost had an actual relationship but then I started dating my current girlfriend, and he started ranting about how my moral compass was horribly broken and I should never ever care about anyone but straight girls and I was a terrible person for not being a "normal boy"

Argh, I always thought of him as a nice old man before this...

Preachers are always hard to change opinions with, at least on the whole religion thing.

Though, I have no idea how the LDS church/Mormonism works, leader wise, sooo... I have no ideas on how to talk to them about religion. Tbh, I'd suggest going not on a defensive, but if you do have a chance to ask a question, try to pose it in a secular/neutral/whatever point of view instead of your own. Of course, it could be your own, but that is how I pose questions to my preacher if given the chance. Unsure of if that'll be the same for you.

Regardless, have a cute thing. Probably not sad anymore, but meh.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

oh god why does it always suck to wake up and not have enough sleep :c

[Arx]

Great... I was asked to meet with a church leader today. (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints)
So I went to his office, and he started talking about how I should believe the church is true because the church is true, and he started making fun of another religion. So I pointed out that his church does almost the same thing, but you know... Religions.
So he yelled at me for doubting that his religion was completely correct.

And then he started telling me I didn't have any problems because... Well, who knows, his reasoning made no sense. I pointed out that his reasons made no sense, and he just kind of told me to give up because everything was hopeless.

Then he started yelling at me for going on a date with my trans friend (even though that happened almost a year ago now), and then told me that it was okay because we only dated as friends? And then I pointed out that we almost had an actual relationship but then I started dating my current girlfriend, and he started ranting about how my moral compass was horribly broken and I should never ever care about anyone but straight girls and I was a terrible person for not being a "normal boy"

Argh, I always thought of him as a nice old man before this...

The church should not allow bigots to assume pastoral positions. It is in no way good.

I think I'm getting sick. My ears hurt and my throat feels sore.
There's a class trip this weekend D:

Nearly everyone I know caught a cold of one kind or another in the last week or two. I know your pain.


Sad of my own: I'm effectively tutoring two people for free. I don't even like teaching.

[Tack]

(Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints)

Explains everything.
(Actually doesn't, but I always enjoy making fun of Mormons.)