But you don't need to do this just because they want you to.
Yeah, instead I could not go on the mission, be disowned by my entire family because they are all very religious (including my extended family.) and get my girlfriend mad at me. And she is definitely going on a mission at the same time I would be, so it might just destroy our relationship entirely.
And then what?
Have you brought up with your family that you might not want to go on the mission, to gauge their reactions? I know that it's a requirement of the church, but it's possible they've been under the false assumption that you want to do it. And if you're afraid of their reprisals, I still recommend going to speak with one of the church officials about it, as mastahcheese suggested. There's no law stating that you must go.
If you don't care about spreading LDS, the mission will not make you happy. But if you stay, you might be able to work things out with your family and friends.
But you don't need to do this just because they want you to.
Yeah, instead I could not go on the mission, be disowned by my entire family because they are all very religious (including my extended family.) and get my girlfriend mad at me. And she is definitely going on a mission at the same time I would be, so it might just destroy our relationship entirely.
And then what?
Be honest to everybody. Say what is on your mind. You are holding it in brewing this. If you tell people what you want they will listen. And if both your girlfriend and family disown you because of who you are, then... They don't deserve to have you in their family if they'll treat you like that.
Be strong kia kaha.
Stand up to these people
If you let them rule your life of course you are going to think about suicide.
And remeber that you are in a very hormonal time and it gets easier
+1 to all of this
Your emotions will be a bit less tumultuous if you stick around just a bit longer. And, though you may love them and not want to create disharmony with them, these people have no right to dictate who you are or must be. And not conforming to their demands of who you should be does not invalidate your right to exist.
If they love you, you will be able to work things out.
I can't sleep, and I can't get out of bed, either— seeing as it's midnight where I am and I would get scolded for being up at this hour. I'm just sitting in the dark thinking about life. To be painfully honest, there's not much to think about. 6-7 years of bullying, half a year of heartbreak, and whatever's left is either sitting in bed thinking about life, debating whether I should end it or not, and some random shit I can't name off the top of my head.
For the past hour, I've been fussing over what to type. I've primarily typed about if "anyone would notice and/or care if I was gone", but I doubt this thread needs yet another suicide contemplation.
It's better to speak up about it and find that people do care than to remain silent, though. I only know a little about you but it's enough to know that the world is better for having you in it.