So, ADHD sucks
Had it pretty severely when I was younger, as did my younger brother (my family has a history of various autistic and neurological disorders). We were both prescribed adderall to treat it in gradeschool, and have been continually prescribed it ever since. I can honestly say that it helped. A lot. Not on its own (because I often procrastinated even with it), but it did sort of bring me to a level where I could learn to force myself to do the dull things that needed to be done. And even without it, I've always been good at schoolwork when I actually did it. And there were also emotional problems at school that I associated schoolwork with, but I learned how to deal with those about midway through middleschool. I should note that I've never been addicted to the pills, since I often forget to take them without some kind of reminder, but for much of that that time I was noticeably less focused when not on them.
I finished highschool with extremely strong grades (helped by taking subjects that I was genuinely interested in) and upon arrival in college decided "I'm an adult now, I want to stop relying on crutches." So I started toughing it out through lectures and readings, saving the pills only for days where absolute focus was needed (midterms, finals, longer papers, etc). And I did very well on that system. I even made it through the final quarter of Freshman year while completely out, with great grades even.
This success emboldened me to continue not taking my pills into the first quarter of Sophomore year, despite my (new) physician giving me a few tests and concluding that I should keep taking them (giving my prescription its overdue refill). And I found it harder to make myself get anything done than at any point in my life before. For one, I've had more things to balance than ever before (not just schoolwork, but staying on top of my bills, housework, and looking for employment). I still did reasonably well, but my grades took a substantial hit.
Now begins the 2nd quarter, and I decided to start taking my prescribed medication again. I've got pretty much the same number of plates to keep spinning as last quarter, so I want to compare the results of med-free me to medicated me in roughly the same situation. Unfortunately, missing a dose for 6 months means my immunity built up over my lifetime has plummeted, and this dose was prescribed with said immunity in mind. So I've been having some weird, slightly scary sensations all day. I'll talk to my doctor about getting a lower dose.
Anyways, I don't want to be dependent on it my whole life to not be lazy/unable to focus, but for the time being I do need help to stay on top of things (which a personal connection might help with but I'm away from home and my roommates are wrapped up in their own things). There was a time in my childhood when I genuinely needed it (in conjunction with other things, such as having people I could rely on to prod/remind me!) to function in class. Last year shows I can perform well when using it sparingly (still with massive amounts of procrastination) or even without it. Both my folks and my doctor are recommending I keep using it.