Lovely. My emotionally abusive mother has told me that a funeral is no excuse to let any weakness show. She stated that they happen every day and that you have to move on. Keep in mind that the funeral was this morning. It has not been 6 hours yet....
I very briefly and slightly lashed back at her a bit by saying, "Mooommmm...." in a low rising tone that ended in an exclamation point that basically should've communicated to anybody, "really, you don't comprehend this is not ok?"
She mockingly repeated me and[...] I told her she needed to stop. I just walked away from her ranting after that. Something or other about "grow up!" No matter your age, the death of friends and funerals will lead to sadness. At some point, every culture on earth recognizes the right to grieve, and it seems this is unacceptable to her.... Her actions are unacceptable bullshit, but she is in such stupid denial that there is no point in talking to her about it. I'm just going to try and not let it bother me....
What matters is the truth--and what she beliefs is her own subjective truth. If she attributes weakness to crying? Let her...and probably help her out of it when and if she is willing...as these things stem from beliefs. Most people who are abusive have experienced deep abuse themselves, and project it out to others due to lacking support at their time (in most cases).
What is objectively true is that it is ok to cry. Crying =/= weakness, and when you actually think of it, there is no weakness at all when mourning someone who has died. She has a skewed version of reality--where people who have grown up don't 'succumb to such ideas', when in truth she hasn't grown up herself and matured with her emotions.
Don't let it bother you. Be yourself, and cry--keep acting as yourself in that context, as they can't change you. Just influence you.
While a person has free will, choice, and thought in regard to these, it is their beliefs that act as controls and cyclic mechanisms with their choices. Best way as far as I know currently is to keep on being yourself, and reinforce what right is there (which...we can all see
is right). Others will see that--and regardless of how many around you don't, there are those that do, and aspire due to your actions.
It's saddening that your mother hasn't let go and grown though.
Probably get her help?
I could assume this would be a matter of misunderstanding but the later parts...
So, today I tried to be cheerful and hope for the future to be better... I failed.
I tried to be happy or excited about anything... I failed at that too. 
I haven't even has a positive emotion for at least five months, and that was just feeling safe and wanted. What even is happiness?
Mostly I just feel gloomy.
And I can't even eat. I get nauseated at the thought of food, and I can only eat when my hunger gets bigger then my sick feeling. And then I just eat a meal in less than a minute, then spend an hour feeling like vomiting.
You failed. So what? Doesn't mean that you can't try again
I'm poking rather at the matter of failure in this wording seemingly meaning 'it won't work', instead of 'slight error in the process which can be overcome'. Failure happens. Don't let it stop you from trying good things like you mentioned here.
Try to meet up with people oriented and with experience in these kinds of concepts to help assess yourself and what's going on around you (and basically be with + people, because that helps quite passively and actively a lot).
Though...I really doubt it is quite that depressing there and that there isn't anyone available in your locality to aid ya
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9774260 times)