Sad and I don't know why.
I wish I did.
It'd make fixing it much easier.
But nope, all I have to think about it how I haven't done much at all to be useful to anyone except what I'm told and that my parents expect more from me, being the oldest or some shit. I don't even know if it's because I'm the oldest or because I did fucking well in grade school and then the success tapered off when I got into Middle School. Of course, I'm probably just being an overemotional teenager and nothing new, but goddamnit that feeling of not knowing what the fuck I'm sad about off the top of my fucking head past being stressed otu from the aforementioned stuff or the whole thing that I'm probably going to fail ninth grade and that it's overall going to be a very depressing summer as I try to catch up or something and I get bitched at by my parents for not 'using your brain' or 'not doing your best' and honestly, considering the material, I am doing my fucking best and regardless of how I go about it, I can't help but fuckign feel bad that I am in fact, not doing my best.
I then sit at my computer, looking at all the fucking shit I've started to try and distract myself from being sad and depressed, IE my writing projects or that Fallout thing in my signature that I haven't update since fuck ever and tell myself that it's going fucking nowhere.
I just fucking hate having too much time and not enough things to do, leading to this fucking word dump.