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[Knit tie]

Personally, I find apathy sort of comforting. Which goes to show how shitty my school experiences were. It was just easier to suppress emotion than go through the motions of getting help from the teachers. I can understand why you'd never want to be apathetic though, but sometimes, anger is so much worse.

It... K, let me just say the medicinally induced apathy is an entirely different sort of beast than just about anything you can do voluntarily. So far as I've experienced, it is easily one of the most horrific things you can experience. It is not good juju. There's not much juju in this world that's worse.

I would take kidney stone pain over drug apathy, and I would honestly gouge my own eyes out and slit my throat to avoid the former over a long period. I would take -- did take -- depression so extreme it was inducing psychotic hallucinations, over drug apathy. I will take just about any damn thing, up to and including death, over drug induced blanket emotional suppression. Stopping yourself from feeling is a very, very different thing from not being able to feel. And the latter is just... it's bad. It's bloody horrific. It's not something you want to experience. Ever.

When I was younger and completely crazy, I got to take some pretty extreme drugs to help keep me docile. It felt much better than the mixture of OCD, paranoia and sociopathy I was having without the pills.

[Vector]

Let's all join together and play the Atoning For Having Been a Bigot Game, yay

.-.

May I come to look at the person I am now with the same blend of exasperation, irritation, and concern I apply to the self of about two years ago.

[Knit tie]

Let's all join together and play the Atoning For Having Been a Bigot Game, yay

.-.

May I come to look at the person I am now with the same blend of exasperation, irritation, and concern I apply to the self of about two years ago.

Oh, I definitely will. I hate my past self. I hate him so much that if I flayed myself and tatooed the word "hate" on every micrometer of every strand of my exposed muscle, it would not convey one millionth of the hate I feel for myself from three years ago. I sometimes fantasize about going back in time and crushing every single joint in the earlier me's body with a hammer and then drenching the fucker in gasoline and watching him burn. Or instead just tearing his eyes out and filling the empty sockets with fire ants. Or cutting him open, showing a bunch of rats in his stomach and sewing them shut in there so the rodents would gnaw through his-my flesh in desperation. Or breaking his jaw and forsing him to beg for mercy while I pretend I can't hear him and lock him inside a small metal box and slowly fill it with hydrofluoric acid. Or tearing his fingernails off with tweezers. Or just beating the absolute living shit out of him until I break the bones in my arms.

I don't really like the person I was until quite recently, you see.

[Bauglir]

Past Bauglir was a dick. Present Bauglir is merely selfish and lazy, which is a heck of an improvement! I'm like 80% 50% somewhat less of a creep now.

[kaijyuu]

Past me had problems but he did his best and became the wonderful adonis you see today.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I'd be breaking forum guidelines if I insulted my past self, so I'm afraid I can't contribute here.

[MaximumZero]

I'd be breaking forum guidelines if I insulted my past self, so I'm afraid I can't contribute here.

I wouldn't take it personally, man.

[Erils]

I'd be breaking forum guidelines if I insulted my past self, so I'm afraid I can't contribute here.

Insult your future self instead.

[MaximumZero]

Sad: A couple of people I know want me to cosplay with them at some of the comic/game/nerd conventions. I'll never have the money to make the outfit, but I'd be perfect for a particular character. Cosplay, Y U SO EXPENSIVE!?

[Knit tie]

Past me was also absolutely off his rocker, in addition to an asshole. I still have bouts of craziness now, like that time I put a live fish in a mulching machine and giggled all day about it.

[GlyphGryph]

Sad: A couple of people I know want me to cosplay with them at some of the comic/game/nerd conventions. I'll never have the money to make the outfit, but I'd be perfect for a particular character. Cosplay, Y U SO EXPENSIVE!?

You can... actually cosplay pretty damn cheaply. I've cosplayed at a good chunk of the conventions I've gone to, and I've never paid more for the costume than I did for the ticket, and usually my entire group of three manages to get costumed up for less than 60 bucks.

$25 is probably the maximum I'd ever spend on a costume, but I've never run across a situation where that isn't enough money to make a kick-ass costume.

Who would you go as? I could at least suggest an affordable plan for pulling it off.

[Foamybeard]

I would take kidney stone pain over drug apathy, and I would honestly gouge my own eyes out and slit my throat to avoid the former over a long period. I would take -- did take -- depression so extreme it was inducing psychotic hallucinations, over drug apathy. I will take just about any damn thing, up to and including death, over drug induced blanket emotional suppression. Stopping yourself from feeling is a very, very different thing from not being able to feel. And the latter is just... it's bad. It's bloody horrific. It's not something you want to experience. Ever.

Agreed. When I was in the mental hospital from when I was 12-14, my mother had me on some kind of drug that... Well, made me unable to feel anything. Happy, sad, angry... Didn't mater, I couldn't feel it. Just a fucking vegetable with only a shadow of a personality.

I've -never- forgiven her for doing that to me. I honestly think that she destroyed a bit of who I was so that I would be 'easier to manage'. Sure, lets drug the Autistic kid so that he's nice and compliant. Who gives a shit if he's a human being? As long as the parent isn't being argued with, who cares if the medicine utterly shuts down the child's personality?


I hate past me because past me had to have been mentally challenged. Seriously.

[scriver]

Past me was more social, better looking, more caring, more thoughtful, better read, smarter, more motivated, and more experienced.

I hate present me.

[Knit tie]

It is scientifically impossible, save as a consequence of a head trauma, to grow less experienced, less well read and stupider. You are just deluding yourself, scriver.

[kaijyuu]

Future me is more social, better looking, more caring, more thoughtful, better read, smarter, more motivated, and more experienced.

I'm too hard on present me.

Fix'd in two places.