I just spent two hours sitting in a derping position... it's sort of like a foetal position but instead of curling up into a ball, lie on your knees with your forehead planted against the floor and your arms doing whatever.
Pnx... Are you okay? This has me worried like nothing else. Can you take some time this weekend to get away from whatever's consuming you?
I've been having a really bad spring break... it's a mixture of stressing out about homework stuff, looking into potential new colleges and stressing out about them (they can get so expensive, and do I know this is going to be the right one to go for?), and the fact that it's my birthday tomorrow.
The birthday thing has been kind of a stressful reminder of the passage of time, how much of it I've wasted in my life, and has brought forward a bunch of stuff I really don't want to think about. I keep thinking about how I'll be 23, and I've been doing it so much I caught myself jumping forward a year, and then getting muddled up and thinking I'd be 24...
Also my parents have this habit of making my birthdays rather miserable by taking me out to celebrate in ways I really don't want to celebrate... Which is more or less the story of my life come to think of it.
I've also... been thinking about some relationship stuff... One of the colleges I wanted to go to is in the general area of someone I used to have feelings for, but who absolutely hates my guts out these days... and I kept panicking about it and running through various scenarios and conversations in my head trying to figure out how I'd deal with a confrontation with them. Something I wish I really wouldn't do, but not doing it would require me to be a functional normal human being, and no chance of that right?
I've thought about going to see a therapist about this stuff, but I'm not sure it's really going to help me at all... I've also thought about maybe it's time I tried giving medications another shot? My previous experiences trying medicinal therapy were awful, but sometimes this anxiety stuff is seriously horrific. I'm also pretty reluctant to try it because... well I really hate the idea of things screwing with my head like that...
Yugh.