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[Tiruin]

So, we had a conversation about my having been raped (last time my parents just said nothing), and this time they asked me what I was wearing and so on.

I..I guess talking to them and getting the idea out on common ground would do good.

Oh goodness I don't know how to word it right but I mean..erm, I mean that it seems like there are different viewpoints there regarding that matter and...
Hopefully you get the idea I try to say here. >.>;

[Xantalos]

NOTE: trigger warning for rape things

It was "if I had been making out with him, then his pushing my hips down repeatedly when I tried to move, and ignoring my sounds of pain when he then stuck his finger in should not be seen as rape."

you can't blame young men for getting "too enthusiastic"

i mean i was naked right

That viewpoint (theirs, just to be clear) makes no sense.
At all.

[hector13]

Words cannot describe how ridiculous their point of view is.

[Tiruin]

The only idea I can see behind it is that they hold the instance of that kind of situation connected to what they're asking.

...
Which means they've an unspoken idea behind why they're asking it that made sense to them, but they ask a...branch of that idea instead of the whole thing.

[kaijyuu]

I guess if you got in a car accident and it was obviously the other person's fault, they'd still drill you on whether you did proper defensive driving?

Obviously the difference here is rape victims shouldn't be expected to be in paranoid defensive mode like one should while driving, but I suspect they wouldn't understand that and would see the situations as analogous.

[Vector]

I guess if you got in a car accident and it was obviously the other person's fault, they'd still drill you on whether you did proper defensive driving?

Yeah, they would.  My mom literally compared it to when she was in a car going 110 on the freeway and she egged them on a little (where "making out with beforehand" would be the egging on).

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Please stop talking to them, Vec. It isn't going to do any good.

[Dutchling]

It makes one wonder if they even know they're your parents :/

[Vector]

Intellectuals question everything, apparently.

Anyway, since the most important matter of the day was finding out if I was making a mountain out of a molehill or not, we seem to have determined that they'll-say-I-was-raped-maybe-but-really-I-was-groped-and-I-was-also-naked-and-had-kissed-him.  They didn't ask me how I feel or if I'm okay.  The most they said was "I'm sorry being groped was part of your life experiences."

And, because he said "I thought you were trying to guide me!" later when I brought up not being comfortable with what had happened--and how I'd tried to pull his hand somewhere else--they decided it was an honest mistake.

Just for everyone's information, I'm not litigating.  I didn't tell anyone's friends, or intimate it, or do anything that could possibly hurt his reputation or ruin his life.  I know he's having a very good time right now with the friends that used to be mine as well.  So it kind of doesn't matter.  They could just believe me and comfort me, even if he had nothing but the best of intentions.

[misko27]

Pseudo-intellectuals question everything but their logic. And apparently tact and social skills.

[hector13]

There are times for questioning things, and times to just shut up and listen.

Your parents seem a bit useless though, Vector. You've been through a really hard time and all you need from them is a little bit of understanding, though they aren't seeings things from your side. You can try to make it clear to them how you feel about what's happened and that you need their support, but you might want to look elsewhere. I know it's not really anywhere near the same as getting it from your peeps, but they've shown themselves to be a bit lacking in the emotional intelligence stakes. Are there any friends you can talk to about it? It might be easier than trying to deal with it on your own.

Also, and feel free to tell me to fuck right off, but is there any particular reason you're not going to the authorities about this?

[Tack]

I'll be honest, when I saw 'rape' I was thinking of the extreme end of that very broad definition.

But I feel for you. Most rape happens because of overzealous lovers, and that loss of trust can be even more harsh emotionally than a stranger in a ski mask
That being said, I'm close with a couple of people who really, really wish that they'd 'just' been molested.

[Vector]

Also, and feel free to tell me to fuck right off, but is there any particular reason you're not going to the authorities about this?

No physical evidence, I already explicitly told him I hadn't withdrawn my consent because he was emotionally abusing me and I didn't want a shitshow, and I don't want any more stigma than I've got.

Oh, and it's really hard to get a conviction when you're on your second abusive boyfriend.  And my university is already in hot water for trying to get sexual assault victims to quietly forget about their stories.

I cried when I went to the bathroom the next day.  I felt unsafe, and like my insides and outsides had somehow been confused.  My body hurt.  It hurt a lot.

I've had overzealous lovers.  They apologized when they realized they'd gotten the wrong idea, and we went on from there.  He didn't apologize when I brought it up.  He blamed me for being hurt and didn't say he was sorry about that at all.  That was the first time we'd done anything like that.  It was after I'd had my hips pushed down at least four times that he did that.  He had plenty of time to figure out what was going on, and ask me how I was doing.

[Knit tie]

I honestly have no words. Only emotions, as my mom says.

Is there any way I can help you, Vector? Anything? If you want to talk to someone about it, I know a good psychologist. Do you need money? Asylum? Fake passports and identities? I can even come over to wherever you are and tell your parents exactly what they are doing wrong.

And who cares about all the technicalities? It's not about the way he did it, it's the damage he inflicted! And what the hell kind of evidence do you need to prove rape? It's not murder or robbery, you can't point out what's missing, because he didn't take any material stuff, he took away a piece of your soul!

God, now I am remembering my sad stuff.

I am sorry.

[MaximumZero]

To paraphrase Knit tie, above: I honestly have no words. Only burning rage for the wrongs you've suffered. There are no words strong enough for your parents, and no punches hard enough for the ex.