I'm not sure if I should really go through with the 'going back to school in order to actually get out and socialize with real people instead of people that are exclusively online' plan, even going in to talk to the registration office, just being in the atmosphere of a school made me feel extremely antagonized, and I'm still not sure what sort of study to even pursue.
I'm still upset at myself for spending so much money recently on stupid, stupid, stupid fucking stuff. How do I know this wouldn't just be another waste of money, and even more so a waste of my esteem if my plan to actually make outside people friends just backfires in my face? I'm just not sure.
Here's the deal about going back to school: it seems like a huge waste of money and time on its face. The cost appears prohibitively high. However, if you can do it without getting overwhelmed by debt, it's one if the most valuable investments you can make. Gain skills, get certified in said skills, profit. Do it the right way, and don't half ass your way into something worthless, though. Pick a field that is interesting and pays well, and go grab your future.
^This. You're talking of college I assume, yes? There's no crime in waiting a semester/year either, if you're really unsure about it. Better to get yourself in a good headspace so you can make a proper go of things study-wise rather than fumble around lost wasting a year's worth of classes. Also, if meeting people is a major/main motivation, most student organizations (theater groups, hobbyists, weekend upside-down jousting enthusiasts, etc.) won't care too much if you're not actually a student.
Yes, I mean college.
I suppose I should elaborate in that I felt very antagonized, cause even when I was growing up and going to school, I've always been isolated, a loner, just by myself, not getting along with others, unpopular, and it's stuck with me so much going into adulthood. I hate myself, that I'm still dwelling dwelling dwelling on shit that happened in High School years and years ago.
But I guess it's always been that way, from kindergarten, to Elementary School, From Middle to High school, then finally my pointless adulthood, I've always been just by myself. In every strata of my life, from the inner reaches of my mind, to my most public endeavors, I really don't have any social activity to show for it.
And god knows I don't want to repeat my mistakes with a new school. Not when it finally feels I have a little bit of a grip on my life. Not when it will cost me who knows how much money in tuition, in gas, in whatever other supplies are demanded of me. I don't want to venture out to start life anew, only to find that I'm just adding a further number of pathetic and sad memories to the already large repertoire in my existing depressed life.
Alot of days I feel that just killing myself and hoping that reincarnation is real would be the better plan than actually going out and trying to negotiate fruitlessly with the society that made me this way. Don't interpret that as intent, I'm not that desperate just yet. Though it really does feel that I'm just waiting for something really powerful to push me over the edge, alot of these days.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9767255 times)