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[Vector]

In all sincerity, I don't want to feel anything anymore--and I can't see, at the moment, why precisely I'm bothering to be alive.

Whatever.  If you're reading this and I've hurt your feelings in the past, feel vindicated.

[Descan]

Have you tried not being straight? :3

I can attest that it's really not that bad.

I'm... I'm not sure if my eyebrows should be wiggling here or not.

* Descan wiggles them hesitantly?

[Descan]

In all sincerity, I don't want to feel anything anymore--and I can't see, at the moment, why precisely I'm bothering to be alive.

Whatever.  If you're reading this and I've hurt your feelings in the past, feel vindicated.

Being alive is the default state, it's changing that status that takes effort and bother. S'why anti-depressant can cause suicidal feelings.

Seriously though, Vector, we love you. Platonically. Or not. I don't know. Are we your harem?

I AM BEING STUPID IGNORE ME I AM TERRIBLE AT THIS BLUH

[Vector]

The sad thing, frankly, is that I really don't care.

[LordSlowpoke]

Vector, we're here for you.

[Vector]

I'm fine.  I just need an evening to cry the last month or so out.  It's been really awful.

Haven't posted about things here because I don't want to risk most of it becoming public knowledge, but...

[Bauglir]

That's okay. I mean, whatever you're comfortable with - it is you that has the problem in this case. So, if telling details doesn't feel like it's going to help, just talking about how you feel is, maybe, good. And if talking to somebody about the details is what you need, I'm sure there are plenty of people who could give a listen over PM, if there's anyone you feel like you can trust. And if there aren't people you feel you can trust, or you need something more than emotional support and somebody to talk to (i.e. advice), well. I dunno. Further scenarios are beyond my abilities to figure out >_______>

Also I think it's important to say, maybe, that it's okay if you can't figure out a real reason for living. It's often hard to figure out what the point of a story was when you're less than a third of the way through it.

EDIT: And you're writing the story, so you can still make a lot of decisions about what the point is. But on a typewriter.

[Skyrunner]

Oh the stress.

I have to do so many things, but I lack either the time to do them at my pace, or the willpower to forcibly do them and suffer the outstanding stress. ._.

[Vector]

No, I usually know quite clearly exactly why I'm alive.  It's just that I haven't been able to tend to it lately due to situations at work wiping me out, so my ability to imagine it is getting foggy, and things are probably about to get even worse because someone just quit in our little company.  So job security -> excellent, which makes me very happy, but job pressure -> steep increase.

And I'm really lonely, and it's the guy I was in the same room with who's quit now--so I'll be even more alone.

I don't know what to say, really.

[Bauglir]

Oh. Stress and loneliness. Yeah, that'll do it. Those're things that I'm not sure there's really much to say about - they seem more like an ineffable aspect of being over parts of a life than they do problems that can be solved through reasoning, emotional support, or anything like that. Just brute endurance. Doesn't feel good, doesn't translate well into communication. May there be an inexplicable wave of approachable new hires. Or someone wiser than I in-thread.

[Tiruin]

1. I miss seeing Truean :/

2. Hello self. You're entering Psychology now. I hope you'll be happy with people thinking that when they come to you, they have a problem and its a bad thing. Like, you're only needed if there's a problem despite any intent you have. Oh, sure, I know your only motive is in helping others, but you'll be called many names along the way. Hope you don't mind being labeled. You never knew you'd be called a shrink? Go look it up. You did?

And on and on and on...The basis: I want to help people.

Somehow, others get the notion like that's a bad thing for them. And I've had past experiences in distrust. Woohoo~
I can't do anything right, can I? Nooooope.

[Vector]

Honestly, my experience with psychologists has been that they really don't listen.  I think that's part of the reason for the distrust.

Also, people coming to you are going to be, sometimes, people with trust issues... I would cotton on to someone trying to get me to trust them and disclose paranoia, which in turn made me lie to them because they manipulated me.  It's complex... I think the important thing is to understand that you're not fully in control, so you don't have some sort of serious responsibility.  People have to want to get better.

I'm not going to a psychologist at the moment, for example, because I know that I have enough trouble trusting people--period--that it would just be a waste of time.

[Tiruin]

 
 
Great. I get that the thing is mutual..not wanting to be the controlling one, just the one who'd guide people to see what may their problem be..
...
Great..however, I do get that thing perfectly Vector..
...I'll just be sad now thanks. [And..I think they do listen, however I'm unsure if their listening goes along 'I'm writing notes about you for me to analyze' or...other stuff like easy diagnosis :S Bleh. I won't be like that.]

[Vector]

I'm not saying you're trying to control anyone >_>  I just don't want you to take things too seriously and get hurt, is all.

[Tiruin]

Nooo. Never said you said that but..but that situation may happen and..well, ok..I got it. Thanks.