I would like it very much if other female B12ers would post here and share their thoughts. I know I'm not the only girl here and it's hard for me to convince the mob of guys here that I'm not just the exception to the rule.
This has been very emphatically not my experience, but you certainly aren't the exception to the rule. I don't know that most women are as scared as you are. I think a lot of them decide to cover it over, internally. I know a lot of them are just plain angry. People have all sorts of different reactions. Your reaction isn't irrational in the least. I think that I'd be scared, too, if I were going through what you're experiencing.
It's sad also that men keep on trying to explain that it's a compliment. First of all, no, and second of all, those of us who have managed to escape basically get the persistent message that we're completely undesirable. It feels like street harassment is pretty much the litmus test. You're attractive if people harass you, and otherwise you're the low-hanging fruit for people who are usually intimidated by women. "There's so many better options out there but I'm going for you because you're unattractive enough that I think I might have a chance." Or, you know, "All your features are ugly but your beautiful spirit helps your looks."
I don't get told "wear tighter clothes and you'll look so much better." I get told "yeah, you're going to have to settle." Or, alternatively, "You don't experience misogyny. You experience being unattractive." Or that I don't count as a woman. I get that one a lot.
Here's another female secret that doesn't get shared often: Those of us--the ugly ones--trade street harassment stories like badges of honor. "Look, we're not hopeless. An unattractive stranger shouted at us that they wanted to fuck us, if only once. I was asked for my number, if only once."
I get laughed at by women or used as an ego trip and ignored by men. It's to the point now where I know not to go with any female friends if I want to find someone to date, because I'll be the comic relief. Women also seem to be very comfortable with trying to steal my boyfriend when I'm sitting
right there. And they're usually fine with it, too. Also with their male friends joking all up and down about how unattractive I am.
And you know what? I'm quite charming when I feel like it, and really fucking smart, and funny. It really sucks that people will treat me like this, because there's nothing actually wrong with me. I'm just flat-chested and not given to losing control of myself. That is literally it.
Anyway Sappho, I don't mean to steal your thunder. The situation sucks for everyone and it feels so often like there's just no way to win. I'm sorry about those assholes treating you like that, and I'm sorry there's nothing you can do about some of it. I'm just... yeah. I'm sad enough about how these things keep going that I'm having a hard time articulating myself about your situation. I felt sick reading your post and was really scared it was going to turn out even worse than it did. And I won't give you advice, since I think other people have got you covered. That is really fucking awful, all around.
I've been having nightmares again.