Yeah... just as a support thing -- I haven't been in that particular sort of situation, but one where physical safety (both direct in the assault sense and otherwise) is under fairly constant threat... that sort of thing. That's been my life to date. Different sort of thing -- I've just been in a community where a large portion of the population are bigots and very willing to hurt and/or ruin (socially, economically, etc.) people who aren't -- but that kind of omnipresent threat, that steady and seemingly inescapable pressure... yeah. And being cornered, so to speak (objecting [disconnecting], being met with anger [being followed, physically or otherwise] -- not being able to make it
stop, or get away) -- definitely the worst of it.
Most I can say is it's been unpleasant. I haven't really dealt with it beyond basically being a hermit and experiencing very,
very little social contact. S'fucked me up pretty badly, too, heh. Paranoia, badly stunted social skills, a lot of et ceteras, so forths, and so ons. I don't exactly regret it, because the number of people I grew up around that were genuinely decent individuals could be counted on one hand (in a population of ~500 in the town I grew up in, a few hundred more in the one I went to school most of the years) and if I
had tried to mingle, I probably would have ended up trying to kill someone (myself or the bastards that consisted of the local population), but staying out of it had a helluva' cost.
The closest I could get to advice is... I'unno, find better guys to hang with? Social venues that attract at least a higher ratio of tolerable individuals*. Social expectancies*** have twisted a lot of the gender** into (conditionally activated) scum, but it's not
entirely pervasive. S'a hell of a task, though, especially if you're going to parties and out drinking and whatnot. Avoided that stuff like the plague, m'self, but distanced observations have seemed to consistently show they attract the near worst of folks, especially when intoxicants get involved.
Just... find a way to make yourself safe? Or at least feel safe. Gods know I don't know
how, and haven't figured it out entirely myself (I keep a knife on me as habit these days, but I'm well aware it's kinda' useless and at most a psychological panacea), but from what I understand that's the general idea. S'just... not easy to do, especially when you're more aware of/attentive to what's going on around you.
In any case, what you're going through is not uncommon, from what I understand. You're not alone with it, etc., etc. I wish I could link to some folks that have found a way to function through (in spite of) it, but it's not something I've kept a repository around on. Just... I want to say the situation'll get better. It might. More likely, you'll find how you deal with it, functioning through it, etc., or at least get better at it. It might take years. It might take decades. It honestly might not happen at all, but... hope? Continued effort? Something. Feels, Sapph. Y'don't deserve it.
*Fair to state, I don't actually know what good options there are, unfortunately.
**Being fair, this is true both ways. Most people seem to be pretty terrible people under certain conditions.
***
They think they have the right to expect me to look nice for them, to tell me how I should look, to "help" me make myself more attractive to men.
This is actually a probable example. I think in (at least some, if not all) that's not the thought processing going through their heads; rather, the social state as it is has conditioned them to see women who look nice (physically), are attractive (behaviorally), etc., as those that are happy and healthy (physically and otherwise). The natural conclusion to this is that if you want to help a woman**** (be happier and healthier), then you should be trying to help them look better and act with a great attention toward attraction of the opposite sex. It's important to note that that's
utter bullshit, but it's also an
incredibly pervasive bullshit that's so strongly pushed by the media/etc. that it sinks in and gets internalized for a lot of people. Which in turn leads to all sorts of rather unwanted behavior, that may or may not be initiated under the best of intentions.
****Or rather, help a
person -- there's a similar set of shallow bullshit conditions attached to the other gender, of course.