So, I'm hiding in shame after making a drunken ass of myself last time I went out in public. I didn't really see it that way at first, but it's pretty apparent now.
At least it took longer into my life than I thought it would to reach this stage, and I didn't actually offend anybody. I mean, unless my cheese slipped totally off my cracker and I'm repressing memories or something stupid.
It can't be any worse than the time my friend got Paranoid Drunk at a Halloween Party, got lost while walking home, and started drunk-dialing his friends and exes, worried that the Cops were going to arrest him because he had a fake bottle of Vicodin as part of his House MD costume. I went out onto campus on foot, gradually pieced together where he was (he had no idea) and walked him home to my place. He was complaining loudly into the night about how he "hadn't gotten laid in a year", and started telling me how I was "just the best", and almost managed to disappear into another party for long enough to get another drink (he said he was going to pee behind the dumpster, but he is apparently a crafty drunk). I finally got him back to my place, and convinced him to lie down on the couch for a bit and sleep.
A few minutes into his nap, he bolted up, and vomited whatever he'd been drinking all over my carpet, couch, and himself. Then went back to sleep in it.