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[Vector]

Ehn. Weakness in the sense that it's other people effecting you, it seems t'me. When other people control (intentionally or not) your emotional state, then they are in a position of strength over you, at least in the emotional arena. Would be a way of looking at it. Weakness comes from a lack of control. S'basically what weakness is. The thing in question having their state of being being dictated by outside forces, and said thing's ability to resist that. When the state of others dictates your emotional state, then it could, indeed, been seen as comparatively weak in some way.

Thing is, weakness isn't necessarily a negative trait. Lack of control is lack of control. Whether that lack is a bad or good thing depends on other variables. Sometimes a thing breaking under stress, so to speak (since it's not really breaking inasmuch as attaching or whathaveyou, in the case presented), is a good thing. Vec's probably better aware of whether it is or isn't a good thing than the rest of us, heh. And even if it is a good thing, ceding that kind of control (or, perhaps worse, having it taken, as V seems to be distressed by) can indeed be unpleasant, in and of itself. Even if the results thereof are net positive, and doubly so when they're not.

Yes.  Thank you.  This is exactly what I wish I could say but can't because of, well, prohibitive anxiety about discussing this explicitly.

Thank you so much for articulating it for me.

[Pnx]

Yeah, but freaking out about your lack of control just makes things worse... A practical way to deal with this sort of thing for me is to come to terms with the issue, like address the anxiety about the anxiety. That is to say, I remind myself, that it's not necessary to have perfect control, that sort of thing... But maybe I'm just being silly.

[Vector]

Yeah, that's really not the situation.  I'm thinking about it, but attempts to fix it are somewhat forestalled by the fact that fixing it means admitting that it's there and ohgodno.

[freeformschooler]

Ehhh, that level of empathy and being able to hold in other peoples' emotional states on top of your own and have it gnaw at you inside is something you can come to terms with over time. It's a good thing, in the end.

...Maybe.

Definitely helps to be intentionally aloof about most things and not let most people know you're so vulnerable.

[Pnx]

Yeah, that's really not the situation.  I'm thinking about it, but attempts to fix it are somewhat forestalled by the fact that fixing it means admitting that it's there and ohgodno.

Actually that sounds exactly like the sort of situation I was talking about, the anxiety you're having about the problem is making the problem far harder to deal with than it should be.

[Vector]

Ah: reminding myself I don't need perfect control, etc., is not going to do it.  This isn't one of those negative self-talk things.  It's hard to call it "just" anxiety because I have anxiety and stress issues out the wazoo, and this one is special.

[SalmonGod]

There's pros and cons either way.  Choosing to be stoic and aloof vs clingy and vulnerable is really up to which issues the person in question would rather deal with.

[freeformschooler]

It's not a binary decision. You can be outwardly stoic/aloof around large amounts of people you don't know very well and then more open and warm with people you really like spending time with.

Not sure that stoic necessarily implies aloof, though, or vica versa.

[Pnx]

Ah: reminding myself I don't need perfect control, etc., is not going to do it.  This isn't one of those negative self-talk things.  It's hard to call it "just" anxiety because I have anxiety and stress issues out the wazoo, and this one is special.

Then I suppose all I can really do is wish you luck dealing with your special anxiety about anxiety issue.

*hugs*

[Vector]

Man, I don't mean to be a jackass about it.  What I mean is that this is something I've carried with me so long and informs so many of my decisions that, to me, I experience it as a defining character trait more than just day-to-day discomfort.

*hugs*

[SalmonGod]

It's not a binary decision. You can be outwardly stoic/aloof around large amounts of people you don't know very well and then more open and warm with people you really like spending time with.

Not sure that stoic necessarily implies aloof, though, or vica versa.

Sure... but like Vector points out, not everyone is adept at varying aspects of their character like that.

[IronTomato]

I've still been having one small continuous conniption fit since I had a traumatizing experience a while back. I'm trying to get over it, but I can't say anything about what happened because the person that did this to me has no idea that they did it, making me even angrier.

[Solifuge]

IronTomato, without knowing more about the situation, all I can say is that you may want to bring up what happened with the person, especially if they don't realize they did it. Sitting and seething about something someone did, and weren't even aware they did, is no good for you, and also really unfair to the person who did it.

Even if it's embarrassing to admit that it was traumatizing, or if it makes you really angry... bring it up with them. Try to be non-confrontational about it too... you're explaining something to them, not accusing them.

Hopefully, that helps.

[IronTomato]

IronTomato, without knowing more about the situation, all I can say is that you may want to bring up what happened with the person, especially if they don't realize they did it. Sitting and seething about something someone did, and weren't even aware they did, is no good for you, and also really unfair to the person who did it.

Even if it's embarrassing to admit that it was traumatizing, or if it makes you really angry... bring it up with them. Try to be non-confrontational about it too... you're explaining something to them, not accusing them.

Hopefully, that helps.

It's not someone something said directly to me, or that I was even supposed to see or hear at all. I was snooping around reading my brother's messages to make sure he wasn't saying anything about me (Because paranoia, and the fact that I've already caught him doing just that), and I saw some messages that I wasn't supposed to see.

I'll let you all fill in the rest of the blanks.

I won't tell anyone about it, that won't fix anything and it'll cause nothing but chaos here at home. Besides, he's a teenager. Being an introvert and probably asexual antisocial person, I don't understand it, but I know it's natural (From what I've heard).

[Tiruin]

I wish I could help people and be just as efficient just like you all are doing :/