I need to take a break from being INTJ-Vector and be INTP-Vector. I don't have the energy for the other one right now (it's not natural to me, anyway).
So... what you're saying is you want to shift away from making solid plans ahead of time, to a more adaptive planning style?
I need to stop worrying about judging and being judged for a while and just act according to whim. I'm tired of fighting against everything and ranking things and ordering things. I don't want to do that. I need to just be a jellyfish for a while again and stop worrying.
Sounds good to me. J is good at getting stuff done, but frustrates the hell out of themselves and everyone else. Never seemed worth it to me. What's the point in accomplishment if you never enjoy it?
Example: My wife is extremely J and has to have a detailed plan for every scheduled event ever. If there isn't one, she stresses out. If the plan isn't perfectly executed, she stresses out. While the plan is in the process of being executed, she stresses out at any indication that it might not end up perfect. She gets so worked up over things as simple as a couple friends coming to hang out for a while that when it comes time to enjoy it, she can't. So there's literally no point.
I'm 100% P. Wishy washy as fuck. Bad at finishing things. Often late. Bit of an underachiever. Quite content about it, having seen the alternative.
Ugh, I'm literally 50-50 J/P so it feels like no matter what I'm doing I'm fighting myself. What I usually end up doing is imagining a lot of different ways that any given event or moment could go, and then in that second do absolutely none of them and pick something else. If I don't have a generalized plan, I get stressed, but then if I follow the plan, I get bored.
I feel guilty when I'm late but it's hard for me not to be, I have poor completion-per-idea so I just think of like a billion ideas and hold onto them
forever (thus completing a lot of projects by most people's standards but a tiny fraction of my Good Ideas), I'm wishy-washy but very good at precisely detailing the conditions of my wishy-washiness, and I'm ambitious as hell but terrible at thinking ahead or doing anything long-term.
I have no idea if it's a good way to be or not but I can't take the stress of dealing with other people's strongly held convictions anymore. I've spent so much of my life digging my heels in and letting other people push me as hard as they want, and I think I'm just about done with Trying To Say Things. I literally spent something like eight years, from elementary school through the end of high school, trying to get my dad to read Dragonball because I really really really cared about it and it was something we could talk about together, and I'm just giving the French books to a booksale and being done with that. DONE. He's about to retire, which was when things were supposed to change and he'd pay more attention to the things I care about, but no, apparently he's decided he's got too many things he'd rather do instead, AAAAAS USUAL.
Like play fucking Colonization, which is what he's done with all his spare time for the past something-like-thirteen years.
Whatever, I'm done. I don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm sad today because I tried to give someone math advice and made a really elementary error. On Facebook. It's this sort of thing that's always made me feel that I wasn't cut out to be a mathematician--my naivete that oversimplifies problems and makes me give stupid answers to things. And the thing is, I
know! Some part of me always
knows, but I just don't listen. I judge just before I would be able to hear the whole truth, always
just before, and it's driving me a little bit crazy. It's a problem I have in all domains of my life, not just math, but when you lose at social interaction you just get yelled at, you don't fuck up beautiful subtle problems...
(you can see where my loyalties lie. Hint: not with humanity D:)
I knew my depression needed a mascot!
Always glad to be of assistance. Any time you need to question your self-worth, call me.
Will do :D