I've been looking at the recently released numbers for the college that my mom really wants me to attend, and there is just...no possible way that I can get in there and high expectations suck. To start with, 93% of students are in the top 10% of their class, I am at the top 12% (this is the number being sent to them, for sure). This wouldn't be so bad, but also my SAT scores are below the 25th percentile in all the sections but writing. My mom thinks I have a "hook", but it's not very good, in my humble opinion, and half of it is total B.S. Even with the "hook", you still need to have decent test scores, unless you are some kind of prodigy, which I'm not, much as people seem to think. Centering my preparation and everything on getting into this school isn't helping, and there are much better things I could be doing on my time to help me elsewhere.
It's just, I feel like it's a waste of time and application fees and stuff, and it's not really where I'd be happy, other than the awesome financial aid stuff they have, anyways. I feel like I can't tell my mother this though because at this point I feel like she'll be really pissed off at me at this point if I do say anything suggesting that I won't/don't want to get in there. So, I've been making alternate plans (that she definitely won't like. Our views of the world clash significantly.), and stuff on my own, but it really feels like I'm going behind her back, which I don't like doing. I probably shouldn't care so much what she thinks, but I mean, I have lived with her for the entirety of my life and all that jazz.
All that, and the stuff with transferring from teenagerhood to adultish-hood is stressful. I feel like it shouldn't be, but it is stressful for me. I just want to lie down in bed and stop thinking some days.
Oh yeah, and my pregnant stepmom (who has had quite serious issues with a previous pregnancy) came home today because she was seeing spots while sitting down and drinking water, so I'm worried about her and her baby, too. Stress D: