I hope you guys don't mind if I have a bit of a whine in here.
I'm just so terribly unhappy at the moment. Nothing's changed as such, but it's just hitting me really bad lately.
Haven't been able to sleep, stress (about how bad my current situation is, and about how hard it seems to actually improve it) had been keeping me awake, and when I do sleep it's at odd hours and I wake up feeling tired anyway.
I feel hungry, but I know eating will just make me feel worse. I should go outside and do stuff, but that just requires so much effort, and usually ends up being mentally exhausting anyway. I have literally no-one to talk to about this in person. The one friend I still have (my best friend, I guess) lives two states away, and I find prolonged telephone conversations unpleasant, both due to the fact that I have trouble understanding people over the phone due to hearing problems, and due to never really feeling comfortable enough to speak openly into a phone anyway, since (probably also due to hearing impairment) I'm always expecting to be overheard by people in the next room or whatever.
Last saturday was good fun, I believe I mentioned it on here somewhere- I went to a gig, got drunk, joked with people, and then caught a bus and crashed at my brother's place in the city. I was thinking of doing a similiar thing again this weekend, but I don't feel too comfortable with that idea anymore, either- said brother has suggested that I move in with him, pretty much a win-win situation since I would be living back in the city, and he would have someone to help with the rent, but then my mother has been looking to move house, and fully expects me and one or both of my brothers to come with her.
Ugggh, I doubt that paragraph made any sense whatsoever but whatever. Pisses me off just thinking about the whole thing.
Part of me wants to just say "fuck it" to everything and move down to Melbourne, grab an apartment (at least until my friend finishes his course at uni and we can enact our plan of getting a kickass sharehouse with friends) and derp around down there, but then how sad is it if I have to ride along on my friend's coattails and can't form a social life of my own? I doubt that kinda solution would really improve my self-respect.
[/vent] Okay, that's it from me. I just had to get it out of my system because all this bullshit was keeping me awake. Maybe I'll go get myself some 2 minute noodles or something.