Hang on a second, everybody get in the front seats of the class.... I don't like to stress my voice, though I often do....
[sits down, crosses legs, smooths skirt, sets down purse under chair]
So, just let me tell you about this day I'm having. It starts, per usual with a heroin addict.... I'm happy to see she's actually come to court like she's supposed to, and not happy to see she's completely high off her ass in those lovely courtroom audience seats right there in public and in court..... She's obviously got something wrong with her, moreso than usual I mean, sprawled all over the place and slouched if you can call it that, legs not exactly together.....
Me: "Hello Miss. [Name] it's a pleasure to see you again, you're looking ... are you not well today?"
Her: "[halfhearted moaning] "fffh....Fuck you."
Me: "Well, I'm flattered, but no thank you. I'm sorry but you're just not my type. Also you uh, [ahem] you might wanna maybe ... make sure your legs are slightly closer together than they are ... right about now.... A lot closer together um, perhaps.... "
Her: [Middle finger, still very very slouched]
Me: "Well, I'm sorry that I'm already taken, you should've come to the dance sooner.... Let's see if we can do something to try and manage t...."
Her: [raises middle finger higher still very very slouched]
Me: "Yes, that's rather nice, might wanna put that away, nice things like that, they tend to get stolen in this town. Safe and tucked away.... Don't go anywhere.... Excellent job on that last one...."
So before I can even consider exactly what the hell I can do in this situation she starts freaking the hell out, screaming and flailing at people (one or more of whom may have thrown terms like 'skank' and 'slut' within her earshot), all on the courtroom's camera system.... They did not get her good side.... I had this worked out so it wouldn't be a felony and would be a misdemeanor if she did rehab but basically you can forget alllll about that now. Additional. Charges. Pending.... Protip, don't throw up on the bailiffs when they're trying to cuff you--they really hate that.
From there, I have to clean up this horrid mess with the first court when it was supposed to be a "simple thing," so my whoooole schedule in other courts is shot straight to hell today....
I have several cases including a 10 year old charged with arson for the old "lighting a paper bag full of dog crap on fire and running away" thing, a few thefts, some probation violations, etc etc etc, late to alllll of them, because of
her antics. Plus I'm sure this makes me look juuuust great. I get yelled at for being late in another court, because the judge simply doesn't wanna hear it and he couldn't care less if I was late on account of world war three (I believe he would conduct court if Armageddon were imminent while proclaiming what little time he had left was already scheduled on the docket and that it would be done by the docket before lunch sohelp the rest of us God).
Meanwhile one of the other appointed clients I have can't seem to pay her court costs (and I was late for her criminal matter for the reasons above), and she's crying in a court hallway in front of her landlord, who is expressly saying there is no way in Hell she will ever get her security deposit back and doesn't care if she deserves it or not.
I'm having a bad day, and I don't like listening to this guy violate
landlord tenant law while extorting my appointed client, so it looks like I'm doing that now too. I'm not getting paid for over half of this at the already embarrassingly low rate I get....
And that was just the stuff before noon....
The guy I'm dating has canceled this weekend, just as he did last weekend and the one before that....
Maybe I'll start pissing off* violent felony clients in the hope one of them will just shoot me
*I already piss them off because I tell them the truth and they don't wanna hear it.
Never do heroin kids; it is a hell of a drug and that is not a good thing.
Author
Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9433362 times)