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[Max White]

Today I didn't win a snickers bar. I actually feel a little responsible for this, as if I somehow failed in my duty...

[Vector]

I hate that I pretty much can't read facial expressions.

I feel stupid, and I feel alone, and every time I remember, life feels a little bit more empty and hopeless.

[penguinofhonor]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Practice facial expressions with Nicolas Cage.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

His are pretty obvious.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And if you have trouble, "crazy" is always a safe bet.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[Vector]

I actually can't read any of those.  Hilarious as the idea is, I think I'm going to have to find a textbook or chart somewhere.

The reason why I'm such a "genius" at everything literary is actually because I'm so retarded at everything body language, so I normally work off of extremely detailed text interpretation.

[Max White]

I'm not convinced that Cage photos would actually help. I mean I hate to sound pessimistic, and I'm sure it won't hurt, might actually help! But still, real life exchanges tend to be very complex. I don't know, I'm not an expert, do what works.

I have found you can often get people to actually tell you how they feel if you are open enough to start by telling them how you feel. It isn't exactly easy for everybody, but phrases like "I'm not very happy with how that happened" or "I'm really looking forward to this" and such invite people to give their own feelings. You can't always be sure they will be honest, but people lie with their facial expressions too.

[XXSockXX]

I hate that I pretty much can't read facial expressions.

I feel stupid, and I feel alone, and every time I remember, life feels a little bit more empty and hopeless.

Don't feel stupid. From what you wrote elsewhere you know your way around numbers and you can translate poetry, which I find something often borderline impossible to translate. There are even companies that specifically hire people on the autism spectrum.

Didn't know Nicolas Cage had so many facial expressions, he pretty much uses only the last one from what I've seen.

[Vector]

I have found you can often get people to actually tell you how they feel if you are open enough to start by telling them how you feel. It isn't exactly easy for everybody, but phrases like "I'm not very happy with how that happened" or "I'm really looking forward to this" and such invite people to give their own feelings. You can't always be sure they will be honest, but people lie with their facial expressions too.

Hm.  I'll consider putting more emphasis on this.

I'm fairly lucky.  People do open up to me, because my rule is that I'm too socially kaputt to be allowed to be mean.  The most I allow myself is "aloof and standoffish."  So I operate on a very simple level, and a lot of people comment about how nice I am and how much they wish more people were like me (I honestly don't understand why they would say that, or what in the hell they would find likable about me).

Yeah, so I need to work on the self-esteem a bit.

Don't feel stupid. From what you wrote elsewhere you know your way around numbers and you can translate poetry, which I find something often borderline impossible to translate.

I often suspect that I would also find it impossible to translate if I understood it the way normal people do.


My big nightmare is that it's all a charade and that people are lying to me about what they think of me, because they want me to feel good or just from social protocols.  You know, I'm nice so they feel obligated to reciprocate in that.  I realize that it doesn't make sense (where did those social protocols come from?  somewhere) but that's because people don't make sense.

[Putnam]

I've said this before, but self-esteem is hard to work with.

People tend to feel bad when others want to boost their self-esteem because "my self-esteem isn't as high as they want it to be and I feel terrible because that".

It's difficult to work with people with low self-esteem but I want to do it because I want to help but I'm not good at that and aaah

[Max White]

My big nightmare is that it's all a charade and that people are lying to me about what they think of me, because they want me to feel good or just from social protocols.  You know, I'm nice so they feel obligated to reciprocate in that.  I realize that it doesn't make sense (where did those social protocols come from?  somewhere) but that's because people don't make sense.

Oh god I hate that feeling. So much.
The bit where people are extra nice just because they think if they don't treat you like a special snowflake you might do something stupid. and then over time it turns into this kind of paranoia that every time somebody is kind they are being condescending about it. In case you are wondering, yes, I am projecting here. This is pretty much the only way my mother interacts with me these days. Can't stand it!
Don't worry, even those that can read expressions are haunted by the feeling that people are giving you the special treatment.

[Skyrunner]

Social stuff is so nuanced and difficult.

[XXSockXX]

Don't feel stupid. From what you wrote elsewhere you know your way around numbers and you can translate poetry, which I find something often borderline impossible to translate.

I often suspect that I would also find it impossible to translate if I understood it the way normal people do.

Nah, I meant, it is really difficult to translate the meaning of words, while keeping the tone and possibly respecting the meter of the original. What people understand seems to vary between languages anyway, there are things you can't even think in some languages.

My big nightmare is that it's all a charade and that people are lying to me about what they think of me, because they want me to feel good or just from social protocols.  You know, I'm nice so they feel obligated to reciprocate in that.  I realize that it doesn't make sense (where did those social protocols come from?  somewhere) but that's because people don't make sense.

I think most people are only nice when they feel like it (except if you're a customer or something). Social obligations seem to end at saying hi one or two times when you run into each other and then politely ignoring you. As a general rule, people who are nice over a prolonged time do like you, that works for me.

[AlleeCat]

I hate that I pretty much can't read facial expressions.

I feel stupid, and I feel alone, and every time I remember, life feels a little bit more empty and hopeless.

But you're not alone, Vector! I can't read facial expressions either >_>

[sjm9876]

I hate that I pretty much can't read facial expressions.

I feel stupid, and I feel alone, and every time I remember, life feels a little bit more empty and hopeless.

But you're not alone, Vector! I can't read facial expressions either >_>

I also have this problem.

[Frumple]

I actually can't read any of those.  Hilarious as the idea is, I think I'm going to have to find a textbook or chart somewhere.

Y'know... you might have some luck with some of those culture comparison psych study... thingies. They've done stuff where they compare facial expressions across cultures to look for similarities, and you might be able to get like a... list. With comparison notes between different examples and a general indication of what they're supposed to indicate.

Personally, I'm... not really sure if I can read facial expressions. I think so, but I'm also quite aware I crib a lot of notes re: peoples moods from stuff like body language (/how they're moving) and tone so it might just be the latter and face stuff isn't much of the equation. Then again, I usually do alright with the "guess the emotion" setups from faces, there's just a couple that I consistently miss.

Eh. It hasn't really came up much in my experience thus far, I guess. Kinda' like remembering names. It's surprisingly unnecessary for most social interaction.

[GlyphGryph]

My big nightmare is that it's all a charade and that people are lying to me about what they think of me, because they want me to feel good or just from social protocols.  You know, I'm nice so they feel obligated to reciprocate in that.  I realize that it doesn't make sense (where did those social protocols come from?  somewhere) but that's because people don't make sense.

Most of them probably are, yeah - most people probably have no real opinion of you, so why not say something positive? But then, from what you've described yourself, anyone who actually knows you would know that there's not really any benefit to be gained from being dishonest, and the social expectations evaporate pretty quickly after prolonged contact. Usually a few months will do it - if you've seen someone at least once a week for several months, what you'll have left will be generally pretty honest. The more often you see them, the more honest it's likely to be. Except in the case of the extreme social manipulators, but those aren't common - statistically, you are unlikely to now all that many of them. (And obviously opinions are subject to change based on environment and circumstances - this is why many people hate their exes, and why being nice to people ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY makes them think better of you. Context!)

I know this from the other side - My problem is that people don't actually like me as a general rule. It's basically just my brother and my wife. It's why I have to get a new batch of friends ever year, or rather why I had to, because I mostly don't bother anymore. So I can tell you from that end that they will fake it for at most a year of prolonged contact and after that they just won't be able to fake it anymore, especially since their seems to be little value from you in the eyes of the social manipulators who might stay on longer (You aren't super wealthy and don't have powerful social connections, I believe) Most people will NOT even last a year though - three months is pretty normal. I just do a lot of pretending, which can certainly drag it out. Easier that way. Better to have to make new friends every year instead of every 3 months.