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[MrSparky]

Do you curse Disney every time an ABC News story is inaccurate or inane?

ABC isn't Disney?

Disney owns and operates ABC, A+E, Lifetime, and ESPN.

[Pnx]

I feel so frigging tired right now... I suspect I might have stressed myself into exhaustion.

[Solifuge]

Everything is proceeding to fall apart.

Visited the folks. Had a long conversation with my Stepdad about my financial situation, about my depression, and about life and career and so on. In vague detail, I explained all the ways I've screwed up over the last few years, and the lessons I've learned from them. I am a very proud person, especially around people I love... so this was really hard to do. Looking back, I feel like a pretty crappy dude. Looking forward, I see the road being very rough, and despite having learned from pitfalls in the past, I doubt my ability to handle them.

Then I got home, and had a short conversation with my roommate. Apparently he's considering breaking the lease to live with his folks, so he can get back to school and head off to be an Air Force pilot. I support him wanting to pursue his dreams, but I sure as hell can't afford a place on my own right now. Which means another 1-2 year setback on my own Get Back To School plan, and probably moving in with my Dad, again. Just as I was starting to feel like I was getting stable footing, and getting things back in order.

Meanwhile, the back of my brain wants me to die. The back of my brain is dumb, and needs to shut up if it's not going to help. The rest of my brain is stubbornly refusing to give up, despite how easy and comforting giving in to despair would be right now. And as I write this, I can feel one of the super-shitty headaches I used to get behind my right eye welling up. Not looking forward to very much of anything at all right now... but you gotta keep trying, right? Right.

Bleh. Very much.

[Pnx]

Aww Soli...
*hugs*

[Mr Space Cat]

Ugh, is anyone else having problems with Youtube?

Implying people don't have problems with Youtube all the time. [/suppressingraeg]

But yeah, I know what you're talking about specifically. Oddly enough at the time the servers were "down" I had several other youtube tabs open and was still able to watch videos and go from related video to related video. Attempting to access Youtube homepage via a bookmark in a new tab, however, led to errors.

Bleh. Very much.

I know dat feel. Just gotta bleh and keep going, I guess.

[MrSparky]

Mum and I got into a disagreement. She told me she'd accepted a job taking care of foster dogs. I tried to make her realize what a bad idea that was, our dogs aren't friendly with other dogs and only tolerate eachother. She started talking to them and making them promise to get along with the dogs she brought home. I brought up the fact that while she would be getting payed the checks would be less reliable than a check from some people we know who will give you a check and an instruction to hold it for 2-3 weeks because atleast with them you know when the check can be cashed and how much you'll get. She then told me she was just going to get a puppy instead. I told her I was moving out. She FREAKED. I don't think she'll ever be ready for that.

So now she's backed down about getting another dog but I can't sleep. I made mom cry and now I know how dependent she is and it scares me. I also know that both of these subjects will come up again because she is borderline obsessed with dogs and I don't want to live here forever.

[SalmonGod]

Wish there was something I could do, Soli.  Hoping some good luck comes along for you.

[Vector]

Soli, hope stuff gets better soon.


*sigh*

As for me, I feel like a tool.  The way I always do when I stand up for myself.

[Skyrunner]

I feel like I'm drowning in school. So weary.
Endless classes where not only points are painstakingly made over the course of fifty minutes, but also not very satisfying.

x_x

[MaximumZero]

Not going to school today. Very sick.

[Jopax]

Jeez soli, that's rough. Have you thought about looking for another roommate? Not sure what kinds of ad papers you got or how much it would cost but spreading around that you need another one to live with should give you some results. Now it is a gamble as you don't know what kind of horrible bastard you could end with, but it turn out good and you get some sort of Mother Theresa goodly cook with mad humour skills or something

In sad news, wasting trough another day, ffs, so god damn easy for me to slip up, I'll feel bad about it but won't do anything about it really :I
Also really hungry, and it's started raining like hell just now. Yay spring showers :C

[miauw62]

I had my last lessons this schoolyear today. This is a sad because of the way our school is set up. The first two years are in a seperate building from the rest, and there's quite some teachers that only teach in the first two years. I had some really awesome teachers this year, and it's sad that I probably won't see them again.

[Truean]

Sorry to hear that's happening to you Soli. You don't seem to deserve any of that.

I'm currently trying to convince a 16 year old that cursing out the police is not the best strategy for... anything really. At that point, you don't really have a defense to much, because the police are going to come around and testify and it just gets ugly from there. Yes, police officers are allowed to be "jerks" to you, not sure what I'm expected to do about that. In a nutshell, there are far too many people in the world who will make you mad, and I don't care who you are, you can't fight all of them, there are too many....

Somehow, I am getting pushback from this kid, and I am just entirely emotionally exhausted. I basically got sick of it and scared the crap out of kid and mom: in a calm, rational voice by just telling how I have to talk to people. The police were mean to you? And? In a very polite and soft spoken voice: asking them to picture a 250 pound man accused of a felony burglary screaming at the top of his lungs and cussing me out that I'm "selling him down the river," got  a bit of a shock. Now comparing that to the officer who made kid upset.... Does it matter who is right or wrong at that point if there's yelling? Not really. Could I have yelled at this felony defendant, most definitely and loudly, but what would that accomplish? Nada. This was the abridged version, but I think the point more or less got home. Either that or the shock value might have made it work, not sure, but I'll take either one.

In other news, my old commercial landlord is not giving me back my security deposit, or trying not to, because I locked the door on my way out for the last time. Evidently, he did not have a key to the door, which I had no way of knowing. I mean, it's his building.... Well, Ohio has a statutory procedure for getting a security deposit back and if he doesn't follow it by giving me a written list of any reasons he might not return a security deposit, then I'm allowed to sue him for double the amount and attorney's fees, which will involve me hiring a friend to sue him. Or he could save us both the trouble, because I really, truly am emotionally exhausted.

[Xantalos]

Haven't slept in 2 days. From what I understand that isn't a good sign.

[Solifuge]

Have you thought about looking for another roommate? Not sure what kinds of ad papers you got or how much it would cost but spreading around that you need another one to live with should give you some results. Now it is a gamble as you don't know what kind of horrible bastard you could end with, but it turn out good and you get some sort of Mother Theresa goodly cook with mad humour skills or something

The apartment is only ours because my roommate works for this apartment complex. My earnings have been inconsistant for months, and I have neither the savings, credit history, nor a regular paycheck I can use to be approved for a place on my own right now. So a roommate I know, and who isn't going to be scared off by how my income works, is pretty much my only option. I'll know whether the roommate is moving with his folks, and whether I'll have a place to live, in about a week or so. Until then, going to keep on looking for hourly work locally to supplement the freelancing thing, as though I wasn't going to be uprooted. Here's to hope.

Haven't slept in 2 days. From what I understand that isn't a good sign.

It is not. Get yourself some sleep. It's a kindness you can do for yourself.