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[MetalSlimeHunt]

Ugh, my head hurts. Bouts of intense rage have consequences. Surprisingly, my hands do not hurt despite repeatedly punching my wall.

[The Darkling Wolf]

Cataclysm was way better before that Darkling Wolf asshole took over, I'd like to punch him in the kidneys.

[Descan]

His supple, tiny kidneys.

[ChairmanPoo]

Cataclysm was way better before that Darkling Wolf asshole took over, I'd like to punch him in the kidneys.

Insult the Dear Leader Darkling Wolf at your peril!

[Vector]

I'm not depressed, but my desire to live is dropping through the floor.


There's another forum I posted on, until today.  It's a very small forum, about 7p tops.  I've long been sort of unhappy about the lack of camaraderie there.  You can say you're suffering and no one says anything, or that things are going well and no one says anything.  I don't really understand why they bother posting.  I was trying to maintain contact with my best friend there--that's why I said stuff.

Well anyway, I was trying to change the atmosphere of the forum by being encouraging or whatever and it turns out that I made my best friend's (suicidal) younger sister feel unsafe and angry by talking about my own experiences when trying to suggest that she could be able to overcome hers, and things might get better.  Like I was trying to one-up her... she seems to hate me.  So I'm making it clear that I'm leaving and won't be bothering them anymore, because the best friend isn't exactly talking to me anymore, either.  There's nothing left there for me, so maybe if I go, then they'll be able to make something better amongst themselves.

I don't expect them to say anything.


My closest remaining friend from high school keeps on posting crap on Facebook about going to picnics to judge all the white people there.  I don't really know what to do about him.


I don't really know why I'm bothering to post here, either.  When you perform an action you should have a reasonable notion of expected effect, and I don't have any.  Maybe I'll feel less lonesome?

Nah.

It feels like the world's striking me so many times that, as I drown, I'm going numb with pain.  Simultaneously, that seems unreasonable.  Is being lonely that bad?  Is being disdained that bad?

Nah.  I can't seem to control my feelings, though.

Ugh, my head hurts. Bouts of intense rage have consequences. Surprisingly, my hands do not hurt despite repeatedly punching my wall.

Are you okay?  What happened?

[ChairmanPoo]

it turns out that I made my best friend's (suicidal) younger sister feel unsafe and angry by talking about my own experiences when trying to suggest that she could be able to overcome hers, and things might get better.

Yeah, as a general rule it's better not to do that, except in very specific circumstances, to build up empathy, and then limitedly so. Engage what they're saying and question them about it instead is a better option, normally.

[Vector]

Yeah, lesson learned.  I'm a domineering shit, as I always knew.  Time to isolate the pathogen from the human race again for genetic re-engineering.  Maybe this time I'll finally stop being so toxic to humanity at large.

Fuck you, brain, and your inborn misunderstanding of empathic principles.  I curse whatever cruel star left me unable to interact in a reasonable way every day, and am constantly left wondering if the only way to compensate for the bloody track left by my trail of sin is to effect a more permanent self-isolation and dedicate myself to being materially useful.  God knows that on every human rubric I'm corrupted and corrupting.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Ugh, my head hurts. Bouts of intense rage have consequences. Surprisingly, my hands do not hurt despite repeatedly punching my wall.

Are you okay?  What happened?

Me? Oh, I'm fine other than now potentially failing a class I'm otherwise doing just fine in due to an all-or-nothing assignment. The universe seems to be conspiring against me, because circumstances have kept me from completing no less than three opportunities to do it. (It's one of those, "go volunteer in a related thing and write about it oh and include pictures for no reason" assignment.) I don't necessarily know that it will keep me from passing, because the syllabus is extremely vague on what portion of the grade it makes up.

Worst part is that this class isn't even in my fucking major to begin with. The only reason it is included is due to collaboration between the SD and AT major directors.

I really should have stayed up when I woke up early this morning from a nightmare, but I was exhausted and decided to sleep the extra two hours until my intended wake up time. Then, all of a sudden, it's two hours past when I was intending to wake up and one past the time I was supposed to report for this thing. I don't remember cutting off my alarm clock, but it's off. So I decided to spend the next couple of minutes punching everything, posted something half-coherent in the rage thread, and went back to sleep again. It's not the first time I've gotten rage headaches, but I'm surprised I didn't hurt my hands. The wall punching is something I got from my father, kind of, as I've never seen him punching walls but he informed me that he did so as a teenager as well once he found out I sometimes did so.

Still got that rage headache. I'm not exactly sure what causes it or when it will go away. It doesn't feel like a normal headache either, more like I've got glowing embers in my frontal lobe.

[Vector]

Right.  I'm going to stop bothering you all and leave for the forseeable future.  I don't think I'm adding anything to the value of this forum, either.

Laters.

[SalmonGod]

Yeah, lesson learned.  I'm a domineering shit, as I always knew.  Time to isolate the pathogen from the human race again for genetic re-engineering.  Maybe this time I'll finally stop being so toxic to humanity at large.

Fuck you, brain, and your inborn misunderstanding of empathic principles.  I curse whatever cruel star left me unable to interact in a reasonable way every day, and am constantly left wondering if the only way to compensate for the bloody track left by my trail of sin is to effect a more permanent self-isolation and dedicate myself to being materially useful.  God knows that on every human rubric I'm corrupted and corrupting.

You didn't do anything wrong and you shouldn't feel so bad.  Differences between people cause misunderstandings, and some people leap straight to hatred instead of accommodating them.  There are plenty of people out there, myself included, who find encouragement more useful than pity.  She just happened to not be one of them.  The thing about social rules of thumb like that offered by ChairmanPoo isn't that they're the universally right way to go, but that they help you avoid the worst potential reactions.  They're to be taken as risk management, not morality, so acting counter to one doesn't make you domineering or corrupting.

Hang in there.  Social life gets better.

[Solifuge]

it turns out that I made my best friend's (suicidal) younger sister feel unsafe and angry by talking about my own experiences when trying to suggest that she could be able to overcome hers, and things might get better.

Yeah, as a general rule it's better not to do that, except in very specific circumstances, to build up empathy, and then limitedly so. Engage what they're saying and question them about it instead is a better option, normally.

Not sure I agree there. When I'm troubled, I like hearing success stories from other people; seeing that success has been possible for others can help me find the strength to keep trying. I don't like passing judgement on people I don't really know, but the younger sister may have been lashing out at you passively, for suggesting that it can be beat, because that implies that she's somehow faulty. Alternatively, she may be lashing out because she was playing the Victimization Card for sympathy. A major cause of Suicide Threats is a desire to be reassured that the world cares about you, or would miss you if you were gone. Basically that there's a reason to be alive, and put up with the crappy stuff that comes with life. If she interpreted that as the suggestion that her own weakness causes her to feel that way, she might have taken it as a personal attack.

Yeah, lesson learned.  I'm a domineering shit, as I always knew.  Time to isolate the pathogen from the human race again for genetic re-engineering.  Maybe this time I'll finally stop being so toxic to humanity at large.

Fuck you, brain, and your inborn misunderstanding of empathic principles.  I curse whatever cruel star left me unable to interact in a reasonable way every day, and am constantly left wondering if the only way to compensate for the bloody track left by my trail of sin is to effect a more permanent self-isolation and dedicate myself to being materially useful.  God knows that on every human rubric I'm corrupted and corrupting.

Yeah, no. I'm worried that a pattern might be forming, where you reach out to the world, get hurt somewhere along the way, then withdraw from that environment to recover, before you try reaching out again.

Sorry if that was indelicate or even crass... but please don't isolate yourself. There's no reason to. You're not a bad influence, nor someone that should be kept apart from others. We all have learning to do; we all alternate between making progress and making mistakes. All of us. And you, as much as anyone else, deserve to faff about with all us other confused folks, as we get our personal and collective shits in order. Also you're a pretty cool dude, and you have a lot to offer the world beyond your utility.

[Pnx]

Yeah, lesson learned.  I'm a domineering shit, as I always knew.  Time to isolate the pathogen from the human race again for genetic re-engineering.  Maybe this time I'll finally stop being so toxic to humanity at large.

Fuck you, brain, and your inborn misunderstanding of empathic principles.  I curse whatever cruel star left me unable to interact in a reasonable way every day, and am constantly left wondering if the only way to compensate for the bloody track left by my trail of sin is to effect a more permanent self-isolation and dedicate myself to being materially useful.  God knows that on every human rubric I'm corrupted and corrupting.

Ok, so there was this issue I had for a long time, where whenever I had a problem I tended to associate it with being aspergers, even when it was something that everyone deals with (this sort of thing was my biggest greivance with the way it was handled by my parents).

Frankly I think you're doing the same thing here, everyone has these sorts of problems, and by thinking it's the fault of the way you were born, you're doing yourself a huge disservice. This sort of thing is something that I'd expect everyone to have trouble with, believe it or not people don't have any kind of automatic ability to talk people away from suicide or avoid accidentally coming across as condescending over the internet, it happens.

In fact I hate it when people come on here and talk about being suicidal, not because I feel they have no right to be suicidal or any of the BS I hear people spin about it, but because I know that for someone on the outside it's often something of a no-win situation.

That's just my two cents. There's a lot more I think I could say about all this sort of stuff, but I'm not sure how to get it together right on the page.

EDIT: Oh, and seriously, this is the sad thread, emotional venting and discussion of personal problems is what it's for, why would you think that's not ok?

[Truean]

Right.  I'm going to stop bothering you all and leave for the forseeable future.  I don't think I'm adding anything to the value of this forum, either.

Laters.

Have you seriously not noticed that we like you here, are sad when you go, and happy when you are around?

Hell, even me, and I don't like couldn't care less if the nuclear fallout I'm halfheartedly hoping for spares much of anything. Of all the things in this world that I would be indifferent to the obliteration of, I would miss you. That's dangerously close to me having a feeling, for another human being no less.

[Lysabild]

Hey Vector, if you really want specific feedback on your issues, maybe something like Skype and some friends on Skype would be better? If all you want is to get it out, then you're doing the right thing in this here thread, you can be pretty sure we're reading it and you can also be sure that if anyone is going to get responded to it's you, because if anyone, you have the most friends here.

[Solifuge]

Just now learned that my BioDad admitted himself to the hospital. Extremely severe hypertension, Systolic blood pressure around 240.

For reference, at over 120 he was past normal blood pressure. At 140 people are generally medicated to prevent it, at 160 people run a considerable risk of heart attacks, and at 200 it causes kidney failure, rupture of blood vessels through the body, and swelling in the brain. With blood pressure past that, it's a surprise that he was able to see, or stand, or think clearly.

Yet he admitted himself to the hospital with a Systolic of 240, and was rushed to the ER. And after getting it tested several times, doctors having no clue as to the cause, and sending him home with medication, he then proceeded to tell no one about this. Until my brother smelled something was up during a phone call a bit ago, and started asking him questions. After my Dad was ready to say goodbye.

Damnit, Dad... You don't have to just give and give to others, and suffer through your own stuff quietly. Are you just worried about "burdening" other people again? It's not a burden to let people who care about you know you're in trouble. We're in this together... we help each other. That's what it's about.

I really hope he's alright... shit.