I, too, am feeling unusually depressed right now.
I've finished two problem sets today and am about to start on another one; the bad part is that none of what I'm doing is interesting. It's just drudge work. I'm also about to turn down an interview with That Wisconsin Company because I've finally definitively decided I just don't want to work with them, and I accidentally missed a psych study today that I signed up for to the tune of $15. Turned in a goddamn terrible essay last Friday, too. Seriously, this one was just bad through and through. I've been long due for one of these, as I literally haven't written a paper this putrid in 9 years, and I do get one rewrite per semester, but I'm not happy about it.
My laptop is physically falling apart at ~6 years old and trying to fiddle around with the headphone jack enough to get it to play music has become an exercise in frustration. It's pretty much not worth it anymore. Unfortunately, music and the occasional bit of rubbish television (or Touhou, which is a hell of a lot easier to play with sound--not like any other games I own will work on this box) comprise my main pleasures in life at the moment. Not really bad enough to get something new, though. The important parts work just fine.
The guy who pissed on my window so many times and my ex are really getting me down right now. I feel degraded, and though it's irrational I feel a bit like some person with higher social standing would not have had her window peed on.
I keep on meeting people and never remembering their names, or even that they met me, and one of them decided to joke about how it must be because "all Asians look the same." No, I can't remember what white people look like either. Haha. I'm a fucking racist! That must be why I can't remember your name.
I have 2000 more pages of a 2500-page Chinese novel to read in the next ~week, ~week and a half or so. Then I will probably have to write a 20-page paper on it. I have no idea what I'm going to say. On top of this, I will of course have to read multiple books worth of critical theory in order to support my arguments.
Beanpole's gone through Friday at a conference. Fuck what I said about not dating him. We got along unusually well and I'm keeping my mind open. Anyway, add pining to the list.
I've had a partially-finished origami project sitting on my desk for something like half a week now. It would take literally 20 minutes to finish, and it's a present for a friend's birthday. I can't get the motivation. I also have 28 sheets of red paper and four gold pulled aside and two bags of candy for a really clever gift I'm giving my comparative literature seminar. It's upsetting me a lot that I'm going to have to wait for the last four sheets of (identical) red paper from home, even though I'm not going to even have the time to fold before then.
. . . The daffodils my parents brought decided not to open, though I set them in water right away, and are instead sitting on my desk, slowly dying still closed. I have two containers of rotten milk in the fridge. Whenever I waste anything, I feel a horrible guilt settling on my shoulders. I also have the remnants of last Thursday's dinner--wheat thins and a tray of hummus. I'm getting fat here because they think that feeding vegetarians nothing but white pasta in cream sauce and salad is somehow going to work out well for all involved.
This Wednesday, I am yet again going to teach a clan of ungrateful little shits science and be humiliated and bullied by elementary schoolers again. Isn't it sickening that I even care about their pettiness?
One of my professors is actively screwing me over. Four problem sets this semester, two papers. First paper was turned in a month ago--no feedback, no grade. Three problem sets turned in--two grades, no feedback on any of them. Class is full of hand-waving and the guy's being a shit. Other course--midterms have no comments, only a number. Of course it's nearly impossible to get extensions on anything in this course of study. I hate this department and the relentless boot it keeps on the students' necks, and I'm starting to hate math a little bit.
Though I'd like to lie down and dream for a while, I'm going to be up working for hours yet.