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[Reudh]

14 hours of sleep is not even remotely normal. Seek a medical opinion.

Will do. Needed confirmation, and I will.
It's redolent of the times I was much more depressed, so I'm worried about it... but yeah, I'll go see a doc when I can afford it.

[Max White]

Anti-depressants aren't always good for sleep... Actually they aren't always good for depression. When I was taking them they made me feel so anxious about it they did more harm than good.

I guess you need to be willing to let them help.

[Reudh]

Anti-depressants aren't always good for sleep... Actually they aren't always good for depression. When I was taking them they made me feel so anxious about it they did more harm than good.

I guess you need to be willing to let them help.

Somewhat of a placebo effect, I guess.

I'm just sick of the constant 'bluh' feeling and lack of motivation; before my depression manifested in my early teenage years, I was a straight A, top of the class in each and every subject student.
Marks were like... 90- 97% average.

Then in highschool when it began manifesting, I suddenly didn't care and started getting 60s and 50s, though never failing.
It's gotten to the point now where I've failed two subjects at uni and are redoing them.

I just want to feel like I used to feel.

[Vector]

I, too, am feeling unusually depressed right now.

I've finished two problem sets today and am about to start on another one; the bad part is that none of what I'm doing is interesting.  It's just drudge work.  I'm also about to turn down an interview with That Wisconsin Company because I've finally definitively decided I just don't want to work with them, and I accidentally missed a psych study today that I signed up for to the tune of $15.  Turned in a goddamn terrible essay last Friday, too.  Seriously, this one was just bad through and through.  I've been long due for one of these, as I literally haven't written a paper this putrid in 9 years, and I do get one rewrite per semester, but I'm not happy about it.

My laptop is physically falling apart at ~6 years old and trying to fiddle around with the headphone jack enough to get it to play music has become an exercise in frustration.  It's pretty much not worth it anymore.  Unfortunately, music and the occasional bit of rubbish television (or Touhou, which is a hell of a lot easier to play with sound--not like any other games I own will work on this box) comprise my main pleasures in life at the moment.  Not really bad enough to get something new, though.  The important parts work just fine.

The guy who pissed on my window so many times and my ex are really getting me down right now.  I feel degraded, and though it's irrational I feel a bit like some person with higher social standing would not have had her window peed on.

I keep on meeting people and never remembering their names, or even that they met me, and one of them decided to joke about how it must be because "all Asians look the same."  No, I can't remember what white people look like either.  Haha.  I'm a fucking racist!  That must be why I can't remember your name.

I have 2000 more pages of a 2500-page Chinese novel to read in the next ~week, ~week and a half or so.  Then I will probably have to write a 20-page paper on it.  I have no idea what I'm going to say.  On top of this, I will of course have to read multiple books worth of critical theory in order to support my arguments.

Beanpole's gone through Friday at a conference.  Fuck what I said about not dating him.  We got along unusually well and I'm keeping my mind open.  Anyway, add pining to the list.

I've had a partially-finished origami project sitting on my desk for something like half a week now.  It would take literally 20 minutes to finish, and it's a present for a friend's birthday.  I can't get the motivation.  I also have 28 sheets of red paper and four gold pulled aside and two bags of candy for a really clever gift I'm giving my comparative literature seminar.  It's upsetting me a lot that I'm going to have to wait for the last four sheets of (identical) red paper from home, even though I'm not going to even have the time to fold before then.

. . . The daffodils my parents brought decided not to open, though I set them in water right away, and are instead sitting on my desk, slowly dying still closed.  I have two containers of rotten milk in the fridge.  Whenever I waste anything, I feel a horrible guilt settling on my shoulders.  I also have the remnants of last Thursday's dinner--wheat thins and a tray of hummus.  I'm getting fat here because they think that feeding vegetarians nothing but white pasta in cream sauce and salad is somehow going to work out well for all involved.

This Wednesday, I am yet again going to teach a clan of ungrateful little shits science and be humiliated and bullied by elementary schoolers again.  Isn't it sickening that I even care about their pettiness?

One of my professors is actively screwing me over.  Four problem sets this semester, two papers.  First paper was turned in a month ago--no feedback, no grade.  Three problem sets turned in--two grades, no feedback on any of them.  Class is full of hand-waving and the guy's being a shit.  Other course--midterms have no comments, only a number.  Of course it's nearly impossible to get extensions on anything in this course of study.  I hate this department and the relentless boot it keeps on the students' necks, and I'm starting to hate math a little bit.

Though I'd like to lie down and dream for a while, I'm going to be up working for hours yet.

[Solifuge]

:\

*Hugs*

[Furtuka]

It's always awkward accidentally going to school early on a late start. Also my medicine is kicking in and it makes me feel really agitated if I'm not at school when it's active

[Trapezohedron]

Something is obviously wrong with me.

I reflected on my actions, my screw ups, etc. For some reason, I cannot feel truly sorry for anything I do. Fear is what drives me away from doing something very destructive, but when I get past that limit, everything just goes to hell. I broke my relationship with my elder brother this way, by doing something very stupid... such as revealing things people shouldn't know. And in the end? I only felt fear. I was never sorry for my actions. Well, maybe a bit, if we add the fear factor in, but otherwise, no.

I rationalized he deserved what I did to him for his draconic nature. Kept believing he deserves it. I still believe he did deserve it, but no, I wouldn't absolutely say he deserved it totally. And many other people who come into contact with me might say I'm moody, since at one moment, I would be really friendly, and the other, really angry. I don't even apologize, even if it totally was my fault.

In the end, I can't apologize sincerely. And the above is just a small part of my faults that I haven't taken responsibility to.

[Vector]

:\

*Hugs*

I sent a calmly irate email to the math GSI, while we were talking about something else (there was an opportunity).  He's said all of ... nothing

=(

Today's going to be better, though.  I got an extension on that last problem set.

[scriver]

@Reudh - Just remember that anti-depression pills are not Happy Pills. They're not supposed to make you happy by themselves. They're supposed to enable you to work to make yourself happy by giving you an energy boost against the listlessness.

[Reudh]

@Reudh - Just remember that anti-depression pills are not Happy Pills. They're not supposed to make you happy by themselves. They're supposed to enable you to work to make yourself happy by giving you an energy boost against the listlessness.

That I do realise, that they're more to prop up an ailing mood than to make a mood better.

[Pnx]

<snip>

Man I can totally understand the computer falling apart greivances, I was just getting on here to bitch about my computer actually sounding louder after I've just cleaned it.

Also I wouldn't worry about having issues recognizing people you've met. This sort of thing is a very common problem.
Personally I think society has a much greater expectation of people's ability to recognize other people that they haven't interacted with much/recently than is reasonable.

[ChairmanPoo]

... of all sites, NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC swallowed bait and hook the time-traveling Iranian story *facepalm*

[Sirus]

... of all sites, NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC swallowed bait and hook the time-traveling Iranian story *facepalm*

Wait, what? Time-traveling Iranian?

[kaijyuu]

... of all sites, NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC swallowed bait and hook the time-traveling Iranian story *facepalm*

Wait, what? Time-traveling Iranian?

Indeed. Tell us about this mythical person!

[Devling]

Haven't you heard of him?
Sells camels at crazy low prices.