I just fucking hate my life.
I wonder if I struggle with my own mortality too much. Every now and again, not all the time mind you but right now definitely, I feel that society is simply structured so people can peacefully and amiably march from the cradle to the grave.
Twenty three years old, almost twenty-four now, but I feel so old, like I'm a person that's getting ready to die. I'm so afraid of death, cause it feels like my life hasn't even started yet. When I say that society is structured this way, I look around and it just feels like everyone is comfortable going through all their early years drawing this little box for themselves, and then they're just supposed to live inside it for the rest of their lives and be happy with it. I feel, growing up, since I was always so lonely and without guidance, and drew my box so close to myself that I can barely move around in it, cause I never knew I'd need more space than just enough to lie down in. Now I need to devote time to figuring out how to break this goddamn box.
I hate being lonely still, everyone here should know that though I don't post here much anymore. Sometimes I feel that society functions just because people are afraid of being lonely and afraid of dying, those are the root causes of everything that happens in the world around me it seems. People just working to content themselves with the little bit of social interaction they get and the pay they receive. Apparently at some point in people's lives, they content themselves so thoroughly that they pass through life without feeling the transition of time, and decades pass with little changing, and this seems to be how they make this little box they've drawn themselves into their permanent home, and eventually their coffin. The little box is my coffin.
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not sure what to do. I'm just so scared all the time on the inside. TRANSPARENTEDIT: Also people usually don't respond when I'm trying to say something meaningful, and that makes me sad.