Another friend got engaged today.... I am really rather happy for her, as the guy is actually a very decent fellow (rather unlike the last one whom everyone desired to hit repeatedly with a thick phone book for a metropolitan area until he couldn't feel feelings anymore, but miraculously did not and equally miraculously he did not rope her into marriage, thus freeing her up for a better guy), but I can't help privately and silently comparing my situation to hers....
Perhaps the saddest thing. I honestly, truly did not feel sad while doing this, or jealous, and not even numb, just nothing.... Not that I'm awesome and therefore not sad, but rather I'm just past that. Its gotten to the point where I don't feel anything from it, or much else actually.
I get given particularly difficult tasks or particularly difficult people those tasks relate to and I don't feel anything or seem to mind. It's rather how I imagine being dead inside would feel if that felt like anything. I've been told I "have a lot of patience." Patience implies the ability to tolerate something unpleasant or irritable. I don't even feel it at all, even what you'd call numbness, and I'm not convinced that's a good thing.
Stranger still, it isn't as though I "don't care," about things. I care rather a lot about things, but I just can't let myself feel it, the joys, the pains, the anything. If something did not occur that was required to occur, I would perform a series of operations to remedy that, but wouldn't really be feeling anything.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9704920 times)