I'll admit today's been a rough day. I'll also admit, I should be fucking dead right now. Fucking. Dead.
I'm driving to the job I don't like, and I can't remember what I'm thinking about, it was either thinking about how I'm driving to the job I don't like, or an anger fantasy that certainly seems inspired by the mood. Anyway, I'm preoccupied, and I absentmindedly forget to slow down for this one sharp turn and there just so happens to be a spot of ice right there. In a second I'm spinning out, I'm doing everything I can think of to stop the car, but I careen over into the incoming lane sideways.
Now, for a solid second, I have no idea if anyone is coming from the opposite direction, so the thought in my head is "Shit, am I dead? Am I about to die?" when I catch a glimpse though, I'm relieved to see that I'm by myself, noone is coming. Something that's honestly unexpected giving the time. Anyway, I continue careening and I hit the opposite side of the road and almost go into a telephone pole, only stopping in front of it by about a foot. I manage my car back onto the road and then quickly go to the side where I can investigate if there's any damage, I have another flat. (Shitty, since I had a flat LAST FRIDAY as well, also caused by my incompetence).
Since then, I simply can't get it out of my head. Playing videogames, that's the CLASSIC STUPID MISTAKE, when you fuck up that bad, you straight up deserve to die, no if's and's or but's about it. The only clinching point, the only deciding factor, the only thing that separated me from the grave right now, is LUCK. PURE FUCKING LUCK. Just ringing in my head over and over again, "YOU LUCKY PIECE OF SHIT. YOU LUCKY MOTHERFUCKER. YOU LUCKY ASSHOLE. YOU LUCKY COCKSUCKER. YOU DON'T DESERVE LUCK THIS GOOD YOU GODDAMN PATHETIC TWAT!" and I just started crying by the side of the road, knowing that I got lucky going to the job I can't stand. That just didn't seem right, being a lonely miserable pathetic man and I had to confront the very real possibility that I was going to die that way.
Oddly enough, calling my workplace, my boss decided to simply pick me up. I was simply too shaken up to deny it. When I get there, and placed at my desk in the small windowless room, on the uncomfortable chair, surrounded by people I can't relate with, where I then need to call old people who are just waiting to die, I just started crying uncontrollably. So I just made up my mind and quit the job right there. I wrote them a nice resignation letter and everything. I grab some coffee and just walk out, making my way back to my Career Counselors office by foot, hoping he can help me out a bit and it's not too far away, though good couple miles. A few miles walk is nothing though, and it's an extremely relieving, relaxing walk. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
My Career Counselor isn't there, I thought he was since I talked to him on the phone earlier, so I'm forced to call my Mom who picks me up. She's angry but happy I'm alive. She helps me with my tire (I finally remember the practical usage of cheater bars) again, and now I'm finally back home.
But now I'm back to square one, a jobless bum, and with a great deal less money in the family's budget, and a Career Counselor who is thoroughly confused and disappointed with my decision. I hope people don't think I'm really pathetic and weak for only going to a job for two days before deciding it's just not for me.