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[fqllve]

When I was four, I got my hands on a Bible when I was at some relatives' place. I read it through from cover to cover that afternoon (because we didn't have it at home and I didn't want to ask if I could borrow it), and found it the craziest and weirdest book I had ever read. Later that week, I found out that there were millions of people that actually took the stuff in there serious. That was how I lost my faith in humanity.

A children's Bible, right?

I read a lot of mythology as a child, so when I first came across a children's Bible I actually found it a little blase.

[MagmaMcFry]

When I was four, I got my hands on a Bible when I was at some relatives' place. I read it through from cover to cover that afternoon (because we didn't have it at home and I didn't want to ask if I could borrow it), and found it the craziest and weirdest book I had ever read. Later that week, I found out that there were millions of people that actually took the stuff in there serious. That was how I lost my faith in humanity.

A children's Bible, right?

I read a lot of mythology as a child, so when I first came across a children's Bible I actually found it a little blase.

No, that was a grown-ups bible, the whole thing, old and new testament.

[Dutchling]

When I was four, I got my hands on a Bible when I was at some relatives' place. I read it through from cover to cover that afternoon (because we didn't have it at home and I didn't want to ask if I could borrow it), and found it the craziest and weirdest book I had ever read. Later that week, I found out that there were millions of people that actually took the stuff in there serious. That was how I lost my faith in humanity.

A children's Bible, right?

I read a lot of mythology as a child, so when I first came across a children's Bible I actually found it a little blase.

No, that was a grown-ups bible, the whole thing, old and new testament.

I don't think you can read ~35 words per second.

[fqllve]

...you're saying, as a four year-old, you read an 800,000 word book filled with archaic language, geneaology, and rabbinic law in one sitting?

I'm sorry but I find it extraordinarily hard to believe a child, who likely hasn't been reading for more than a year, would be able to parse the language in that book, let alone read it in a day.

[MagmaMcFry]

Well, we stayed there until midnight, so I did have a lot of time. Also, I kinda skipped over the boring parts (lists of names, endless repetitions of laws saying you have to sacrifice pigeons, etc.).

Also, I did pretty much nothing but read back then.

[Nadaka]

I was reading the bible in kindergarden, I didn't sit down and read the whole thing until i was 9 or so. IIRC it took more than 2 weeks, cover to cover, every word of a Strong's Concordance, but that timeline is a bit fuzzy. I also managed to read jurassic park in under 3 days.

[Helgoland]

When I was about twelve I took a bible and read the Revelation - I was kind of sad that it only was so short.

Of course, with my parents agnostics/functional atheists and still going to church every saturday evening (there's too few priests in Germany! And the ones that are 'imported' have reeeeaaallly heavy accents!), it was more because I wanted a good read than because I was curious.

Slight change-of-topic: What do you think of the beginning of the Gospel of John?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

John.1
[1] In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
[2] The same was in the beginning with God.
[3] All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
[4] In him was life; and the life was the light of men.
[5] And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.

[Loud Whispers]

I went to a Christian primary, and I quite enjoyed it. The more they taught me jebuses, the less I believed any of it to be true, and I'm still quite hurt that they taught me wrong versions of ancient mythology (Midas most certainly did not die a horrible crushing death in the river), and I do recall being adamant about coming as a snake when the Christmas play was arriving.

Good times.

*I didn't know the significance of snakes in the bible back then, I just thought they were pretty awesome and I didn't get why they wanted everyone else to come as sheep for some reason.

[fqllve]

Jurassic Park is a way easier read than the KJV, but I'm guessing you had your parents there to clarify and explain things to you, right? So that's exceptional maybe, but plausible. I know religious families will often start weekly readings with their children and very young ages, so I'm betting you had a lot of practice and help. Probably took you longer than two weeks, though.

Four year-olds on the other hand... generally have about 1000 word vocabularies. It must not have been the KJV then, because I've never heard of a four year-old who even comes close to reading at that level.

[SalmonGod]

It pisses me off, because I've already seen signs of my kid being slowly turned Christian by osmosis and peer pressure and even some school teaching.  Just a few days ago he came home and told me "Did you know Christmas is Jesus' birthday?"  I asked him how he learned that and he responded "We sang songs about it in music class!"  He's already told me he believes in god and asks why we don't go to church.  We need to get the fuck out of Indiana.

I feel your pain. We had to switch my kids from a secular preschool to a church preschool about 1.5 years ago, and I was not happy about it. It's that same sort of "Conversion by osmosis" thing you're describing. Made all the more uncomfortable by the fact that Mommy is a Unitarian and Daddy is a Taoist (and I haven't even bothered trying to explain that to them yet). At least now my daughter is into public school and doing the Unitarian church on Sundays, even as my wife now thinks she's basically atheist. (The running joke among Unitarians is that Unitarians are "atheists with kids").

You gave me an idea.  The reason I didn't become Christian by osmosis when I grew up in a community where I was literally the only Christian, is because I was raised Jehovah's Witness until about the age of 9.  So I already had something occupying that space.  When my mom drifted away from religion, I did too.

So what I need to do is make up a fake religion, indoctrinate my kid into it, and then reveal in his mid-teens that it was all bullshit to protect him from real indoctrination

[RedKing]

I mostly read Revelation. Cause lets face it, that is WAY more interesting than the rest of the Bible put together.

Fire-breathing locusts? Ten-headed dragons? Rivers of blood?
TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW FANTASY LITERATURE IS A BAD INFLUENCE


And yeah, I was reading KJV as a child. A young child even. Verily, thou hast a problem?

It pisses me off, because I've already seen signs of my kid being slowly turned Christian by osmosis and peer pressure and even some school teaching.  Just a few days ago he came home and told me "Did you know Christmas is Jesus' birthday?"  I asked him how he learned that and he responded "We sang songs about it in music class!"  He's already told me he believes in god and asks why we don't go to church.  We need to get the fuck out of Indiana.

I feel your pain. We had to switch my kids from a secular preschool to a church preschool about 1.5 years ago, and I was not happy about it. It's that same sort of "Conversion by osmosis" thing you're describing. Made all the more uncomfortable by the fact that Mommy is a Unitarian and Daddy is a Taoist (and I haven't even bothered trying to explain that to them yet). At least now my daughter is into public school and doing the Unitarian church on Sundays, even as my wife now thinks she's basically atheist. (The running joke among Unitarians is that Unitarians are "atheists with kids").

You gave me an idea.  The reason I didn't become Christian by osmosis when I grew up in a community where I was literally the only Christian, is because I was raised Jehovah's Witness until about the age of 9.  So I already had something occupying that space.  When my mom drifted away from religion, I did too.

So what I need to do is make up a fake religion, indoctrinate my kid into it, and then reveal in his mid-teens that it was all bullshit to protect him from real indoctrination

Prostrate him before His Noodly Appendage. It is the only solution.

[Nadaka]

Jurassic Park is a way easier read than the KJV, but I'm guessing you had your parents there to clarify and explain things to you, right? So that's exceptional maybe, but plausible. I know religious families will often start weekly readings with their children and very young ages, so I'm betting you had a lot of practice and help. Probably took you longer than two weeks, though.

Four year-olds on the other hand... generally have about 1000 word vocabularies. It must not have been the KJV then, because I've never heard of a four year-old who even comes close to reading at that level.

No, my full reading of the bible was done on my own without supervision or "guidance". Probably more than 2 weeks, might have been a month or so, I know I lost at least 2 weekends to it.

[The Darkling Wolf]

Well, we stayed there until midnight, so I did have a lot of time. Also, I kinda skipped over the boring parts (lists of names, endless repetitions of laws saying you have to sacrifice pigeons, etc.).

Also, I did pretty much nothing but read back then.

That's still something like 13 words a second, assuming you read solidly from 8am to 12am without any breaks at all.

[RedKing]

Well, we stayed there until midnight, so I did have a lot of time. Also, I kinda skipped over the boring parts (lists of names, endless repetitions of laws saying you have to sacrifice pigeons, etc.).

Also, I did pretty much nothing but read back then.

That's still something like 13 words a second, assuming you read solidly from 8am to 12am without any breaks at all.

"Look, maybe I didn't read every single syllable, but basically I read them, yeah."

And thus the Deadites were released upon the world... 

[Helgoland]

What was that thing about childhood memories being very unreliable again? Hm...