I'm obsessing about this girl again. It's quite pathetic, really. I'm looking through her Facebook profile looking at pictures and videos of her because it's been several months since we actually saw each other. She doesn't respond to messages very often or very quickly, so I just routinely send out little no-pressure-to-reply plings of encouragement and to remind her that there are indeed people out there who care about her, and that I'm one of them. I get mixed feelings whenever I see she's actually read one.
Thing is, I do have feelings for her above and beyond the platonic. But we've got such a complicated and bizarre history, and I do tend to be rather socially disastrous, that I feel uncomfortable with my usual response in these situations; which is to bare all and hope I managed to word it correctly.
So instead I just sit here, thinking about her constantly (and, in fact, dreaming about her now and again), trying desperately to singlehandedly verify if I do actually have real feelings towards her or if it's just a hallucination cooked up from too much time spent apart and too little of my getting sex/attention, indecisively going in circles around what I should be doing to best approach the situation, and continuously worrying that she's going to find some other guy in the meantime. Or, indeed, if she already has.
This all has some of the worst timing, I might add. I've got a big exam on Tuesday and I'll be damned if it's not even more ridiculously difficult to focus on studying for that now... In addition to my usual ineptitude in regards to studying, plus trying to work out where I'm going to stay after I have to move out on New Year's Eve, or that I also need to get around filling out/fixing my unemployment forms so I get the right support I need, and not to mention the bit about where I'll soon be starting on prescription antidepressants for the first time in my life (which I am fairly nervous about; not only as far as what what effects they might have on me, but also what effects they might not have on me, which is an even more terrifying prospect).