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[Darvi]

That doesn't make any sense.


Oh, that makes some.

[Vector]

Don't think the date went well.  On the one hand, he shaved (very unusual for this person and his permastubble), on the other hand, he didn't want me to pay and, when I paid for his tea, wanted to get pastry in the name of going dutch (this makes it not-a-date, right?).  And on the third hand, I feel that I was boring.  This is unsurprising, because I am boring.  On the fourth hand, he was the one who suggested we exchange phone numbers, and on the fifth hand, he told me (in a very nice way) that I ask too many questions.  On the sixth hand, when I went up to drop him off for his office hours and we met (and mutually picked on in a friendly way) a friend, he made some kind of sexual innuendo while looking at me (generally a sure-fire sign for this guy that he's attracted).  And on the seventh hand, I have no fucking clue when I turned into Shiva.

RRRRRRGH

GONNA GO CLEAN MY ROOM AND READ KIERKEGAARD

[Mephansteras]

Some guys are just uncomfortable letting a girl pay for everything, so him wanting to go dutch doesn't mean it wasn't a date in his eyes.

[kaijyuu]

People be complicated.

And yeah, I'd suspect him wanting to pay is some bullshit chivalry thing.

[Vector]

I doubt it.  He's the archetypal mathematician.

However, I'd expect something more like "I prefer going dutch rather than alternating payment as my method of enforcing gender equality."

[Mephansteras]

I doubt it.  He's the archetypal mathematician.

However, I'd expect something more like "I prefer going dutch rather than alternating payment as my method of enforcing gender equality."

In any case, the fact that he wanted to exchange numbers is a good sign, and the going dutch aspect is probably neutral.

[Lysabild]

GONNA GO CLEAN MY ROOM AND READ KIERKEGAARD

"Livet må leves forlæns,
Men forstås baglæns."

[Pnx]

Maybe... as a polite suggestion, you should see where this winds up going before freaking out about it.

EDIT: Ok, I felt the need to make a few points.

1.) The issue of who pays for a date is a pretty trivial one, I don't really see this being a big deal.
2.) I've never really met you or had a straight up conversation, but from what little I do know, I have a hard time imagining you being boring... or at least, THAT boring.
3.) There is, as I understand it, some margin for error with this stuff.

Don't get me wrong, if I were you I'd probably be freaking out a bit about every little thing too. But since I'm not you I'm going to recommend you just take it easy.

[pisskop]

I don't know about anyone else, but if I know I don't have enough to pay for the two of us I don't want to go.  I ve paid occasionally for 4 of us, and once paid for 9 at a resturaunt in NYC.  F.... $300!  dammit, I was pissed noone at least volunteered to pick up the tab.  I did look like a bit of a bigshot, though .

[kaijyuu]

While I won't demand it, a date picking up the tab (or better yet, splitting it) is very much a plus to me.

[misko27]

While I'd generally opt to do it myself, I am currently flat broke, and will continue to be so for the forseable future. Therefore, splitting it is best.

Of course, this takes place inthe magical land where I go on dates, so not being broke seems quitr probable.

[ChairmanPoo]

If it's of any consolation, Vector, I am having an equally bad run with the girl I'm sort-of-dating. I'm honestly not sure if she is purposedly standing me up repeatedly or she really aint noticing how rude she's coming across as.

[Nadaka]

It would be nice to date someone who is at least capable of paying for her own stuff.

On the other hand, i typically expect to pay for a whole date unless she requests we do something beyond the price range I am comfortable spending money on even myself.

And like misko27, this happens in the magical world where I go on dates. Which probably won't happen until I get back in shape and find some way to get my mother out of my house.

[ChairmanPoo]

also, very few people remembered my birthday. My old uni days crush didnt, which hurt. Not that I have a chance in hell with her anymore, but she was already awesome back then and only looks better and better in hindsight as I meet more and more deranged women.

[Vector]

Pnx, I agree with you.  I suspect that a lot of my relentless freaking-out comes from the fact that I'm not as over my last relationship as I'd like to be.  Honestly, I'm also very bored with my life right now, and I am bad at being bored.  There's a lot of factors, but in any case, this is what I'm trying to say--this really isn't about the date, which I think was basically value-neutral, leaning positive.  If I have to fight for a guy, that's fine.  Next time I'll make sure I've slept better and had a few good days before I go out with someone, and that will help a lot with the being-boring problem.

It's probably mostly that I don't feel like myself.  I felt like I was done regaining what I'd lost from my period of mental illness, and I was running at full power, but now I can intensely feel my dullness, physically and mentally, once again.  Or maybe I'm done recovering and can just feel the next gap I need to jump to become more powerful.  But what I'm saying is, I've come to see this through a lot of reminders in the past week or so, and right in the middle of thinking about a new relationship is a very bad time.

Well, anyway.  Things will be okay.  Two girlfriends have offered their services for communal belly-aching and I'm about to start an exciting new origami project, so, you know.  I think it'll be alright.