Whoa, holy shit brain, that's a fucking world record or something for ruining my day.
So I'm just getting out of my FNM at around 10:00, I came out feeling pretty good about how I did and how my faint social skills are improving bit by bit, and I walk over to the nearby gas station cause they have 25 cent bottles of ice cold water there, and while I was waiting in line like a good patron instead of just throwing my spare change at the register lady and booking it out of there, two attractive ladies with masquerade masks on came in and waited behind me. I was feeling especially brave, so I asked them in a friendly way if they were coming back from a masquerade party.
"No, we're going TO the party"
In my mind: FUCK! That was a reflexive mistake, cause I never enjoy the night life I subconsciously assumed noone else did either, even when that's obviously wrong. Cause seriously, who goes to parties when it's not night?... I think?
I thought about trying to spark a conversation, and the fun idea of asking to come to the party as well crossed my mind, but something in my mind panicked and I just got my water and left, and I'm driving home feeling like I cheated myself.
I'm weighing every factor in my mind, that it wasn't a good idea to just ask something like that to people I just met, that even if they did say it was ok that partying with total strangers is a bad idea, that there might be unintended consequences, that I might be expected to drink alcohol when I'm a teetotaler, and probably most of all that I inwardly despise the indulgent and excessive nature of parties and doing something like that would make me a flagrant hypocrite.
But I know that I'm simply subconsciously rationalizing this decision, cause the other side of my brain is screaming at me: That for a brief moment I had the courage to speak to some attractive women and I didn't capitalize on it fully, that I'm always moaning and complaining about being lonely and yet don't take that initiative to end it, that I'm always fantasizing about being this carefree and risk-taking man and yet when a risk presents itself I instinctively beat down the desire to take it and just follow the old safe-and-steady path as always. That all these factors also make me a motherfucking hypocrite!!!
Damnit brain, just fucking DAMNIT! How can you take a binary choice and make me feel bad no matter what I do?!
It was just a span of about 30 seconds brain, yet it overreacts to my careless inaction. INACTION! Nothing even happened, and I feel bad about it. What's wrong with me.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9705459 times)