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[Nadaka]

I am still at fucking work. Java heap space. promised I wouldn't leave until I got this bug dealt with. Fuck it all, whoever dared to write this bullshit half assed never even ran piece of shit should be fired.  It was done wrong, in every way.

[dei]

As usual, even with four roommates I am alone, lonely and without a friend. My closest friend is some guy three timezones away that doesn't even want to talk to me today because he's hanging out with his real-life friends. No one, not even my roommates, wants to hang out with me or be my friend offline.

So I've spent most of the day in my room again. I am alone, bored, and lonely, with only my thoughts to keep me company. There isn't a single thing for me to do offline to make friends that wouldn't involve me going back to college or joining some kind of religion, and I dare not post on 4chan's /soc/ for fear of the /b/tards that troll there doxing me or harassing me.

There are literally zero opportunities for someone like me to meet someone in real life, and the loneliness is getting to me. I don't like clubbing, I hate parties, I'm not a college student and the mere thought of entering a church sends me into a panic attack. Even with four roommates I am still alone, because they are either gone for most of the day or spend their time doing things that I am unable to join in due to either my dislike for such things or the lack of a way for me to join in.

The loneliness makes me sad, and it's something I've been dealing with since I was a little kid - I have had perhaps one friend in my entire life and said friend decided to break off our friendship just because he doesn't like not getting his way. I am the definition of forever alone, and honestly it makes me want to die so I don't have to deal with being alone in life anymore.

Not that I would kill myself, as suicide is for cowards and weaklings. It's simply my destiny to be alone, and chances are I will probably live alone and then die alone, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. And that makes me infinitesimally sad.

[MaximumZero]

Where are you? Small town, large town, big city, BFE, States, UK, Aussieland, India, Mongolia? More knowledge of your situation may help us make recommendations other than, "Hang in there, it'll get better."

Having said that, hang in there, it'll get better.

[kaijyuu]

You can hang out in my IRC channel if you like. *points to sig*

[Trapezohedron]

My mind is in a state of flux. Damn it all.

And for a much more tangible version of the sads, the other guy assigned to do college magazine work never responded to my messages. So now I'm forced to doing this alone, tired and dismayed and full of rage. D:<

[Corai]

Hi Corai's mom. Don't worry, no one here will rape Corai. Do horrible experiments on him maybe.

Corai, meet me at the old abandoned warehouse on the edge of town. Bring medical records.

Corai drops on his knees and begins worshipping Misko.

Thank you. So much.

[dei]

Where are you? Small town, large town, big city, BFE, States, UK, Aussieland, India, Mongolia? More knowledge of your situation may help us make recommendations other than, "Hang in there, it'll get better."

Having said that, hang in there, it'll get better.

I live in a university town in California that is known for it's parties and artwork. I am not a university student and am instead a disabled person with Asperger's and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, one who was abused and isolated most of his life. I am unable to make friends because I don't have the opportunities to do so, even with the skills to do such a thing being something I have managed to acquire.

I don't have any mode of transportation outside of walking and the local transit, and my income of around $854 a month is taken up mostly by a $650 rent. I know absolutely no one offline that shares any interests similar to mine, as my roommates and most of my neighbors are either of venerable age or happen to be stuck-up Evangelists and/or recovering addicts. I am on the waiting list for Section 8, which would let me get a one-bedroom apartment or a studio apartment for $150 a month or less, but even then I still would not have opportunities to make friends due to this being a college town catering to college students and hippies that want to outlaw grocery bags.

I don't smoke or drink either, so bars and clubs are out of the question. I am allergic to cigarettes and in fact also allergic to cologne and perfume and even most kinds of body wash. Most of the county does at least one of those things if they are my age or older, or at least so I've seen on the local news. I honestly am unable to even go to the local Dungeons and Dragons events due to being unable to afford the books and dice. That is partially because of the rent, and partially because I am addicted to caffeine.

My interests include Dungeons and Dragons, video games, music, anime, research, tulpae and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The closest things I have to friends outside of someone on the East coast and the feeble attempts my roommates make at trying to interact with me are the several dozen or so tulpae that I've been working on since I was in elementary school. My only friends are mental constructs.

I also have severe abandonment issues that are made worse by acute propoagnosia - an inability to recognize faces. Even if I try to make a friend I forget what they look like almost immediately after we part ways. I don't even remember what my face looks like, let alone my mother's or my brother's or anyone's. That being said, thank you. I hope things get better soon myself, regardless of what I think or have seen.

You can hang out in my IRC channel if you like. *points to sig*

I'll consider it.

[kaijyuu]

Ah, if you like ponies, you can check out the other link in my sig as well

[Frumple]

Kinda' side along, but regarding the propoagnosia... is it just faces? I sorta' ask because I'm terrible about making eye-contact (information overload, gives me a headache. Also twigs the fuck out of my paranoia because I know it can go both ways.) and don't really pay attention to facial structure and suchlike as a matter of course. Most of my individual recognition comes from other aspects, particularly voice and physical mannerisms (movement, posture, physical build, etc. More the way folks move than anything, though I have difficulty consciously recognizing whatever it is I'm picking out.) and... I'unno, maybe trying to switch tracks to that could help? I speak largely from ignorance, but if it's a possibility...

[dei]

Ah, if you like ponies, you can check out the other link in my sig as well

I might.

Kinda' side along, but regarding the propoagnosia... is it just faces? I sorta' ask because I'm terrible about making eye-contact (information overload, gives me a headache. Also twigs the fuck out of my paranoia because I know it can go both ways.) and don't really pay attention to facial structure and suchlike as a matter of course. Most of my individual recognition comes from other aspects, particularly voice and physical mannerisms (movement, posture, physical build, etc. More the way folks move than anything, though I have difficulty consciously recognizing whatever it is I'm picking out.) and... I'unno, maybe trying to switch tracks to that could help? I speak largely from ignorance, but if it's a possibility...

I don't notice most of what you mentioned because of my Asperger's, except on some occasions a person's emotions. My landlady says I'm very empathetic, and she worked with Autistic people for twenty years. Sorry, I'm kind of feeling overwhelmed right now so I don't think I am able to say much more than this. I'm exhausted and craving caffeine - which has a reverse effect on me since I also have ADHD.

[Hanslanda]

Hi Corai's mom. Don't worry, no one here will rape Corai. Do horrible experiments on him maybe.

Corai, meet me at the old abandoned warehouse on the edge of town. Bring medical records.

Corai drops on his knees and begins worshipping Misko.

Thank you. So much.

Hey, while you're down there...




My shoe is untied. Could you get it for me?

[FearfulJesuit]

I think I have reached the point where I can't do romantic love or infatuation that is happy. Romance runs on sad things...depression, clinginess, insecurity, depression again. It is in its sadness, not its joy, that its beauty lies. It's not a lens through which life is bunnies and meadows. It's a shot of heroin, I can feel it physically in my chest, and it's never satisfied.

I want my [name redacted]. I don't care that she's my ex-history teacher, I don't care that I've graduated, I don't care that my dad is her colleague, I don't care anymore. I want to have my mental breakdowns lying in her arms, running my fingers through the dark chocolate silk of her hair and staring into her gigantic, soft brown eyes, her soft, cozy body keeping mine (if not my chest) from feeling the chills, not smiling in contentment but tearing up in brokenness, trying to get ever closer to her in the horrifying knowledge that I have come to the limit...

Oh dear, I seem to have gotten tears on my smartphone screen.

[kaijyuu]

Mmm, bad situation D:

Since I'm pretty sure that's impossible to make a reality, well... Move on if you can, and find someone whose arms you can lie in. I won't say that it'll be easy, but it will be necessary. You can be happy with love. Lots of fish in the sea.

[Hanslanda]

Oh dear, Dhokarena. Things seem to have become rather strange for you. :/
That sucks dude.

[penguinofhonor]

I just want someone to say my adorable pickup lines to. "If you were a potato you'd be a sweet potato."

Also snuggles.