It's time for me to do the same old song and dance everyone, stand back while I shove this half gallon of ice cream into my mouth and cry myself into a corner. Watch out for my Isaac-esque projectile tears.
Okay, first off, about this.
I know what you're doing here. It's a very old gambit: pointing out something bad so as to excuse it. You're afraid someone else will think you pathetic (but would be too courteous to say it, right?), so you say it first. It's less embarrassing and shameful that way, right?
Well here's the kicker. Only one person thinks you pathetic: you. No one will call you pathetic. No one will think it, either. There is no sugarcoating, or lying to you, in a futile attempt to make you feel better. No one will think you're whining, because you're not. No one will think you're seeking unwarranted attention, because you're not.
Are you ashamed of your depression? Do you think it worthy of mockery, or disappointment, or ire? If you do, you're wrong. You have no reason to hide. You have no reason to be ashamed. You have no reason to make light of your situation to try and make it look more "acceptable."
Tell us exactly what you think, without the facetious self deprecation, and don't be ashamed of what you say.
As for the dating stuff, here's one thing that took me a while to figure out: If someone loves you, they love you for you,
warts and all. They don't love you for your money, or what material possessions you have, or any of the common measures of "success" in life. They will love your positive qualities, accept your negative ones, and work with you to move forward. You have no reason to fear success, because if you succeed, truly succeed, you'll have someone by your side who knows you to your core (including those things you're so ashamed of), and wants to be with you regardless.
My further sad:
My move has been delayed
a full month due to my apartment's current tenant staying a bit longer. More time to find a job I suppose, but damn I want to get out of here. Also wrecks some of the early plans I made, but those are still flexible. Still really really sucks.
And today I've been an emotional wreck. Swapping between really happy and really sad at a moment's notice. I've been blowing everything out of proportion and jumping to conclusions, all negative. I was going to try and have another big talk with my parents, but I dunno if I can handle it. I might burst into tears or anger at something small and ridiculous. Ugh.